Ladies...
I know it's not fair for me to post this now, as he's not here, but here's a quick guide on when you know it's time to dump Kaol;




If it gets into the red, head for the hills!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:23, closed)

beautiful
AND true.
*clicky clicky*
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:26, closed)

...
Does getting into the black section indicate a disturbing love of It's a Wonderful Life?
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:26, closed)

oooh...
I doubt he'll let you get away with this...

morning mr monkeysex, how are you?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:26, closed)

@Enzyme
"He's making violent love to me, mother!"
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:28, closed)

Fine thank you tulip!
and you? i'm sure he will, but he did shop a photo of al and I raping a goat, so it's his own fault really.

@Enzyme Capraphilia Capra=Goat
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:28, closed)

@Sexmonkey
I figured that... but I wasn't going to let the opportunity pass...

:)
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:29, closed)

@CHCB
wasn't that frank spencer?
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:30, closed)

I don't understand the reference to It's a Wonderful Life?
What's that all about...?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:31, closed)

@Sexmonkey
It was directed by Frank Capra.

@CHCB: MFOFABL, or whatever that moving-my-foot acronym was...
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:32, closed)

just by the by
It IS a wonderful life, isn't it!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:34, closed)

Frank Capra
was the bloke in Its a Wonderful Life.

It was Dave Listers favourite film. And i've never seen it.

I've never seen planet of the apes either. What famous films that everyone says you must see have you not?
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:34, closed)

Oh....
You and CHCB are rubbish!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:35, closed)

^
true.
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:35, closed)

I have never seen
'It's A Wonderful Life' or 'Gone With The Wind'. I have seen everything else though. Twice.
(bazmorningstar Meal Of Yule On Time. Xmas dinner must be punctual, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:36, closed)

@CHCB
Ahhh...! I was kidding, you're both lovely really *bokes*

I've ain't never seen none of them I haven't. Or Breakfast at Tiffany's, or any of that shite.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:38, closed)

I've never seen
Casablanca, just lots of scenes from Casablanca, and they looked boring.

We've already had this movie discussion. That, or I've got very precise deja vu (or, as the French say, "shit! Saw that before!").
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:38, closed)

It's a Wonderful Life
Indeed it is, and I know the song, but have never seen the film. There again, I've never seen 99.9% of even the most popular films, so that's hardly surprising.

So I'd never even heard of the Capra bloke.

By the way, is anyone else reading the URL to this week's question as 'pleasureme' at first glance? Or is that just me?
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:39, closed)

I like Breakfast at Tiffinays
My favourite bit is when Audrey Hepburn and her bloke get locked in the shed with just enough equipment to build a helicopter and they escape but don't kill any of the bad guys. Just blow shit up and stuff.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:39, closed)

I've never seen any of
the Godfather films, or Rocky, or Rambo, or It's a wonderful life

basically a lot of films that people rate (or not). just never had the opportunity.

I've seen a lot of fantastic films that most other people haven't though, I'd wager

like Killdozer
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:40, closed)

Bizarrely
I have seen Killdozer!
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:40, closed)

Capraphilia
Goats you say?
*Adds to knowledge bank*
*Awaits question on EggHeads*
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:41, closed)

@K2k6
a pleasureme QOTW would be great. We could get very specific.
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:42, closed)

@CHCB
I think goats would be involved somehow though.

But you're right. I can think of some very specific things!

*makes list*
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:44, closed)

Oh Bert...
...you genius. He's in Brighton as we type - wonder where the arrow is pointing now.
( clendrix Bring on the Jazz Chickens!, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:48, closed)

Probably off the scale
what with all those bum-chuffers around.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:49, closed)

@CHCB
It's a QOTW tailor made for yourself

Afternoon all.
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:51, closed)

May I draw your attention
to the third varity of Kale on this list? It's up for adoption.

www.gardenorganic.org.uk/acatalog/Join_us___Support_us_Kale_11.html
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:52, closed)

I'm not sure if Bert's worth
£20 for all of him, is he?
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:54, closed)

I'm easily worth double that,
it's mates rates for b3tans.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:56, closed)

And it's a variety...
...of Kale! Oh the irony.
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:57, closed)

we could club together the £20
and each have a mouthful
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:58, closed)

*dies*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:59, closed)

*chuckles at CHCB*
*then sighs*
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 12:59, closed)

Ooooo!
Someone's ears are going to be burning.
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:02, closed)

From
ear sex? That Kaol's a filthy bitch.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:03, closed)

Oh Bert
Are you feeling brave? The knives aren't just for hookers I think. Did you read his little story about the downsides of bows and arrows, and what to do instead?
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:10, closed)

@ Ancrenne
Yes, but then we established that there are no downsides to bows and arrows.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:12, closed)

Bravery has nothing to do with it.
I'm so stupid that if you cut me in half, it says 'I love Britain's Got Talent' right through my middle.

I'm not scared of him, he's just a big girl really. I'll stroke him behind the ears, he'll like that.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:13, closed)

@ancrenne
Hopefully he hasn't seen No Country for Old Men. Otherwise he may turn up at the next B3ta bash wielding a suspicious air canister.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:13, closed)

@belgaer
true. The 'sawing through the arm' story Kaol wrote is still reverberating in my brain though, so I'm in awe of Bert's bravery in posting this :)
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:14, closed)

I'm still reeling from the fact
that we will all meet him in August.
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:15, closed)

Some of us
will meet him next week... Bert - still feeling safe?
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:16, closed)

Half the stuff Kaol listed,
isn't really that possible, as he was talking about normal blades and not serated ones.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:16, closed)

Oh crap
I forgot about next week.

Anyone else who has a semblence of normality coming along?
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:19, closed)

@ancrenne
no one tells me about these things. I feel so left out.
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:19, closed)

I'm quite normal
in real life. I listen to Radio 4 and everything.

@MM it;s the 19th in the Cove Bar in Covent Garden, come along!
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:20, closed)

@Becky/Madam Marlboro
Becky - I have a semblance of normality but I plan to leave that on the train.

