Seeing as I was fired last week...
... for 'not progressing to the expected standard' I hate pretty much every working man woman and 8 year old child working for 7 grains of sand in 3rd world sweatshop.

I am now back in the dole queue, back applying for endless fucking shitty fucking jobs that I dont want, back to moving in with my parents because I cant pay the rent, back to square fucking one. So fuck you working people! Fuck you!

P.S

Estate agents are also all cunts, but I dont feel I need to justify that claim.
(Bam Bam McPenis will change all this when he is fuhrer., Thu 27 May 2010, 15:31, 1 reply)

Bad luck, mate.
I'm sure many of us here have been through similar. Fucking scary, it is.

At the risk of sounding patronising and if you haven't done so already, find a profession that interests you; research it on the web until it's spluffing out of your ears; then just phone every project manager / operations manager / regional manager in every relevant company and offer your services. In smaller companies go straight for the Chief Exec. Try to never hang up without at least getting another name to call.

Never go near an HR dept. They have no vested interest in you and will 'put your CV on file', ie set fire to it and feed the scattered ashes to the Balrog.

Secretaries will be much easier to get past once you can say, "I'm just doing a bit of networking and such-and-such gave me Geoffrey's name..." If you get some nazi-slut giving you the, "Yes, but can I ask what it's regarding?" stuff, then just be honest.

Boss always busy? Ask when the best time to catch him is, and don't stop calling. Usually they are just really busy and returning your call falls through the cracks when they prioritise their day.


If you hate cold-calling, have a drink or two first but for God's sake don't get pissed. Practise on the firms that interest you least first. You will get the occasional dick who gives you a rude brush-off but you will also be surprised by how many genuinely kind and helpful individuals there are out there.

If you can, offer your services on a six-week trial basis with expenses only. If your CV's a bit of a mish-mash and you haven't got a postgrad qualification then this is the best way. Worked for me after a three year drought. Best of luck. You only get one life.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:47, closed)