Union City Blues - Part Two
During my time in Manchester I was part of the Events Crew at Manchester Uni. This was during the reign of Baron "Jonny" Stack, a true-blue, honest-to-God baron and mad as a box of frogs. (That's got nothing to do with the story but I thought I'd drop it in. I used to asscociated with real lords you fucking peasants).

So this one night I was doing a gig in one of the smaller bars with my then GF, Liz, who was doing the sound when Julie, the Womans Officer rocked up.

"Could you pop down to the Lesbian Disco and have a look at the decks please" Julie asked Liz "One of them has packed in."

"Can't" says Liz "The bands due on in a minute and I'm doing the sound. Ask Legless - he's doing nothing"

So I picked up my toolkit and follows Julie own to the Lesbian Disco. I nodded hi to Janice, the female security officer who was guarding the doors and went into the disco. I must have made about 10 foot into the room when I was jumped by what seemed like the East German Women's Shot-Putting squad and uncerimoniously bundled out of the doors.

"It'S A MAN!! A MAN!!" they were screeching.

Julie jumped in and saved me before they could do any real damage and the most surreal debate took place.

The feminist lesbians were arguing that I shouldn't be allowed in the room as my mere presence would oppress them and were demanding that Liz, the only female techie, come down to the disco and fix their deck. When a delegation went to ask Liz she told them to "Fuck Off" as she was busy with the band and, if they wanted the decks fixed so badly, to let me do it. The feminists really weren't happy with this but grudgingly agreed to let me in on certain conditions.

1:) I must have an escort of two of the sisters who would stand guard over me and make sure I didn't nip off and rape someone.

2) I mustn't, in any circumstances, raise my eyes or look at anyone or anything except the record deck

Now, to this day, I've no idea why I just didn't tell them to go piss up a rope and fix their own fucking deck. Partly it was because I like Julie who, despite being a lesbian, seemed to harbor no ill-will towards me for being a man. And partly becuase I wanted to see exactly how this would play out.

Anyway, I was escorted across the disco, fixed the deck in double quick time (the drive belt had slipped off) and was then practically frog-marched back across the floor and slung out on my ear. Not a word of thanks. ( Julie did come and find me later and bought me a beer and apologised though.)

An odd little adendum to this story though. The Womans Society later passed a motion that said that, in the future, only wimmin technician could operate or repair their equipment. This, effectively meant Liz as she was the only female sound and lighting tech. Liz, on hearing this told them to go fuck themselves as she was really pissed off with the way they'd treated me. So they ended up having to hire external women techs at huge expense every time they wanted to put on a gig.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 3:30, 2 replies)

I think I might have taken the occasion
to be as subtly offensive as possible- to say, for instance, "There's something fishy about this setup" or "There seem to be too many female connectors and not enough male ones".

And I think I might have also sliced most of the way through the drive belt to guarantee it would fail shortly after I left.

But I'm kind of a bastard that way...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sun 25 Nov 2007, 15:23, closed)

For some reason
The phrase 'Lesbian Disco' just made me chuckle.

Another corker of a story, keep up the good work. Some people are too wrapped up in their own personal grudges against the rest of society that they fail to see the bigger picture.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 20:03, closed)