Too many of these.
The night I woke up in the middle of someone's floor covered in pink vomit and naked from the waist down.

The night I climbed into my wardrobe and tried to piss in it in front of my horrified housemates.

The night I smashed my chin open because I was too drunk to think to use my hands to save myself whilst falling over.

But mostly, this night.

It's the summer holiday of my first year at uni. The weather is beautiful, the bank have foolishly agreed to give me an overdraft and no one has moved into my new shared house yet except me, meaning I can turn it into a party house for the summer and have loud sex with my new girlfriend in every room. Life is pretty sweet. Until I discover said girlfriend is still shagging her ex. I promptly dump her and commence feeling like shit in a cold sewer. At this point all of my uni friends are scattered around the country with their families and all all of my old friends are back in my hometown. So I decide to go drinking with Acquaintance and a load of strangers. I figure it beats brooding alone in an empty house and I'm less likely to get weepy and think about my ex with a load of new people around me. So off to the pub I go.

I meet Acquaintance in the pub with a largeish group of people. Many of them have lip rings.

I buy a double vodka and coke, which turns out to be the only drink I buy that night. I come back to the table and find a pint of Guinness waiting for me. As everyone else is being kicked out for not having ID I down both in minutes. We move to the pub next door.

Acquaintance is at the bar. I ask for something strong. He gets me a double whisky and coke and a double vodka. I pour them both into one glass. By the end I can't taste anything anymore. More drinks are consumed. Last orders are called.

Stumbling through the city centre, I need to piss. Unfortunately the place I choose turns out to be the entrance to an underground garage which opens and lights up like a Christmas tree when I trip the motion sensors. I pull up my pants and run.

Everyone decides to go to The Scumhole except me, as I used to work there and no longer drink there on principle. I go to a hotel with Acquaintance and Some Girl. Order wine and pizza. Things begin to get blurry. Time passes. More booze.

Everyone's back from The Scumhole and we're watching shit TV and making fun of it. A bin bag with 24 bottles of Carlsberg in it suddenly appear and I decide it's my job to drink them. So I start on that. At this point I start to develop black holes in my memory.

Blank.

I'm in the hall talking to Ex Girlfriend on the phone. As I pace up and down I lose the room I was in.

Blank.

Acquaintance and I are passed out on a bed in a different room from the others. My grip on reality is slipping. I decide to drink more.

Blank.

Banging coming from somewhere. People seem pissed off at Acquaintance. Acquaintance runs out of the hotel. For some reason I decide it's my job, as most wasted person, to find him.

Blank.

I'm in a car park, I've lost the hotel, it's 4am and I'm so drunk I can't walk.

Blank.

I'm in some guy's car. How the fuck did I end up in some guy's car?

Great, the perfect end. Raped and killed and dumped in a river.

For some reason he does none of the above but has a spliff with me and drives me home. He does seem quite keen on the idea of showing me his cock but I think he sized up his options and thought I would probably just end up vomiting on it.

Lots more blank.

I call Ex Girlfriend. By this point I'm incoherent. When I hang up I cry and scream and punch things until I drop into a coma from the exhaustion.

When I wake up my eyes are still blurry and my fists are bruised and cut up. And I'm still drunk.

I try to piece together the events of the night before via instant messenger.

Acquaintance says:
you tried to close the bathroom door
Acquaintance says:
but there was no door
Acquaintance says:
for 5 minutes

Old Schoolfriend who I probably shouldn't have been texting says:
you texted me saying u were watching porn

Friend of Acquaintance says;
found some guys in sombreros, on a stag night, and got them to bash down the door to wake you guys up (it came off it's hinges).

This explains the banging and why Acquaintance ended up screaming incoherently and running away. Acquaintance and I come to the conclusion that nothing happened in the locked room with the porn but as both of our memories from that point in the night are wiped clean we can't know for sure.

I don't drink anymore.
(orestes is shitting in the 1940s, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 4:05, Reply)