My 3 year old nephew is a wuss…
He gets extremely scared of sudden loud noises. Looking after him one day on behalf of my big sister, he notices my small assortment of guitars and asks if he can ‘have a go’ on them. Whilst beating the fretboard of my Strat, he enquired as to what the dials do. “They make it go louder and quieter” was the most elaborate explanation I was prepared to give.
Obviously he wanted a demonstration so I duly obliged and flicked on an amp. Guitarists amongst you will know the irksome bang that often accompanies plugging a jack into a guitar / already switched-on amp. Sure enough the amp gave a loud, baritone cough and lo, there were tears and hysterics, and my feeble attempts at paternal sympathy and reassurance ensued.
Later on the same day; same room with guitars and I’m showing him that it’s not all loud bangs and scary noises. Satisfied by my explanations, he toddled off whilst I switched off the amp and stowed the guitar.
“What’s this?’ he asks from behind my back.
I should point out that some decorating had occurred recently and all things in the house weren’t where they should be.
So barely had I spun around and issued the words “a smoke alarm’ before he pushed the test button with it aiming directly into his face. Cue a Benny Hill-esque, hands clasped over either ear, terrified look on his mini-boat.
Length? A full toss.

(I’ve got my own nipper now, and he puts up with all kinds of racket)
(i.charlius *Two Ronnies Theme*, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 16:40, Reply)