I'm a journalist
So I've spent almost every waking hour of the past 20 years in pubs.
Some highlights:
* Man walks in and waves knife "Give me the money!!" Elderly barman produces a gun and says "Fuck off, sonny." And off he fucked.
* Six foot drunk wanker turns to four foot six petite girl and calls her a slut. She shapes up and with one punch knocks him out.
* Heavily pregnant woman with her top off, sitting on a bench smoking a cigarette, holding a glass of wine while her drunk (male) friend pulls her by the nipple until the whole saggy boob is standing out about two feet away from her body.
* Old crim playing pool and his shooter accidentally falls out of his pocket.
* Smashed detectives stumbling out of the bar into squad car, turn on siren and roar off - into a parked car.
* Seeing a fire hose turned on a group of nasty bulldykes who refused, point blank, to allow anyone else to play pool even though they were crap.
* Drug dealer walks into a bar, upends about 20 grams of coke onto a table and says "It's a present from my mother!" before walking out.
* A man wins an axe in a pub trivia comp (signed by the local woodchopping champ) and proceeds to demolish a couple of tables to cheers from all.
* ANZAC day, watching the parade on TV when one colleague turns and shouts: "This one's for grandpa!" and flattens the Japanese exchange reporter who had wandered in.
* A system of pigeon holes behind a Northern Territory bar where locals would walk in, hand over their wallet and just keep drinking until the barman told them they'd run out of cash.
* Similar system in Queensland where at least 50 ATM cards with the PIN written on in texta were kept in a shoebox, the locals would just order and drink, trusting the bar staff to do the rest.
* Sex, sex and more sex in toilet cubicles, booths, on pool tables, against the bar, behind the bar, in the coolroom, on the footpath, etc etc... including one girl giving a handjob to some bloke while her boyfriend stood on the other side of her unknowing.
* Two guys walk into a bar, announce they're here to fix the pool table, mess about with it for a while, then announce they have to take it back to the factory... they weren't really repairmen.
* The free bong available to locals at one Sydney pub.
* The modelling agency brochure which hung on the wall at another where regulars were allowed to select the new barmaids.
Oh God this could go on all day... I'll just leave you with what is undoubtedly the strangest thing I've ever seen in a bar.
Troughman.
This is a guy who used to regularly be seen around Sydney laying in the toilet trough begging everyone to piss all over him.
Think I'm kidding? Google the name.
( difficultchild, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 5:02, 8 replies)

wow - troughman!
clicks for you sir!
(KnackerDwarf, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 5:52, closed)

Aussie Pubs
Why did you only write about the high class establishments?
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 5:56, closed)

because I'm a journalist
we only frequent the nicer places...
( difficultchild, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 6:22, closed)

*reads*
*moves to Australia*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 7:16, closed)

ANZAC day
earns a *click*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 7:44, closed)

'Troughman'
Takes all sorts to make a world.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 10:27, closed)

Australian
cheat!
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 21:31, closed)

fantastic
Have a click
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:47, closed)