CHCB's guide to breaking up in a civilised manner
1. Meet somewhere neutral but relatively private. Public spaces mean you can't raise your voices without making a scene, so avoid those if there's likely to be more drama than an episode of Bergerac. Choose somewhere where emotions can be expressed without interruption from the public or interference from the police. Try a secluded corner of the park, or a deserted beach. Avoid libraries, the pub at closing time, or the knife aisle of TK Maxx.

2. Begin with a sensitive opening gambit, e.g. "I'm not happy at the moment, I don't think things are working between us". Look and act sensitive too. It is not appropriate to cackle.

3. Give reasons or something to allay their curiousity, e.g. "we fight all the time" or "we haven't had sex in 6 months" or "I HATE THE WAY YOU BREATHE". Keep it appropriately kind, though.

4. Make it about you, not them. Good examples of this include: "I find it difficult..." or "it upsets me when...". Bad examples of this include: "you are evil like all the others before you and I won't let you steal my soul, dammit!".

5. Don't say "I hope we can still be friends" unless a) you actually mean it, and b) they aren't trying to impale themselves on the nearest fence post out of grief. If you only want to be friends because it'll make you feel less like a dick then don't do it.

6. Cry. Nothing wrong with crying.

7. Arrange to collect belongings civilly or else write them off as a loss. Close any joint bank accounts if you're worried about revenge.

8. DO NOT TALK TO EACH OTHER AT ALL FOR AT LEAST ONE WEEK, possibly longer. No contact at all.

9. Ex-sex is perfectly permissible. It's almost compulsory, isn't it? Just leave it 'til you're further down the line and remember that the other party may be investing very different emotions into the resulting hot, frenetic nekkidness.

10. If someone new appears on the scene, for either party, it's fine to obsess over them, call them all the names of the day, diss them hugely and rant about them being a rebound thing. Just don't let your ex-partner hear you. It gets easier, and once the rebound thing has passed, you will give less of a shit about who they're with.

Good luck.

Addendum: face-to-face is the decent way of breaking up. Via text and email is po-mo and ridiculous. Via Facebook is just plain cruel.

This was another Pubic Service Announcement brought to you by the New Friggin' Messiah
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 12:41, 19 replies)

^^
I have never heard of Bergerac being used as a synonym for high drama before.
What an inventive prose style you have. Me likes. *click*

*edit* actually reads main body of text. Good tips, I've already clicked though.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 12:44, closed)

*Votes*
Can this be made law?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 12:44, closed)

STOP THE QOTW! STOP THE QOTW!
WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

I like the "Speak your mind but always be respectful of the other person unless they don't deserve it" approach.

Some of these tips can also be useful for when you're turning someone down.

"b) they aren't trying to impale themselves on the nearest fence post out of grief."
Sometimes, this is not always obvious to an outside observer.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 12:52, closed)

Yes
Indeed.

To all the above.
(furby, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 12:52, closed)

@mistaspakkaman
You mean emotionally here, don't you? I mean, if someone's trying to disembowel themselves with an iron pole, it tends to be fairly obvious.

Last time i tried it, I was told to sit down and stop showing off.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 12:59, closed)

"STOP THE QOTW! STOP THE QOTW!"
You've not read my story about giant newts and throwing myself down the stairs yet...
( Cawl, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:00, closed)

I was clicking
before the end of point 2.

Well done you!
(Jugular, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:01, closed)

*prints*
yes
( olivier8 (euroloon), Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:10, closed)

hmm
I've followed some of those but I would stress the importance of 8, having been talked around a few times by an ex who really ran out of chances years before I finally snapped.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:17, closed)

It has been my experience..
That sex with someone is usually a hell of a lot better once you have split up.
( girlinthehole, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:29, closed)

@BGB
Absolutely!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:31, closed)

@Fireflier
Yes, I meant emotionally. It's harder to spot than if they physically do something but if they're a drama-queen, they can be just as obvious.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:35, closed)

Gnarr
"Addendum: face-to-face is the decent way of breaking up. Via text and email is po-mo and ridiculous. Via Facebook is just plain cruel."

Particularly if it's a long distance relationship, you've just gotten back home in the rain from seeing her and you recieve said text as you step through the door, soaked.
Oh and it's christmas eve.
Picking my relationships very carefully these days.
(Sundayturkey has the biggest mug of tea, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:18, closed)

CHCB: The voice of reason and experience.
You're ace Mrs, and you're getting a click.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 9:06, closed)

I've never had sex
with an ex.


Am I missing out?


*thinks*

Nah.

The crap sex was the main reason for splitting up with all but two of them.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:15, closed)

@ chickenlady
I've never had sex with an ex either.
Nor with a fox in a box,
or a goat on a boat,
or a stoat by a moat;
with a pig in a wig,
or a boar in a store;
No, I've never had sex with these before.

*Sigh* I lead a sheltered life.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:59, closed)

@ DG
That made me laugh out loud.

I love Dr.Seuss.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:19, closed)

@ chickenlady
What can I say? You inspired me :-)

This is probably the most anyone is going to get out of me this week. Unless I can come up with something incredibly convoluted...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:35, closed)

DG, I know what you mean
If I were not off on holiday later this afternoon for a week in Scotland (yay!) then I would be writing a bit of racy fiction for this week just to entertain myself particularly as the freelance stuff is a bit thin on the ground right now :(
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:13, closed)