THREESOME
It started when PJM stuffed us in the back of his Golf. Fuck me, that boy can party like its nineteen-fucking-ninety-nine, and us three pussies just couldn't keep up.

I remember my head resting on Pooflakes lap. I was drunk and my mouth lolled open, Pooflake stoked my head and said:

"It's going to be ok, Spanky..."

I said: "Err... are you getting a stiffy, Mr Flake?"

He shook his head, "No - my cock is naturally always a little bit hard. Its a curse and a gift, mate. My baby batter is constantly on full spurt alert, just in case, you never know when I might find a young lady drunk or mentally retarded enough to let me have a go at her innards."

At this juncture, with PJM hurtling down the road, Chart Cat woke up a little and said:

"Fellas, I think I've just shat myself."

PJM slammed on the brakes.

SCREEEEAAAACCCCCHHHHHH !!!

"Right, get out! I can put up with the filth that comes out your mouths but the stuff that comes out your arses is another thing altogether!"

And he leaves us, stranded, by the side of the road.

"Fuck me, looks like we're gonna have to walk," said Chart Cat. "Do you fellas wanna here about my threesome?"

"Erm, no thanks - I don't think I fancy doing a technicolour yawn just now," said Pooflake.

Moments later a VW camper van pulls up, beeps the horn. As a group we look inside.

"Fuck me!" says I. "Are you the Canadian Womens Water Polo Team on tour in the UK?"

And they say: "Yes!" Bobbing and bursting in all the right places. "You boys need a lift?"

"Yes, please - I love it when a lady gives me a hand," said Chart Cat, as we clambered into the van.

But no sooner had we pulled away than one of the water polo team pulls out a gun.

Shit!

"Right, boys. We wanna see some fucking or we'll have to shoot you! Go on, get down to it," and she edges forward.

Not being too shy about these things I immediately pull down Pooflakes kegs and get to work on the hearty meal of his meat and two veg.

The water polo team look on, captivated, as Chart Cat, feeling a little squelchy down below in the bumhole area, stands and slides down his pants.

The smell is overpowering.

"Well, at least you won't need to lube me up, Spanks - go on then, get on with it. I know you won't last too long, anyway..." says the Cat, positioning himself on the seat with all the poise and grace of a drunken cunt whos just shat himself.

I kiss Pooflake's lovely bell end a bit longer, developed quite a taste for it, really. Then I move over, slide off my jeans, and enter Chart Cat roughly from behind - and, indeed, the shit smearing his cheeks makes for super-easy access (though I reckon he was pretty damn turned on too).

"Might as well get this over with quickly," says Pooflake, moving behind me, sliding his rod of iron up my chocolate starfish, tickling my prostate from the inside with all the skill and grace of a gorilla wearing lipstick.

And we daisy chain fuck, grunting and whimpering, crying with a strange mix of pain and ecstacy, Pooflake and I taking it in turns for the classic reachround, jiggling Chart Cat's hairy plums and milking his todger like a pair of sweaty, fucked-up Armenian milkmaids.

Then, as one, we cum. And the smell of salty hot manjuice floods the small confines of the van.

Then we dress and sit looking at the girl with the gun and the rest of the Canadian water polo team.

"There you go," says Chart Cat. "You happy now?"

And the girl puts down her gun:

"Ermm.... I meant you had to fuck US, not EACH OTHER..."

They dropped us off at the next service station, and we swore never to mention this night again.


DISCLAIMER: See Pooflakes post below for the reasoning behind this shite. Grrrr Tigers; you are a very strange lady indeed...
( SpankyHanky, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:55, 23 replies)

MY GOD!
Clicks - this is just fucking WRONG!
(Lizard King, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:57, closed)

Thanks, Spanks
LOL !!!
(Grrrrr Tigers, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:58, closed)

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
My brain! You've broken my fucking brain!

*reaches for mindbleach and mental floss simultaneously*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:59, closed)

Just Brillia........

I can't finish typing because I just jizzed with delight.

*clicks with dribbling stonk on*

EDIT: I now just can't.fucking.wait to see what chart cat does...

(I hope it's a post...and not 'suicide-by-mindbleach')
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:59, closed)

Um... er...
What?

Heheh.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:59, closed)

*applauds loudly*
*clicks like an epileptic in tap shoes*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:04, closed)

^^

*clicks reply*

*makes note for future ripping off usage*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:43, closed)

Ha Ha
Luckily I'm half blind so not having seen such activities as being described I have no frame of reference and hence no need for mindbleach. Oh fuck who am I kidding. Have a Click you cunt.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:14, closed)

I can't believe how realistic this is
This actually happened, didn't it!?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:42, closed)

*looks sheepish*

*nods head*

*reminisces*

*spaffs*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:54, closed)

Yes
but its ok - as far as I know none of us got the clap or got pregnant.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:59, closed)

I'm lost for words
and crying with laughter
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:18, closed)

I am utterly speechless
You boys have set the bar pretty fucking high...

It'll have to wait until I get home though, it's nearly 9:30pm here and I should really be in the pub by now.
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:19, closed)

Look forward to it, matey
I'm getting hard at the thought...
( SpankyHanky, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:21, closed)

if I had a knob...
I would be too.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:08, closed)

You can borrow mine...

;)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:44, closed)

Wrong wrong wrong
So very wrong it goes past the line of wrongness, all the way around and approaches it again from the side of rightness.

I thought a bit of exposure to 4chan had prepared me for things like this, but I was wrong.

I'm off to the shops for more tissues and mindbleach. Looks like they'll be needed for the grand finale!
(CaptnJack isn't really called Jack!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:55, closed)

I'm speechless..............
I am glad these are all true stories, I'd hate to see what you would write for fiction.

I'm off for mind bleach now.

(By the way, how many times can I click I like this? Does it count each time I click, not that I would ever click on this post, not ever, oops... already did click many times).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:48, closed)

I don't like this
I fucking LOVE it!
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 4:08, closed)

Reaches for the button marked "Wrong"....
...and then thinks better of it and clickies instead!

W00t!
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 6:33, closed)

heeheeheeheehee!
wonderful!
(Hotty, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 8:18, closed)

I feel dirty
I think I liked that too much.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 15:32, closed)

Marvellous...
...simply marvellous

*click*
(Rotimer was micturating windward at, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 15:40, closed)