MM - it's in Davros' profile and on the calendar. Be good to see you there *hints*
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:21, closed)

@al
I don't need your pity invite.

*cries*
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:21, closed)

Kaol's coming next week?!
Oooh! Exciting! I'm sure that there is alot of irony in his posts, just as I'm sure he will see the irony in mine.

Where can I buy a Kevlar vest?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:22, closed)

Radio 4
*shudders*

I'm quite looking forward to it actually. Will be my first B3ta bash :)
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:22, closed)

Bert
Buy two, just in case, yeah?

www.concept-websites.co.uk/personal-protection/kevlar-vest.html
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:22, closed)

Thanks, ancrenne
I'll still attempt the old stroke him behind the ears trick though.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:24, closed)

*feels very awkward*
*passes tissues to crying MM*

*pats gingerly on the back*

there there

*looks around hoping one of the women here will step in and sort it out*
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:24, closed)

The only reason I don't mind missing this June bash...
Cause in August when I turn up it will be more exciting for everyone.

Won't that be nice.

*May be overplaying her wonderfulness a tad*

@Becky - you'll find people a lot more normal in real life than on here. I bet my life on it but don't tell Kaol I said that.
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:25, closed)

@al
Only joking. The last time I cried was when I massacred my finger with a hammer.
And that was only a little tear or two.

Im well hard. Innit.
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:27, closed)

@BGB
I'm sure your wonderfullness is a sight to behold.

My normallness comes in two personalities, grumpy miserable bastard, or happycrazybouncingnutcase.

I shall bring both to the bash.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:28, closed)

Excellent
*pents fingers*

I'm off to sign on and go for my vet interview. Bye :)
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:31, closed)

Tara becky!
Have fun prodding animals!


....er....
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:33, closed)

@MM
I read that first as mascaraed my finger. I did wonder 1) why you applied your makeup with manual tools and 2) why getting mascara on your finger would make anyone cry.

But then it turned out I was wrong, but I like to think that the above comment will bring a small smile to lips of a certain young man reading this.

A young man with come in his hair and stair sized bruises on his back.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:33, closed)

That Kaol
is the last person I'd appoint to a Health and Safety post.
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:34, closed)

Funnily enough.
I'm always getting mascara on my finger.
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:37, closed)

MM
But surely someone with a less twisted mind wouldn't spot so many potential hazards and thus be less able to prepare against them?
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:39, closed)

@BGB
does it make you cry when it happens?
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:40, closed)

bah
I can't believe you are having not one, but two bashes without me

*pouts*

my own fault for living somewhere nice though I suppose...
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:41, closed)

@ancrenne
I personally think that someone with the twisted mind of Kaol would not attempt to prevent.

I think he does bad things with severed limbs.
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:42, closed)

@Vipros
Where do you live and what's wrong with travelling to wherever the bash is going to be?
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:43, closed)

MM
You're probably right. He did give a very graphic description of skin being removed from a hand by a cog in a machine as something like, 'Like a table cloth being ripped of and leaving everything behind'

Almost like he knew
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:45, closed)

I live in Exeter
which makes it costly to get to Laaahnndaaahn, particularly at a time when I'm pretty strapped. (got a new bathroom going in v. soon)

in addition to that, I have way to much work to do to be able to take a day off mid week.

The bash in August is unfortunate because I just have other plans
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:45, closed)

Well
He lives somewhere nice, which probably removes a large part of England, all of Wales (*ducks*), and some of the really remote bits of Scotland, and some of the manky bits of Glasgow (*ducks and runs*).

I reckon he lives in Australia, or Ireland.

EDIT - oh bum, got it wrong
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:46, closed)

@ancrenne
You see, when you think about it, it's all a bit wrong.

"He always kept to himself"

"He was a quiet man"

"He spent more time with those lizards than any real friends"

I am the prophecy.
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:48, closed)

@Al
I've never been to Exeter, but I imagine it's quite OK.

Glasgow is not though. The manky bits are really manky, and even some of the good bits aren't that nice. Many towns in west central Scotland, especially places like Cumbernauld, are really grotty too.

Most of the rest of the country is better, although there are shitty bits all over, like anywhere else.

And it's a long way from London, which is normally a good thing, except when there's a bash on.

Bugger.
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:50, closed)

@MM
For 'lizards' read 'b3tards'....
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:51, closed)

@k2k6
I loved Exeter when I lived there. Really beautiful place.

And I got to climb up the Cathedral towers which was ace.

@MM - well, we can all vouch for him...can't we?
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:53, closed)

@K2k6
I wasn't really slating Scotland, or Wales for that matter, it was all done in good humour. Hope I didn't cause any offence.

And you're right, Exeter is nice. My Sister went to Uni there. I have been drunk there on more than one occasion.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:54, closed)

Exeter is good
because it's not very big and it's close to the surf and the moors

it is far from everything else though which sucks when it comes to visiting people or seeing good bands
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:54, closed)

@Vipros
Bck in the day, I met Jarvis Cocker in Exeter. He lived up to his surname well. He was walking around campus before the gig, and bumped into a mate of mine who mumbled drunkely at him. JC said, all huffy like, in his corduroy, 'Do you know who I am?' and mate lifted his head, blearied at him, and said no - before vomiting out the side of his mouth.

Classy.
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:58, closed)

I'll be going to Exeter at some point in the next year...
the Mrs is hopefully going to be finishing her degree there.

@al, pfft for the mascara comment above, even though I don't get it!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:58, closed)

@Al
No offence taken. Many of the larger towns in Scotland are pretty awful.

But the major plus point (for me) of living here is the lower population density. It's bliss compared with the SE of England.

(Don't you lot all rush to live up here and spoil it now!)
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 13:59, closed)

@ancrenne
brilliant. The only good thing he has done is make a song that William Shatner has covered.

@Bert: we should go for a pint when you do!
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:00, closed)

Mrs MonkeySex is a student?
Cradlesnatcher! Only kidding, we all knew you were dating a little un!

