Book him!
Being, as mentioned in a previous story, an army brat I attended many schools while growing up. After a while though I tired of endlessly moving and opted for the stability of a boarding school. Although probably not the best place to spend your formative years there were a few things I liked about it. Mostly the pointless things that had been devised by generations of school kids to counter the boredom of being forced to be at school for weeks on end. These included:

Dorm-raids: A dorm-raid was a great way to bond with your new dorm-mates. Often planned with military precision the aim was to infiltrate one of the other houses armed with pillows, often filled with hard things, and mount a surprise-attack on the sleeping occupants, pummelling them back into the waking world at some ungodly hour, usually whilst shining a light in their eyes. Of course small-scale dorm-raids where one room would attack their neighbours in the same house were also fun but a full-scale inter-house dorm-raid was always an experience to be relished. It often took all the military tactics I believed I inherited from my father to get us all in, spring the attack and then retreat before the housemaster busted us. Often as you lay there afterward pretending you were asleep as if nothing had happened a shiver would run down your spine as retaliation was never far away. Those were the days.

Lampposting: Often employed in dorm-raids but often used as a prank against the lazy (meaning this happened to me on more than one occasion) was lampposting. This involved three of us lifting the bed of the victim to a 90 degree angle and leaving it there. The head of the bed usually had a cupboard on either side further trapping the victim with hilarious consequences.

Booking: My personal favourite. I forgot about this little gem a few years ago and on remembering it I took half an hour to explain it to my friends because I was laughing so hard. At school we were subjected to chapel six days a week. 15 mins at the start of the day Mon-Fri and a whole hour on Sunday. You would think that any chance of a prank in this ecclesiastical environment would be impossible but we were resourceful. Each chapel session involved at least two hymns and other instances where standing was necessary. In front of every pupil was a thick hymn book and a hard-back, thin-spined service book. It was only a matter of time before someone came up with the genius of 'booking'. This involved waiting for a standing part of the service and placing your service book upright on the pew in front and waiting. If positioned correctly, in alignment with the ass-crack of the person in front, the victim would sit down right on the spine putting their whole weight down on it bouncing back up again with a stiffled yelp (no taking in chapel!). As we had two fellows over 100 kg in my house they were the most sought-after victims (on one occasion one of them put a permanent crease in one of the service books as it nearly disappeared up his volumous backside) but woe betide anyone who decided to slump back down without sweeping a hand under their arse first. I had a sore coccyx for a week once!

The length? THE LENGTH?! You can't handle the... sorry nearly lost it for a second there.
( Raindance Work is inversely proportional to post-count, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 16:43, Reply)