The crap town test...
Over the summer my mate Steve and I were pissing about in a beer garden up in Archway. Steve had just been to the DIY store to pick up some gear, I’d just been to Iceland to get in a few supplies. So, we’re sat there with our respective carrier bags, looking all cool, sipping at a pint, when Steve comes up with an idea to test his theory that Archway was – as he puts it – “a fucking ultimate crapola of a craphole.”

Steve fishes into his bag, pulls out a tube of superglue, he then asks me for a quid.

“Fuck off!” I say. So he gets out a quid of his own. Steve then applies a liberal amount of sticky goo to the Queen’s face (something most of us would like to do, I’m sure), strolls out into the middle of the pavement and plants the cash down firmly. Stands on it. Stands on it a bit more. Walks back to our bench.

Then we wait: “Let’s see how many scummy fuckers try and pick that cunt up in the next half an hour.” I started to point out that I – and I’m sure most people – would pick up a quid if they saw it on the ground. But Steve wasn’t having any of it. This was, according to Steve, a tried and tested way to work out the scum quota for an area.

We sat. We waited. I had a bit of a nibble on the corner of a bacon quiche I had in my Iceland bag. It was a Sunday lunchtime. A pretty quiet time in Archway. Eventually a rather scraggly looking gentleman approached. He’d been loitering while Steve acted the twat and performed his impromptu ‘street art’ performance. This fella looked a bit… well… dodgy… I could feel Steve tense as if someone had just jabbed their thumb up his arse and wiggled it from side to side. This was it – the moment of truth…

But the fella ignored the pound as it sat there all shiny and golden in the bright early afternoon sun. I could feel Steve deflate. I was about to say something along the lines of: “well, they’re all fine upstanding members of society round here,” when I realized the scummy looking lad had continued his Mr Softy lanky gait and was now stood just in front of us. Steve and I looked up as this dodgy looking youth jammed his hand deep in his pocket to make it look as if he had a weapon of some sort and screamed: “GIVE US ALL YER FUCKIN’ MONEY!!!”

Steve and I just stared. Eventually, feeling a little freaked out, the lad legged it. We sat and finished our pints, shaking. We shared a cigarette. Eventually Steve said: “Think we’ll stick to Tufnell Park in future…”

Just a word of advice – don’t glue currency to pavements in dodgy areas. People will assume – quite incorrectly in our case – that if someone can afford to do that, they’ve probably got pockets brimming with loads of lovely, lovely, moolah…
( SpankyHanky, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 17:22, 4 replies)

Wasn't there a similar thing mentioned here somewhere earlier in the year? You basically drop change in the gents stainless toboggan run and see what the largest denomination coin that survives is, if they start scooping pennies out of the pish that really isn't a good sign.
(Benzyl, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 22:54, closed)

Yep
Here.
(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 5:44, closed)

I reckon people have been gluing currency to the streets since its invention
Passes the time though...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 9:13, closed)

To be fair you dont need any test to figure out that Archway is a shit hole - you just have to look at it.
(MrHungry, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:57, closed)