Have you been to the Lemmy then?
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:02, closed)

@ K2k6
sssshhhhhh

We have to keep it a secret.

For anyone outside Scotland, the place is packed to the gunnells. No space at all, no sirree.

Nothing to see here, move along now ...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:05, closed)

@Vipros
I heard that William Shatner album the other night - hilarious stuff. I never even knew it existed til my friend, erm, left the contents of his harddrive on mine...

@ Al - the Lemmy sucked when I was there - full of rugby twats shitting in glasses. Apparently there's a London Lemmy too now, which I have a similar lack of desire to go to.
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:06, closed)

She's 21! But she is only ickle.
Doing a law degree takes bloody ages, I've got about another 4 years before she can move in with me properly and start paying rent!

What's the lemmy? I've never been to Exeter, the Mrs is currently at Uni in Kent (her mum forced her to stay near home), but she'll be transferring (hopefully) at the end of the year.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:07, closed)

@Bert
as long as you've been seeing her for less than 5 years then it's all good.

She'll be able to support you through your old age with her super lawyer powers though.
( Madam Marlboro : bringing sexy back. YEAH., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:09, closed)

The Lemmy
Or Lemon Grove is the on campus nightclub at Exeter Uni.

Don't. Just don't.
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:10, closed)

*tries not to offend*
One of the main problems with Exeter is the students

While I imagine there are some decent ones, most are rich idiots with the newest cars (who needs a car at uni? no one!)

Mostly doing useless courses after they got rejected from Oxford and Cambridge.

They have this stupid sticker that says (in Carlsberg font) Exeter, probably the best university in the world.

It makes my blood boil

Edit: The Lemongrove is pretty shit. But it is one of the few places that half decent gigs get put on...
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:10, closed)

The lemmy
is the ubiquitous student union club in Exeter, like The Cellar in Manchester (thats if you went to the proper manchester, not UMIST, fucking splitters).

Only they don't have a union, it's a students guild or something.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:10, closed)

It's been just over a year now, she turned 21 back in March.
I'm not a paedo!

That's exactly what I'm hoping, I'll be house-husband and failed writer for the rest of my days. Bliss.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:11, closed)

The Lemmy
The Lemmy is totally shit (at least it was when i was there 10 years ago), especially when you live next door to it.

Did totally love Exeter though - much better than London..
(mejt, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:15, closed)

@Bert
I used to be a house husband.
Spend 1 hour doing the cleaning and stuff in a little flat. Rest of the day to listen to good music, watch films, read books and do some writing.
Then she's come home from work and spoil it. Bitch.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:15, closed)

@Vipros
I was *so* not one of those students. I remember seeing an invite to a birthday party from one of *those* students, on that gilt edged card, which said, 'carriages at 1am'

Being a somewhat lairy Welsh girl with a comprehensive school background and a serious drinking habit, I did not get such an invite. I stayed at Uni and drank a pint and a half of pernod and black instead...
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:16, closed)

I'm learning lots today,
I'll be able to go back to the Mrs and talk about stuff in Exeter, and she'll be all like, 'wow, how do you know that?' and I'll be all like, 'some guys on the internet told me.' and she'll be all like, 'wow, you haven't got any real friends, have you?' and I'll be all like, 'yeah?' and she'll be all like, 'shut up and do stuff to me...'
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:18, closed)

Don't stop there Bert
you were clearly getting to the good bit of that story!
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:19, closed)

Bucket
Is this turning into an Exeter Uni re-union?..
(mejt, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:19, closed)

No, al!
There will be no more sexy stories until a fwappage fodder QOTW is posted.

Damn those mods, damn them all to hell.

*shakes fist*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:21, closed)

if you all like it so much
you should come and visit me!
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:24, closed)

I'm sorry K2K6 and Weewitch.
When I win the lottery I'm hoping to move to Scotland. You'd better let me in or else I'll cry.
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:25, closed)

I work in Exeter
And live in Dawlish. It's a great place if you dont mind mad nutters from Plymouth trying to blow you up
(quagarr, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:26, closed)

Word up, my brethren...
Talking of cradle snatching, Mrs. Devil was finishing her GCSE's as I started Uni.

I feel very old, even though there's only 4 years difference... e.g. - She remembers Playbus, not Playschool.

Weirdo.

PS Exeter is Lully!
( Devil_In_Stockings has been an 'acceptable' boy this year, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:27, closed)

@ BGB
don't worry, I'll let you in when they're not looking
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:28, closed)

@HLT
Thanks, I forgot you were up there as well. All I'm waiting for is the cash and I'll be there like a ferret up a trouser leg.
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:31, closed)

@DIT
There's 5 years between me and the mrs, she doesn't even remember Earthworm Jim!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:31, closed)

@Quagarr
not overly familiar with Dawlish, other than the Warren (bleurgh)

although my bro and some of our mates call ourselves the Warren Wave Riders Assocation (during the winter when we can't be arsed to drive to proper surf)
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:31, closed)

It's OK, BGB.
We'll let you in. You're OK.

Especially if you manage to sell your house to someone currently in Scotland, thus creating a dynamic equilibrium.

Edit - Didn't know you were north of the Wall, HLT?
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:32, closed)

@BGB
okay, you're the exception. Nice people are welcome everywhere after all.

Can I visit you on millionaire's row then - it's not that far from my house. Geographically speaking. In any other terms it might as well be another planet!

EDIT: and you can sell your current house to the twunts in our street who think that the whole street's a bin. Mucky buggers.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:32, closed)

@ BM
WHAT?

*attempts a frown*

*realises it pales in comparison to Kaols*

Get a DVD?
( Devil_In_Stockings has been an 'acceptable' boy this year, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:33, closed)

Vipros
Dawlish is OK if like little towns and more than it's fair share of pubs. As for the Warren, I try and avoid it as much as possible the only thing it was ever good for was taking the ex for a trip behind the sand dunes
(quagarr, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:35, closed)

Sorry Weewitch.
I shall be living somewhere remote and windswept by the coast. I shall raise kittens and goats and paint pictures.

