Anyone who knows me offline, or gazzed me for the And That Was The Thanks I Got QOTW
will know the ins and outs of this already, as this is something I refused to post last year. Now that it seems it's all done and dusted, and we are indeed no longer even pretending to be friends, I have no qualms about sharing it.

So, I give you:

The Tale of Stalker Girl

This particular scariness originates from a girl in a seminar I took in my first year of uni, who I initially got chatting to about something random; she added me to her MSN, and introduced me to her crazy love life, which, as it turned out, featured a guy from her corridor who, apparently, treated her terribly - he would sleep with her, then ignore her till he wanted to sleep with her again.

In between these events she would whine, cry, stress, listen to depressing music and send him bitchy emails demanding an explanation as to why he was ignoring her. The part I couldn't understand at first was why she *kept* going back to him when she knew what was going to happen. I now realise that she just likes to be miserable, and likes to cause as much drama as possible. And Gods help you if you're happy in her presence when she's "upset"...

Anyway, one by one her friends got rather sick of mopping her up because he was ignoring her, and so they told her that in future it was her funeral and if she wouldn't listen to good advice then they never wanted to hear another word about the whole thing. Eventually this number came down to one person... me, and I was too polite to say no.

Unfortunately because of the size of our campus, I have a few friends who know him, or know someone who does. Naturally some of my friends were a bit perturbed by the random girl crying over someone who clearly didn't care about her, and some of them have as a result stopped speaking to me because they think I must be the same. A friend of a friend was around, saw she was with me and said "Oh, I know you, you were on *****'s corridor last year!" "Oh yes, I know him! He does drama! We're friends... more than friends!" "Ah - that's not what he says. He's told everyone he knows you're stalking him."

What followed was more drama than a Myspace flame war, and this went on for the next year. She confronted him about the rumours, and ... slept with him. The cycle of the previous year continued, until... OH NOES! He got a proper girlfriend after telling her he didn't want a relationship (who, incidentally, he is still with, and while I don't know the guy other than by sight, good on him). The people she's whining to tell her "aren't you over that yet?" and tell her to shut up, she gets more upset and continues threatening to drop out, and saying she'll never talk to any of those people ever again, especially as more and more of them tell her they believe his side of the story. Again, leaving just me (she kept trying to get me to glare at him and shout at him "I hope you're satisfied!" and things like that if I saw him when the poor guy clearly didn't know me from Adam and cared less). Needless to say, I never did.

Anyway, she was sent to the same university as me for the first half of my Erasmus year. There were six or so of us there from our uni, as well as lots of Americans and some Aussies, and generally all the English-speakers kind of clumped together and talked. Not her, though. Oh no. In between telling me stories about how she knew they didn't want "us" around as there was no room made for us, and how we could only trust one another (remind you of anyone?), and telling anyone who invited us to come and sit them "no, we have things to talk about". She would start conversations like "I get randomly jealous..." "of what?" "Oh, forget I said anything..." "oh FFS..." and then never continue them until the next day, when she would come marching up to me "YOU IGNORED ME YESTERDAY!" and then stamp off.

She refused to go on all the nights out that were organised and the moment there was even a sniff of one "Oh I'm so tired, I feel so ill, I think I'll give this one a miss..." and then expect me to either do the same, or she would come out anyway but whine all evening about how "unfair" it was that she had to socialise and how if she didn't come everyone would bitch about her and say how she was faking it and being boring and ultimately would expect me to accompany her home when she got bored after an hour "in case she got raped" (a rather worrying obsession of hers), meaning that to all intents and purposes I wasn't able to have a life of my own. It got to the point where some people would be surprised to see me on my own and ask me where she was.

EDIT EDIT EDIT: There's more to this, that I completely forgot about. For starters, one day during lunch we were sitting with some twin girls from Iran, and discussing the relative merits of siblinghood (stalker girl and I are both only children). Stalker girl pipes up "I don't need a sister, I have Maladicta... she follows me like a shadow!" and grinned psychotically. This was one of the few times I told her she was being a nutcase, and said quietly "Would you mind going back to where Mariam and Zahra are sitting and telling them you just made that up?" to be confronted with the mother of all shitfits: "OH COME ON! IT WAS A JOKE!" and then stamping off in her usual manner, one reminiscent of a pissed off duck.

