evening shift report in for duty.
Bobby present.

Q: army, airforce, or navy?
( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 17 May 2012, 21:30, Reply)

cavy kind of here
navy, or better still, nothing.
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Thu 17 May 2012, 21:40, Reply)

Here, sir
Conscientious objector.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 17 May 2012, 21:45, Reply)

Yeah, I'm here.
I suppose army, seeing as I'm the only member of my family who hasn't joined it at one point or another.
But mostly I'm a big coward, and would probably be a conshie. Or join the fanys.
( b3th None of the mod power, all the calories, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:05, Reply)

Anyone who says 'Navy'
Is a member of The Village People.

Anyone who answers to the names Tangles is an automatic Barrymore.
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:08, Reply)

did I escape tonight?
Does that mean I got the right answer?
( b3th None of the mod power, all the calories, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:16, Reply)

George Melly
said in his autobiography that the only thing the navy taught him was how to wank in a hammock without waking the rest of the crew.

That's what I thought.

Nobody can tell what you're doing in a, er, cockpit.

RAF FTW.
(Phudbree Like a teuchter Albert Fish, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:18, Reply)

Alright Fairclough

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:19, Reply)

Tracy
refuses to come to the baths.

Sad face.

Mind you, she's 47 now.
(Phudbree Like a teuchter Albert Fish, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:22, Reply)

She's upstairs listening to records.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:23, Reply)

Tapes.
She was listening to tapes.
( b3th None of the mod power, all the calories, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:26, Reply)

I bow down to your superior soap knowledge.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:32, Reply)

But
they're reel-to-reel tapes of John Peel's Perfumed Garden programme.

I reely, reely love her. :(
(Phudbree Like a teuchter Albert Fish, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:36, Reply)

Do they feature the Mad Stuntman?

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:50, Reply)

Here
Sir.

Has to be airforce. Spitfires, fancy moustaches, saving the nation.

What's not to love?

Oh, and Labradors called Nigger.
(Phudbree Like a teuchter Albert Fish, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:10, Reply)

Royal Flying Corps, darling
boats make me sick and the army is full of poor people. In the lower echelons, at least.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:16, Reply)

I can certainly attest to that.#

( b3th None of the mod power, all the calories, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:16, Reply)

Airforce.
If only because my grandad and great-grandad were respectively NCOs in the army and the navy during the last two world wars, and it'd be neat to pull off an intergenerational hat trick like that.

Then again, if you still need to rhyme "house" with "mice" to get into the air force these days, something like the engineering corps would be a better choice. Also, it turns out I am slightly too tall to be a pilot.
( Gvpyczjppcl when I arrive I'm balls in a heatwave, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:18, Reply)

You
pulled off your great grandad AND your grandad?

Wow.

Once you do yourself, you have indeed performed the Incest Empire Meddle.

Go on, then.
(Phudbree Like a teuchter Albert Fish, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:27, Reply)

You
Have an odd

posting style.

I think it needs more

line breaks.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:34, Reply)

I
have

A

Stutter.

Yours

Aaaapologetically
(Phudbree Like a teuchter Albert Fish, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:37, Reply)

Aye.
Friends Ambulance Service.
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:42, Reply)

Fraternal
greetings, brother.
(Phudbree Like a teuchter Albert Fish, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:45, Reply)

I still don't know who you are, but you're deffo not my brother.
Anyway, Hi.
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:49, Reply)

well fuck this for a game of soldiers.
*goes to bed*
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:56, Reply)

Or a game of sailors or a game of pilots.

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:57, Reply)

Snort. Click.
Oh dear.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:58, Reply)

Snort. Click.
Sounds like car safety advice for drug users.
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:00, Reply)

Because you're a young 'un
Let me explain.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fremvsJnSTM
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:01, Reply)

I wouldn't know, you dreadful boy.

(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:01, Reply)

Nothing dreadful about me.
Whatever her names less successful....
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:03, Reply)

Gabriella Cilmi.

(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:03, Reply)

It was a catchy song alright.

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:04, Reply)

She's done a couple of half decent bits and bobs
one of the few perks of being forced to have radio 1 on in the lab is that occasionally they play something that's actually quite catchy.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:08, Reply)

I'm surprised a team of scientists listen to Radio One.
I thought you'd have something more lefty on.
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:10, Reply)

Why lefty?
it's radio 1 or jack fm in our lab. Or radio 2, if I'm left to my own devices, but nobody else likes it. Or youtube disco, if the boss isn't in.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:11, Reply)

Get yourself to Absolute Radio.
You'll like the tunes more!
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:13, Reply)

I'll give it a whirl
it's got to be better than the abysmal cretins on radio 1.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:19, Reply)

Do you listen using a radio or a PC?

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:21, Reply)

PC

(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:22, Reply)

www.absoluteradio.co.uk/

If you want an indie trip, selection Absolute 90s. For a general variety, go with Absolute Radio.

Have a look at the play-list link, it'll show you their most recently played stuff.
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:23, Reply)

Rightio
I'll bear it in mind.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:24, Reply)

Busy weekend ahead of you?

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:25, Reply)

Not really, no
I've had a fucking abysmal week and so I'm hoping to spend most of my weekend in bed with a large tub of ice cream.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:27, Reply)

Kinky.

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:28, Reply)

Only if I'm trying to eat it without a spoon.

(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:31, Reply)

Baked any cakes recently?

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:31, Reply)

Only the one I was talking about on here the other day
hazelnut and lemon curd bakewell. People at work have begged me to give it a break because I'm making them fat.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:33, Reply)

Kill them with cake berk.
But only when you've got your masters confirmed.
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:34, Reply)

Oh, it is confirmed
we're going 50/50 on the fees.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:35, Reply)

That's better than them paying nothing!

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:36, Reply)

True
I just have to find £1700 a year for the next two years on top of the cost of travelling down to London every week, though...
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:38, Reply)

I can see how that might be difficult.
Any thoughts as to how you might be able to facilitate this?
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:40, Reply)

Prostitution?

(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:43, Reply)

Depends how attractive your boss is
And if them selling themself will make up the difference.
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:44, Reply)

Ha
my boss? No.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:47, Reply)

Get saving then!

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:49, Reply)

Yeah I know.

(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:54, Reply)

Is the travel going to be expensive?

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:54, Reply)

About £15 a week
I'm sure I can make do if I'm careful.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:57, Reply)

If work are supportive, that's half the battle.
And if you can wangle a payrise as well...
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:58, Reply)

Well, that's cheered me up.
Night Jeff.
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:04, Reply)

Night CQ

( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:04, Reply)

Bartleby present and incorrect.
I applied to the RAF when I was still at school. Turns out you needed a degree to fly a Hercules, and I was losing my spec free status then too, so I was fucked.
( Bartleby I am sir, your disobedient servant., Thu 17 May 2012, 23:06, Reply)

Captai Placid here
Navy. Marines to be precise. All others are poofs.
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:33, Reply)

You.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=InBXu-iY7cw
( JeffTheDogFucker, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:35, Reply)

Pooves
and lassies, probably.

Mind you, nothing wrong wi' lassies.

I prefer the real thing.
(Phudbree Like a teuchter Albert Fish, Fri 18 May 2012, 0:23, Reply)