You can visit though.
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:35, closed)

*stuttering in fear as he says this*
W-w-w-wh... Whats earthworm j-j-jim?
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:35, closed)

@k2k6
Aye!

In the Borders so I'm not cold and wet though :)
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:35, closed)

I've tried DIT,
lord have I tried. She's more interested in The OC than Dangermouse, her brain is clearly broken.

Belgaer! You f*cking c*nt! There's something seriously wrong with you!
I demand that you buy a Sega Megadrive, and every episode of Earthworm Jim they ever made.

*huge cow falls from the sky crushing everyone*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:36, closed)

Psst! Belgaer!
here you go.

EDIT: What is this OC of which you speak? I can't imagine it could be better than Dangermouse...

*googles*

Oh dear Lord.
( Devil_In_Stockings has been an 'acceptable' boy this year, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:36, closed)

@BGB
"remote and windswept by the coast"?

that's half the country, then. Especially the windswept part.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:37, closed)

@ BGB
Will you paint the goats? can me and WW come round for cake and pink wine?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:37, closed)

OHHHH!!
I know him! I just didn't know that was his name... :P
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:38, closed)

@BGB
Nowhere in Scotland is far from the coast, so we'll all be able to visit you. Depends on how remote and windswept you want though. It can get pretty bleak up north in the winter.

@HLT - If it's the Borders it won't be cold and wet, you're right. Just cool and damp!
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:39, closed)

@HLT
Where in the Borders?
I'm from Hawick, but live in Leeds now.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:39, closed)

O, HALP!
I appear to be trapped under this cow, in a moment of Monty Python related japery!

(Launch the Cow!)

(Bonus point: Riiide the Piiig! - from which cartoon?)
( Devil_In_Stockings has been an 'acceptable' boy this year, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:39, closed)

Bert,
you're forgetting I'm 18.

I'm younger than your girlfriend, so I'm allowed a bit of slack.

Anyway, I do know what earthworm jim is, I just don't remember by name. I have a pictographic memory.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:39, closed)

@ Boss
You left Hawick for Leeds?!

I'm in Kelso
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:41, closed)

*frowns at Belgaer*
:|

EDIT Ok, you're 18, you can get away with it. But you should still watch Earthworm Jim, and Dangermouse.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:42, closed)

*panics*
I think Kaol's inside Bert!

Hur hur hur.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:43, closed)

Everyone can come and visit.
I shall be a very generous hostess.

I've always wanted to move to the Scottish highlands.
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:43, closed)

I have watched Earthworm jim, when I were little.
And I watched dangermouse a few weeks ago. We rented a disk. :)
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:44, closed)

@BGB
ah, the Highlands ... where men are men and sheep are fast runners! Or grateful.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:44, closed)

^Och Aye!
could you throw the BGB Highland Games?

*tosses caber*
( Devil_In_Stockings has been an 'acceptable' boy this year, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:45, closed)

*catches DiT's heavy load*
Urrrrrrgh.

*wipes hands*
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:45, closed)

@hlt
Yeah, prefer the city life. Too many people who took my ex-wife's side after the break up so thought it was better to go. Think she actually lives in Kelso now.
Did take me new girlfriend and her kids home a few weekends back to see part of the Common Riding and they enjoyed it.
Kelso's lovely too.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:46, closed)

@DiT
if she's a millionaire, she can have any kind of games she wants ...

*winks suggestively*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:50, closed)

*wanks Suggs digestively*


Sorry, I have no idea why I said that.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:52, closed)

@TWW
Leave BGB alone! Think of your burly builder left at home alone to polish his hard hat you hussy.

Incidentally, did you get the pledge out last night?
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:52, closed)

I shall throw the mother of all Scottish B3ta bashes.
There will be goats, monkeys, cake and vodka, highland dancing and lowland loving.

Your all invited but bring your own monkeys.
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:53, closed)

@Bert
you are going to get me fired if I laugh any louder.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:53, closed)

@al
now that would be telling ....

it wouldn't do him any harm to polish his own helmet on occasion ...


edit: BGB, if I'm bringing my own monkeys, I'll nip down to the zoo and grab the two capuchin monkeys who were shagging in full view of the public at the weekend. Shameless wee sods.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:54, closed)

@TWW
Aaaaah, but what if he starts to enjoy doing the housework himself, or even worse, gets a cleaner in.

Edit - That would be terrible though and i'm sure he never would, especially not given how you look in a two piece bikini, a wedding ring and factor 35.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:56, closed)

@al
Ithangewverymuch*.

*Bert Monkeysex accepts no responsibilty for loss of employment, tea, keyboards, or hard disks being confiscated by the police. When laughing at a Bert Monkeysex post you do so at your own risk, and at the risk of being mocked and frowned upon by the 'norms'.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:58, closed)

@al
ssssshhhhh - that was just between us! People will talk.

*glances around furtively*

edit: enjoy the housework? I think he'd rather be tortured.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:00, closed)

HAVE YOU BEEN SACKED FOR LAUGHING AT THE INTERNETS?
Maybe you laughed and it wasn't your fault?
Have you looked at images that others may find offensive, and been penalised for it?
Have you had the cost of a keyboard deducted from your wage because you spat coffee on it?

OFFICELOLLawyersFORU is here to help. We can reclaim 100% of your compensation!

No win - Fee!
Win - Fee!

Call 08457 WHYBOTHERWORKINGWHENYOUCOULDJUSTSUEBERT - NOW!
( Devil_In_Stockings has been an 'acceptable' boy this year, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:10, closed)

TWW
Tis the season for public shagging...

I was watching caught sight of two determined pigeons having a go, oblivious to both the approach of my murderous cat and the flimsyness of the branch they were on.
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:13, closed)

@ Ancrenne
You can't stop the story there, you have to go into details about the scuffle followed by spraying blood and all three participents + branch falling to the floor..
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:14, closed)

@ancrenne
Pigeons? Never seen them shagging. I grew up in the country, so I've seen a lot of public shagging (sometimes it was even animals!) but pigeons? Not once.

