Hairy pussies and how to clean them
This is not what you think, so get your minds out of the gutter, people...

I had a cat a few years back. Jezebel, she was called (still is – the ex got custody). Jez is a Maine Coon, which basically means she is incredibly fluffy – a bit like this:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maine_Coon

One day she got the shits big time, and sauntered through the living room followed by a horribly offensive stench. Me and the ex looked at each other and made an ‘Oh my fucking Jesus, what IS that’? face to each other. Then we noticed that Jez’s back end was awash with liquid shit.

Now cats will generally clean themselves no problem, but when something is really offensive even they can be put off. This was one such time. After several attempts of following her around with a roll of toilet paper (ever tried to wipe a cat’s arse?), and getting nowhere fast, we decided that drastic action was needed.

Cleaning the wee blighter consisted of me holding onto her above the bathroom sink, whilst wearing a thick pair of gloves, and dunking her hairy cat arse into some lukewarm water while my ex continually emptied and refilled the sink, simultaneously wiping Jez’s by now horribly matted fur with an old flannel. All the while Jez indicated that she wasn’t keen on this by clawing, biting and generally squealing in the way that only a pissed off cat can…

We got her clean, but I ended up scratched to buggery and with the taste of cat shit lingering in my mouth where Jez’s frantic squirming had caused shitty water to splash everywhere. The walls, floor, window… my mouth. Literally, everywhere.

Worst. Taste. Ever.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 27 Mar 2008, 17:22, 4 replies)

Snap
One of my cats (all Full or Half Maine Coon) goes by the name of Splat.

'Nuff Said.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 17:37, closed)

Snap
I have to trim the arse hair of my Maine Coon as he regularly gets shitbiscuits caught in there.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 17:59, closed)

Haha I know the feeling.
Well the clawing and biting anyway.

I had to do it with a kitten once =(

Messy little things. Claws like needles.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 18:14, closed)

I actually have tried to wipe a cat's butt before
when I had a long-haired kitten

She quickly became a pissed-off kitten in a bathtub full of water.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 29 Mar 2008, 2:19, closed)