The day after
a particularly violent episode of food poisoning (brought on by rancid mince curry) i was in school, gymnastics to be precise.

It was all pretty low level stuff, mostly forward and backward rolls on those blue mat things. Easy.

Easy until i attempted a reasonably energetic forward roll that resulted in a noxious arse rocket being launched. Luckily i had shat out all the solid stuff earlier...This was the gaseous residue that was forced to evacuate due to my colon compressing antics. When the smell hit i was nearly sick.....imagine boiling up battery acid and shit...well, that was what it was like, powerful and dank.

The guy next to me obviously caught it as well, as his eyes began to water and tongue poked out like a hanging victim. I had to think quickly, my reputation could be destroyed by this. Within seconds it had expanded to fill the entire hall and even the teacher was oscillating between laughing and vomiting.

Who was it? Who had given birth to this premiere class arse biscuit...not me, no way. The guy who initially smelled it, declared it must have been Joe, the tall, slightly odorous chap who came from a scabby home and wore hand me downs...Joe was a decent enough guy, decent enough that he hardly protested his innocence. I even took part in the 'for fucks sake Joe, did you shit yourself' style barbs. Purely to make it look more realistic.

I had gotten away with it. Yass.

Bizarrely, i related this story to my kids a few months back and on that weekend whilst at a christening in a bowling club i actually saw Joe, for the first time in about 20 years. I had the idea of farting next to him and repeating it all over again...but decided against it, as he was still tall, but harder looking.

Every time i see curried mince, especially if it has a small pool of yellow fat slowly oozing from it, i want to vomit...
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 15:54, Reply)