Ski poo
Altitude always gives me the shits. Don't know why. So this year was staying with a very posh and prim schoolmate, making necessary visitations but keeping the situation under control.

After a hard day on the slopes we met up for some alcohol fuelled apres, and after a generous amount of beer I unsurprisingly needed to pee. The very very clean loos were closed for cleaning so I drew everyone's attention to this then when they finally opened I went for my wee. Ahhhhhh.

On standing to replace trousers I made the mistake of farting. A high powered jet of noxious orange lumpy liquid went everywhere. I am drunk, in ski boots, in a toilet cubicle. Both it and me are covered in shit and there is very little paper.

So I make the best of it with what resources I have, and concentrate mainly on cleaning self up. And the toilet brush for I had filled the top section with the handle on completely with my liquid offerings.

I take a deep breath and compose myself hoping I can sneak unnoticed out of very-freshly-but now-sadly-soiled toilet. But outside, queueing to come in is my mate.

She never mentioned it, bless her...
(roadrunner, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 18:29, closed)