Although remember the b3ta rule? Pictures or it didn't happen
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:15, closed)

@Ancrenne
don't bother - the story belgaer has played out in his head will be far more entertaining than anything you can tell us.
( clendrix Bring on the Jazz Chickens!, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:16, closed)

I once saw TWW having sex.
B3ta rule, TWW?;)
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:16, closed)

^Ancrennene
It is. The flat above mine has a bay window, and the other day I saw my neigbours de-robe each other in it.

Didn't even close the curtains. Now THAT's love. Or exhibitionism...
( Devil_In_Stockings has been an 'acceptable' boy this year, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:17, closed)

I'd love to add photos
but unfortunately my mate burst out laughing when she worked out what was happening, startled them so much they flew away...

The cat was very disappointed though. He brought home a wasp instead.
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:17, closed)

I am going to print this out
and make a 3D version of it. Then, the next time I'm sat near a freaky person on the District line (I think Rachelswipe is spot-on with her theory) I'll move the arrow to red, making "zoop!" and "ding!" sound effects. And then move to another carriage.

Dammit I want to stay and chat, but need to go to Covent Garden for a meeting shortly. Argh silly work getting in the way of b3ta.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:21, closed)

@Belgaer
so that was you with the camera was it? The flash almost blinded me - a bit of warning next time, eh? Oh, and try to get my good side (the back)
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:21, closed)

*whistles*
"I got a swinging spot, where the piano's hot, and all that jazz"

Hi Bob!
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:22, closed)

@Al
You can whistle words?

That's clever. You should be on Britain's got Talent, or whatever.

Edit - Afternoon, Ms Fossil.
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:24, closed)

Yes
not only can I whistle words, I can actually whistle the wrong words.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:28, closed)

afternoon all!
I'm buggering off now. Oh well. Perhaps we shall continue this beautiful liaison tomorrow...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:30, closed)

Is being able to whistle the wrong words
what all the cool kids can do now then? Are you a cool kid Al?

Edit - hello/bye bob. See you tomorrow
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:31, closed)

Please don't go!
Babe, I love you so,
and I want you to know,
please don't go....

so far away.

*whistles what could be the right words*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:32, closed)

I'm so hip
I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.

What is love! Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. What is love! Baby don't hurt me, dont hurt me, no more.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:36, closed)

Since we're serenading eachother...
I wanna fuck you like an animal.
I wanna feel you from the inside.
I wanna fuck you like an animal.
My whole existence is flawed.

/romantic
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:37, closed)

al
You and me, we're kings of this whole internet random-song-riffing, bouncing back lyrics at each other like we do it for a living. We're the fucking business.

You and I in a little toy shop
buy a bag of ballons with the money we've got
Set them free at the break of dawn
'Til one by one, they were gone
Back at base, bugs in the software
Flash the massage "Something out there"
Floating in the summer sky...

@Belgaer while we all appreciate a bit of Reznor every now and then, in order to win at lyric-riffing songs must be cheesy 80s pop, or 90s techno or rap.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:39, closed)

My favourite song of the day is
Sweet Joy by Alabama 3 and the Proclaimers.

And I'm going to see Alabama 3 in August. For all that Larry Love looks half dead (cadaverous was the word used in the paper) I will be a dribbling wreck when I watch him dance..
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:40, closed)

*goes to his happy place*
*dances round in a room of red balloons*

Woooooo!

*sexes Bert with a balloon*

Remember that tank top you bought me,
you wrote you're gorgeous on it,
you took me to your rented motor car,
and filmed me on the bonnet,
you told me to hitch my knees up,
you tore away my shirt,
you took and instamatic camera,
snapped me 'til it hurt
Because Your're Gorgeous!
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:42, closed)

You're gorgeous?
I see you, and raise you a

Just fell from the mothership, hip,

girl your booty is so round, let me lick you up and down,
if I cannot be with you maybe I can have a taste.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:44, closed)

@Al
that is one of the worst songs ever written
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:45, closed)

@Vipros
But is it lodged in your head now?

Replace with

Hi Barbie
Hi Ken!
Do you wanna go for a ride?
Sure Ken!
Jump In...

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Come on Barbie, let's go party!

*bangs head on desk*
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:47, closed)

Put your arms around me Bert
and your booty on my face!

woo!

@Vipros Although I prefer pretty much everything off Theres Something Going On, I still think its a little slice of pop magic. Sorry!
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:47, closed)

@ Ancrenne
If I'm not mistaken I accidentally saw Alabama 3 supporting The Levellers earlier this year and they were absolutely awful.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:48, closed)

I actually have the outhere brothers stuck in my head
but as usual when I think too much about it, it is changing into fucking Rhinestone cowboy

now I will have that in my head for about a week

edit: I'm sure I've seen Alabama 3 as well (at a festival started by the Levellers) and I didn't think much of them
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:50, closed)

@al
I made out with a 14 year old girl when that song came out.

Luckily I was 14 at the time.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:51, closed)

I like Alabama 3
saw them a couple of times and they rocked.

Now, about this singing malarky.

I wanna watch you drown in a lake
Or get stamped by a bull or bit by a snake
And there is not a single doctor who will come and help you
I want you to move to Australia
With me a success and you facing failure
And all of the friends you had ignoring your calls


Or are we supposed to be serenading with nice songs?
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:52, closed)

Belgaer
In my world, they never are awful. Even if they sound shit I get to feast my eyes on the fabulous Mr Love and feel like a proper wrong 'un for a while.

Vipros - yup - Beautiful Days. They're there again this year

*happies*
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:52, closed)

@Bert
Snap!

I did that last week too, and I was only, oh hang on.

errrrm

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy,
riding out on a horse on in a star spangled rodeo.

