sambuca
This is a strange one as I have absolutely no recollection of the primary events, and only anectodal evidence, gossip, and rumour on which to base my tale.

So anyway, I needed to split up with C.

Being a coward and also a stoner, the best option was clearly to get so pissed and stoned - and generally fucked, at every possible opportunity, that she'd realise just what a waster I truly was and call it a day. This was a plan uninhibited in its cunning, and one which necessitated the smoking of copious amounts of skunk. So, bonus.

Everything went well. She gradually got more and more distant as the weeks progressed until the fateful night when she insisted that I be at hers at an alloted time so that we could 'discuss' things.

Keeping to the alloted time was difficult - I was hammered and had been downing shots of sambuca at the pub for most of the evening. When I got to C's, barely capable of speech, I encountered her housemate who coincidentally, was also drinking sambuca. I was offered a shot, and that's the last I remember.

I woke up 12 hours later at a friends house, having walked 5 miles across Nottingham wearing only my underpants.

Before C threw me out, I'd passed out on top of her and managed to pin her down for four hours, during which time I underwent a period of pronounced and prolongued flatulence, interspersed by periodic enquiries of "Are you dumping me because I'm farting?".

She dumped me.
( rofl harris, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 10:07, 1 reply)

Subtle
The dignified, premeditated methods are always the best !!

Big Click !
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:09, closed)