Remembered another one
Went to this rather posh Italian restaurant in town for my mum's birthday a few years back and had a massive, gorgeous, creamy spaghetti carbonara, and a lovely evening in general (no drink bar a glass of wine with the meal). Once the evening's proceedings had finished, we went back to the car, whereupon myself and my two brothers decide it'd be rather nice to walk home - only a ten minute walk, after all, and it would be jolly civilised to get some fresh air and work off the very rich meal we'd just eaten. We get over halfway home and I start to get slight stomach cramps - I think my period was due, so thought little of it. Then we get to literally round the corner from home and they get really bad - as in, I thought I was going to collapse any second. You guessed it - suddenly my bowels evacuate what could only be described as slurry all down the back of my legs (whilst wearing a short dress and strappy heels). Thankfully, my older brother was very understanding and sourced me some leaves and things to wipe the worst of it off myself and walked behind me (in my foul trail of stench, I might add) the rest of the way home to save me any indignity from passing cars or the like. The worst bit was my mum relieving me of my shit-caked clothes while I was in the shower - then washing the filthy things, whilst still all dressed up, on her birthday.

To be fair, it did turn out I had quite a nasty stomach bug, but still... *shudders*. Apparently my younger brother walked past the spot the next day and heard someone grumbling about "people not cleaning up after their dogs, bloody disgusting", but he could just be trying to further humiliate me.
( useful_idiot, Wed 30 Nov 2005, 21:07, Reply)