'cause you RIDE on time
'cause you RIDE on time
Ri-Ri-RIDE on time
yeah you RIDE on time
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:53, closed)

@CHCB
???
Dunno that one.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:54, closed)

On CD
I think they're pretty good, I enjoy them. But I dunno what it was about them live but they were just terrible. I felt embaressed for them because they were trying to get the crowd going/singing the last word of lines and people were just non-responsive to it. I was cringing right through the performance.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:54, closed)

@CHCB
Waht kind of music do you listen to?!

*throws shapes to al's singing*

Gotta get upGotta get upGotta get upGotta get upGotta get upGotta get upGotta get upGotta get upGotta get upGotta get upGotta get upGotta get up

Time won't take my love... away...

NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo there's no limits!
NoNo limits, we'll reach for the sky, we'll do what we want and we'll do it with pride...
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:58, closed)

@Belgaer
where did you see them?

They did a few gigs with the levs for the levs 20th birthday thing which my mate (who works with the levs) said weren't sold out and hadn't a great atmosphere..
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:00, closed)

Bye everyone.
I shall be off soon and won't see you all for a week. Have lots of goatee fun and I hope the next qotw rocks.

XX
( big-girl's-baubles cannot suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:00, closed)

wooo, half an hour and then I leave to go surfing!
We're rotten to the core,
My congratulations, no one likes you anymore
Bad guys
We're the very worst,
Each of us contemptible,
We're criticised and cursed,
We made the big time,
Malicious and mad
We're the very best at being bad....
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:01, closed)

She likes
Ribena Banana.

But only when played on a gramaphone wound up by a small turkish boy as she relaxes in her crushed velvet smoking jacket.

Hang on, I'm confusing her with someone else aren't I.

EDIT - Love! Sex! Intelligence! Coming on like a seventh sense Love! Sex! Intelligence!
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:01, closed)

Bye BGB
Enjoy whatever you're up to!

*edit* @al

This is rapidly becoming my favourite running gag.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:01, closed)

@Boss Keloid
It's the only dumping song I can think of, but it ain't famous.
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:02, closed)

Bye BGB
have fun on your flights and give him one for all of us (that's a lot of ones).
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:03, closed)

Bye Bye miss BGB
Have a fabulous time. Keep cool and have fun!
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:03, closed)

@CHCB
I thought I'd found a song that had slipped past my cultural radar.

'Tis good.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:04, closed)

@Sexmonkey
I listen to what is best described as 'eclectic', but is predominately Irish fiddle music, The Broken Family Band, The Pogues, Tom Waits, a bunch of other stuff including a heap of grunge, rock and industrial, and a pile of alt.country shit. And Neil Diamond. And Panic! at the Disco, though I'd like a refund on their new album cos it's not emo enough.
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:04, closed)

@CHCB
I love Tom Waits.

In a macho heterosexual way obviously.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:06, closed)

Neil Diamond!
Neil Diamond fucking rocks! I love 12 songs, and America and and and, I just love his voice.

I have one album by TBFB, I forget the name, but it is good.

@BK do you mean the song lyrics, or the assumption by myself that Enzyme wears crushed velvet and is waited on at all times by a small turkish boy?
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:07, closed)

@BGB
Cheerio! Have fun!

I can trump any lyric contest with a simple

AGADOODOODOO

Push Pineapple, shake a tree,
to the left to the right,
something something black coffee,
jump up and down every night,
to the hula melody...
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:07, closed)

I love Tom Waits
especially if there's a midget in the song.
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:07, closed)

@al
Both I think! I giggle like a Japanese schoolgirl at either image.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:10, closed)

If it's songs with midgets in
then you would be hard pushed to beat R Kellys kitchen opera thing about finding you wife cheating on you with a midget.

It has a video and everything.

Not that video Bert.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:10, closed)

@ Ancrenne
Uhm... 8th March at the Brixton Acadamay.

The atmosphere for The Levellers was amazing, it was just before they came on that it wasn't... :S
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:11, closed)

How about this
Way down deep in the middle of the Congo,
A rhino took a pineapple, a mandarin, a mango,
He put them all together and he danced a tiny tango,
And the rhino said, "I know, we'll call it Um Bongo"

Not strictly pop, but I liked it.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)

@al et al.
will Enzyme be bringing his small Turkish boy next week?
Is 'small Turkish boy' a euphemism?
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)

@CHCB
Could be. Does he ever make veiled references to it being "full of Eastern promise"?
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:14, closed)

Ach, cock it
someone's given me some actual work.

Catch you all soon :(
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:14, closed)

How about
Oh darling, sugar, honey,
When it is nice and sunny,
And when I have some money,
We could go and see Echo and the Bunny....
Men.

Half Man Half Biscuit FTW.
( K2k6 has been using boiling nitric acid, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:14, closed)

@BK
I LOVE the Um Bongo ads!

@al I loved that video too, the man in the cupboard is midget, midget, midget...


Oh, Mr Soft, why is this world in which you're living so strange?

*boings*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:15, closed)

@Boss Keloid
he said something about sampling his Turkish Delight.

Edit: @K2k6 - seconding the Half Man Half Biscuit brilliance.
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:16, closed)

I most certainly expect him to
otherwise who will be carrying his set of hand monogrammed matching luggage, small parasol and chaise longue (crushed velvet naturally).

@CHCB don't be so filthy, I'm sure he has perfectly normal nicknames for little Enzyme.

EDIT - for Bert

Risin up, back on the streets,
did my time, took my chances
went the distance now i'm back on my feet
just a man and his will to survive.

I frickin love the video for this song, especially the hat the singer wears.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:18, closed)

^ yeah
nicknames in Latin.


(Edit: and I think you actually just described Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen.)
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:18, closed)

@CHCB
I actually El Topo last night and now have visions of Enzyme riding through the desert with a small naked boy on the back of his saddle. Oh dear.

*scrubs brain*
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:20, closed)

I wish you lot weren't all so old,
then I'd have a clue what you were rambling on about.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:20, closed)

@k2k6 and CHCB
half-man half-biscuit FTW indeed

*sings*
time flies by when you're the driver of a train,
pulling into Trumpton with a cargo of cocaine...
( Festivipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:22, closed)

Nah
Enzymes boy wears a fez at all time.

