samantha blow-job
being a law-abiding lawyer [well, some of the time] i haven't clashed with the police myself. but my friend, whom we'll call sam since it is her name, has nearly dropped me in it twice...

the first time i was driving a carload home from the pub [the george in stockport if anyone knows that particular shitpit]. as i turned right onto the a6, which is a big wide corner, sam, who was spectacularly pissed, decided to lower the window and hang out of it to wave at our mates in the car behind. two seconds later and i've been pulled over to the side of the road. to be informed by the police that i would be getting a fine and 3 points for failing to control my passenger. my howl of rage alerted sam, who staggered drunkenly over and stabbed a finger into the chest of the policemen.

"you leave her the fuck alone," she slurred. like wolves scenting fresh prey, they told me to get back in the car and to forget it. i was quite literally frozen to the spot as they told sam to get into the van. she let rip with a string of obscenities, which she yelled at the top of her voice. eventually they posted her into the van and drove away with her.

apparently she lit a fag in the van and was told sharply to put it out. so she blew smoke at them and told them to fuck off, meaning that they then handcuffed her. she shouted all the way to the station, and shouted whilst they put her in a cell. eventually an older, nice policeman approached her.

"what's your name darling?" he asked kindly. sensing a potential ally, sam stopped shouting and smiled at him.

"samantha," she said sweetly. and then, less sweetly, "samantha blow-job and i live at 44 fuck-you avenue." then she burst out laughing. the kind old policeman's eyes glazed over with steel and he slammed the door on her.

at 6am he came back. sam had woken up, cold, sober, alone and very ill. oh and very very scared and unhappy. the nice policeman opened the door.

"it's not funny now, is it?" he asked.

sam shook her head. "no," she said feebly.

"do you want to go home?" he said kindly.

"yes," she whispered. and he burst out laughing.

"but you want to go home? now THAT'S funny." and he walked off, still laughing.

they left her there for a few more hours before charging her with breach of the peace and throwing her out. she got a fine.

did she learn? did she fuck. about 6 months later i was pulled over by the police and was baffled because i had not been speeding at all. turns out sam had thrown a sandwich box out of the window and had hit a copper in the face with it... only a low cut top saved us from further incidents!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2005, 13:00, Reply)