Oh, here's another!!!
This is a particular delight for me. I used to live in Basingstoke, and get the train to Sheffield on a regular basis.

To get through the trauma that is Virgin Trains, I used to have my CD Walkman and a raft of CDs at hand. Being a bit 'mutton' I used to have it slightly loud, but not too loud to piss anyone off. Apart from one day...

I'd got on at Sheffield and ended up sat in a table section with this lovely old dear who was great conversation, her being a bit of an academic, and shared her toffees with me on a regular basis. Coming into Tamworth, she motioned to me that she was going to have a little sleep. Fine I said, hoping that my Joy Division CDs weren't going to disturb her.

Anyway, as we move out of Tamworth, this sweaty troglodyte parks his ass across from me and my adopted gran, and proceeded to give me the dirtiest look for a few minutes. Obviously angered by me feigning ignorance, he then reached over, flicked one of my earphones out and bellowed (ironically, as you'll see), "THIS IS THE QUIET COACH, NO STEREOS, YEAH???".

Well obviously taken aback, and a bit embarrassed by the scene being formed around us, I promptly went to put my stereo awake when the old dear, stirred, leant over to the gobshite and said...

"No dear, this is Coach E - Coach D is the quiet coach. Now piss off" (imagine the 'piss off' a la Her Majesty, and you've got it).

Well, talk about hilarity. At this point everyone watching burst out laughing, the fat bloke pissed off, and my elderly friend passed me another toffee.

Result!
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 31 May 2008, 19:49, Reply)