And apparently, Junior Enzyme, in latin, is Junior Enzyme. Who knew eh! It could just be a crap translator mind.

I, don't like a thing about your mother
And I, hate your daddys guts too
I don't like a thing about your sister
and I, I, I, think sex is overated too.

Cause I, get sick when I'm around
I cant stand to be around
I hate everything about you
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:25, closed)

Ugly Kid Joe!
There's a blast from teh pAST. dAMN cAPSLOCK
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:26, closed)

@al
It's not so much the hat, as the tight trousers that I love in that video, and the fact that they all appear to be walking somewhere with intent, but don't seem to get anywhere at all.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:26, closed)

They Might Be Giants
The sun is a mass
Of incandescent gas
A gigantic nuclear furnace
Where hydrogen melts into helium
At temperatures of millions of degrees
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:28, closed)

*loves BK on the leg*
Yay, one I not only know but love. That song is awesome.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:28, closed)

@Belgaer
*wipes leg*

Great isn't it?
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:30, closed)

You don't need to wipe your leg,
I offer a free cleaning service after lovings.

It's so great your quoting just prompted me to listen to it :D *dances in his chair*
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:32, closed)

@Belgaer
Damn it!
Must download copy. I was floating on nostalgia, it's been years since I heard it.
(Boss Keloid Following Hitler with bourbon biscuits, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:33, closed)

Gaz me your email address
and I'll consider signing you up for spam.

I mean, I'll send you a copy.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:35, closed)

I shall be heading off soon
and i won't be back until next monday or tuesday, so I hope you don't miss my delightfully whimsical style of writing and witty reparte too much.

Hope you all have fine and fluffy weekends.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:45, closed)

Where are you going, Mr. Al?

(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:47, closed)

everyone's leaving... sob!
I hope you all have nice times, and I hope you aren't all having nice times together by leaving me out.
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:48, closed)

I'm going to
drink myself silly in a field at donington before rocking out to a number of bands who were famous before you were born. Many were famous even before I was born.

and some, but only a couple mind, were famous before CHCB was born!


Sorry!
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:49, closed)

Hahaha, I get it!
Because she's old! Hah.

I'm sorry too.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:51, closed)

Well that's my work quote done for the week.
And everyone's going - boo!

CHCB - I'm not off doing any fun stuff either.

*pours two three large drinks*

*passes one to CHCB*

*passes one to Belgaer

Sorry mate didn't know you were still here ;)

And now I'm off. Bye all!
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:52, closed)

Dammit Belgaer
I wrote it small so she couldn't see! (her eyesight isn't as good as it once was bless her)

*hides from angry norn irish lady*
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:52, closed)

Do I not get any drinkipoos? :(

(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:52, closed)

Y'know Al,
we're both gonna pay for this so badly...

Once she gets here. Bloody zimoframes aren't as fast as they used to be.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:53, closed)

Why do I get the feeling
I'm going to get a slap on the 19th.

Sorry CHCB!

*passes large bottle of gin*
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:54, closed)

If everyone is leaving
i'd better come back.

Do I get any leg loving?
( clendrix Bring on the Jazz Chickens!, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:54, closed)

@ Ancrenne,
You confuse me, you complain about taking tax payers money and not doing any work, then you get some and complain more... Women, pah. Did you have fun anyway?

@ Clendrix
Oh go on then... *sighs*
*loves clendrix on the leg*
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 16:55, closed)

*waves*
I'm still here... Well, actually, I went to a meeting, but I'm back now.

*leg jealouses*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:04, closed)

*licks HLT in the eye*
*then loves her on the leg whilst she's distracted*
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:05, closed)

GRRRR!
*slaps al, and not in a good way*

Thanks for the drink, ancrenne.

I'm not old! So there! And besides, Enzyme is only 9 months younger than me. And BGB is older than, like, EVERYONE.

And I only look 25, apparently.
And when they said 'look', they may have meant 'act'.
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:07, closed)

Who's been lying to CHCB again?
You know that at her age she's a bit more gullable.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:09, closed)

Oooooooooo
Now now, miss ceilidhband, we were only joking, there is no need to be mean about BGB, especially as she isn't here to defend herself with her steel laden jubblies.

Edit @Belgaer - come on, stop being mean, or we'll start being mean about your lack of experience
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:09, closed)

^
*chinese burns al and Belgaer*
so nyah!
:p

Edit: @al - and it's not "miss", it's "Ms", or "Dr."
Double nyah!!
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:11, closed)

@ Al
Aww, you're gonna be a dad soon, aren't you? I can tell by the parenting tone you used.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:11, closed)

@CHCB (up a couple of posts)
I like how you threw the "like" in there to try to sound \\even// younger in a valley girl kinda way.

Hmmm - late to the party again. anyone would think I was doing some real work or something.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:12, closed)

^
Damn, you saw through my cunning ruse.
( crackhouseceilidhband - "refreshing and logical", Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:14, closed)

*winces and rubs red wrist*
Oh dear christ I hope I'm not going to be a dad anytime soon. But I have spent time looking after children, so that's probably why.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:15, closed)

I've lost track!
I had to work for a minute, what's going on?

*BUMS*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:17, closed)

*waves at HLT*
your board signature makes me want to eat gingerbread. but not you, bcause that would be rude.
( clendrix Bring on the Jazz Chickens!, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:18, closed)

*loves Bert on the leg*
Not much, really.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:18, closed)

@ Clendrix
I'm sure if you ate HLT there'd be plenty b3tan men willing to watch. ;)
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:19, closed)

@Belgaer
Yay, someone else was thinking what I was thinking!
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:19, closed)

@ al
we're probably the only ones.

/pervert
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:20, closed)

@Belgaer
Ta, I feel special now.

@al down boy! Not watch, fwap over.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:21, closed)

ok
but charge is probably way to expensive for anyone who, say, doesn't work...

yay, spain score!
( clendrix Bring on the Jazz Chickens!, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:21, closed)

You are special, dear.

(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:25, closed)

Right
I really am going now, I have buy dustsheets.

I live a wild and crazy life.

I love you all from the heart of my bottom.
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:26, closed)

@ all the b3taboys
Would you really want to see me being eaten?

*glees*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:27, closed)

bye
al!
( clendrix Bring on the Jazz Chickens!, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:28, closed)

Cheerio al!
I hope the dust sheets work this time, there's nothing more infuriating than getting blood on your Thomas the Tank Engine patterned carpet.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:28, closed)

Bye Al, have funs.
Yes HLT, we probably would.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:29, closed)

And
there is nothing harder than dry cleaning a goat.

Apart from a Bert watching a goat being dry cleaned.

@hlt Pictures, or it didn't happen!
( althechristmasgeordie is a bully and a cocksucker, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:29, closed)

me and my friends being eaten by a cow!
home-and-garden.webshots.com/photo/2551508160059937967bxgunq


HAAALLP!!!!

Edit: And byebye!

*snogs*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:32, closed)

@HLT
That's got me hornier than the devil and a stag beetle at an orgy full of goats.

PHWOAR.

EDIT Bye bye all!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:34, closed)

Oh noes
where did everyone go?
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:57, closed)

I'mmmmmmmmm all alone,
theres no one here beside me
my problems have all gone
theres no one here to reside me.

----------------------------------------------

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I might aswell go and eat worms,
Boil 'em, cook 'em, stew 'em, eat 'em,
Might aswell go an eat worms,

Bite of their heads and suck out the blood,
Throw the skins away,
Might aswell go and eat worms.

Edit: Hi Becky, how did the interview go?
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 17:57, closed)

I dunno
I go off to feed the children (my own, not randoms) and do some housework, and when I come back everybody's sloped off.

*sobs*

*repeats worm-eating song in a sad voice*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:01, closed)

@ TWW
You trying to say my voice wasn't sad? :(

I thought I could give off my emotion pretty well in my singing... :'(
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:03, closed)

@Belgaer
yes, but mine was a sad girly voice, which is totally different. And the third/fourth lines in my versions are "big fat juicy ones, wee skinny skooshy ones, see how they wriggle and squirm"

Oh, and it ends with "nobody knows how I survive, on worms three times a day"
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:06, closed)

went ok thanks
I should find out by Friday if they want to take me on there. Luckily they're not just looking for one nurse, it's several, so I stand a better chance.
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:07, closed)

@ TWW
Show off, nobody likes a smart arse.

Also, you have a bad accent that stops you pronouncing things properly. I don't.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:08, closed)

@ Becky
Excellent, best of luck te ye!

How are you, anyway?
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:09, closed)

Remarkably excited actually
As the Prince Charles is showing Pulp Fiction on Monday and Ghostbusters on Thursday. I'm very tempted to go to both.
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:13, closed)

Hmm...
Prince Charles?
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:13, closed)

"Bad accent"?
I say, young fellow, that's a bit strong. I happen to have a delightful east of Scotland accent, soft and easy on the ear. Americans in particular just luuuuuuuurve to hear it (although some think we're Irish).

So there. Oh, and play nice. Any more of that and you'll go over my knee.

*takes off mummy hat*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:13, closed)

I really don't like the mummy hat
it makes you evil. :(
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:14, closed)

Prince Charles cinema.
best in London village.

I'm off to get some food...Mmm...food
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:16, closed)

Let that be a lesson
my young friend. Although a certain type of gent seems to like the "bad mummy" version of me ... rather odd, that. Can't understand it myself!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:16, closed)

Ah right, cinema, gotcha. What you having to eat?
You can't understand it? It's Freudism, innit luv.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:38, closed)

Aaaah Freud
now there's an odd chap.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:48, closed)

Wait, let me get this right...
You're saying that Freud is odd, on b3ta? Ooookay....
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:49, closed)

Yeah
fair point. But there's odd and there's odd you see.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:51, closed)

No,
I don't.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:52, closed)

Put it another way
there are plenty of eccentrics on this site, 'tis true, but most would be damn good company in the pub. Freud, on the other hand, would get on my nerves and most likely end up with a smack in the face.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:55, closed)

Too many "Your mum" jokes?
They get on my nerves after a while too.
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:56, closed)

Anyhoo
have to go, the bat mobile (my mum's car) has just pulled up outside!

See ya later
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:58, closed)

Bye

(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 18:58, closed)

I've missed all this!
Fucking meetings!

(On the plus side though I still have a job, and I'm being relocated to a 10 minute drive away from where I live! yay!)
( Davros' Granddad booked a holiday, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 19:25, closed)

Everyone else (other than myself an Spakkaman
Still has a job too...
(Belgaer is, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 19:29, closed)

I might get the chop
but not for another year yet.

Congrats, Grandad!
( clendrix Bring on the Jazz Chickens!, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 19:49, closed)

I shall add
to the mountain of replies. I've just put my binoculars away, y'see.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 21:27, closed)

@Davros
Great news - congratulations!
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 22:37, closed)

Congratu-malations Davros
Always a plus. And only 10 minutes away. Awesome!
(ReindeerOfDeath wants a holiday on, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 23:04, closed)

*frowns*
Fair payback for:

*grins*

In other news, I had a lovely day in Brighton, after I finished work.
I went to a knife shop, to get a new one for "every-day" use.
And I also went to a hardware shop to get electrical tape.

Next stop Burts house!
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 0:18, closed)

Yay!
I was trying to find the old thread with this pic in it earlier, but couldn't, and it made me sad.

I'm sure they will be glad you posted it again.
(ReindeerOfDeath wants a holiday on, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 0:35, closed)

Is disappointed
Was expecting something better. Then again, fuck knows what it would be.
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 0:40, closed)

@becky
you're a filthy pervert, that's why. Expecting something a bit more graphic were we? -come on over to my place.

@Kaol I love that picture, glad to hear you've got a nice new implement for stabbing.

@PoD the pic's in my profile! -you should have just asked. :D
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 8:55, closed)