Also, in keeping with her "not-sharing-Maladicta-with-anyone-they-might-steal-her" policy, another time we were assigned to do some sort of presentation with two girls from India. Stalker girl takes an immediate dislike to one of them, claiming she thinks the girl fancies her (for someone who was bi one minute and not the next, this is a little hypocritical), and makes a fuss about working with them. As it happened, they lived in the same halls as us, and so we arranged to meet up one Saturday night to go over what we had. After knocking and waiting for about five seconds, stalker girl says "Oh, they're not in" and insists we return to her lair to carry on watching Red Dwarf or something. Three hours later, I am still sat on her bed and feeling incredibly fidgety (she also tried to take my keys off me so I couldn't go back to my own room by pretending to be interested in the keyring I was using, despite thinking having one shaped like handcuffs would "give people the wrong idea" for the same reason she was allowed to wear short skirts (and she was not what anyone would call suited to them) because I would "get a reputation as a slut"*). I digress. There's a knock at the door and on opening it, the two girls are there apologising for not being in as they'd been to Germany for the day. Stalker girl says "fair enough, don't worry about it, we've done our part" and shuts the door. She scowls and what she said next will haunt me for the rest of my life:

"You know what I should have done?"
"No."
"I should have got into my underwear, put my dressing gown on, opened the door a crack with my vibrator** in my hand and said 'do you mind? Me and Maladicta are shagging.'" That was the day I mentally ran screaming out of her room, but in reality I simply got up and said I needed to go home (and even then she'd walk me halfway back to my corridor in case I went visiting someone else).

The worst thing I can think of that she did was completely ruin my 21st birthday. The night before she came round claiming to be "pissing blood" (she regularly fakes being ill, she's had warts, chlamydia and various other ladies' problems according to her, and it's always something that isn't immediately obvious so you can't be 100% sure she's faking, so you can understand why I just said "well okay, see how you are tomorrow.").

True to her word she dragged me out of my last lecture of the day the next day "it's happening again..." (after no mention of it all day) and straight to A&E, where we stayed for three hours (I opened my birthday cards there), where she was examined (I wasn't in the room, so I don't know for sure if the doctor really did say she had the kidney stone she claimed to have), and she constantly whining "I've ruined your birthday, you should just go..." so in the end I said "Bye, then" and went home to have fun with the friends she'd been trying to prevent me from having a party with. We have wine and pizza and generally have fun till about 11pm, when she returns from the hospital, claiming to have absolutely nothing visibly wrong with her. And the next day, having been in agony yesterday with the most painful thing known to man, is able to stamp about in my kitchen like a spoilt duckling with pigtails when she is unable to make the perfect pancake, yelling "I'm so stupid!" over and over before running off in tears.

What did she get me for my birthday, I hear you cry? A set of admittedly very pretty underwear from La Senza I had mentioned liking in passing, plus as we'd been clothes shopping together a few times she knew my sizes. I pretend to this day they were from my then boyfriend.

Speaking of whom, around this time I met him through QOTW (we're still friends), and made the mistake of telling her (well, she saw me type "I love you" on MSN, I had no choice but to tell her). She spent the whole day calling me a "selfish cow" and how she "liked having a single friend", and how she was going to "go home and play with knives" and "would it kill me to spend some time with her", and all the usual empty threats. For once I argued back and told her it was my business and I would continue to see him for as long as I wanted, not as long as she wanted. This led to endless needling about how "internet relationships aren't real" (she had had one not too long before this, which ended when he "tried to rape her" in some random layby near to the pikey hell she lives in) and comments about "if I find out you're having an evening in with him I'll interrupt you pretending to be upset". She also pretended to be "worried" about me and hoped this would incite me to dump the poor bloke, but I'm pleased to say this failed miserably.

This eventually led to me feeling like I was being constantly watched: as well as doing everything in her power to keep me away from MSN and my emails, so I wouldn't talk to him, and constantly telling me he was "a rapist", she threatened to kill herself when I told her I wanted to cook on my own of an evening and spend time with people who weren't her "I nearly SLIT MY WRISTS LAST NIGHT and you JUST DON'T CARE!", telling me it was "unfair" to see mutual friends without her, and generally behaving like a spoilt brat.

Relieved I was finally seeing the real Brian (for that blatantly is not her name), I finally snapped (this is quite hard to make me do, and is reserved only for people who really, really cross the line). Looking back, it was only because so many others believed me and understood why exactly she was driving me so nuts that I survived it all, although knowing I had support made me a lot more gung-ho about telling her to shut the fuck up when it was needed and finally gave me the backbone to tell her where to stick her clinginess. I repeatedly told her to fuck off and leave me alone, and acted as I do to Stalker Boy, to no avail as she denied all knowledge of her behaviour "Why are you snapping at me? All I'm doing is being friendly..." and would complain to anyone who'd listen that "the girl I thought was my best friend doesn't want to spend time with me, we never do anything together any more" (please note, I'd not even been able to go to the toilet without her coming before this, in case I bitched about her to the toilet roll dispenser).

As a result of this, she uninvited me to her own birthday, as I was "constantly snapping at me, and I don't want you spoiling my day", then seemed to have forgotten about it the next day and reinvited me, then was surprised when I'd made other arrangements. Fortunately, a week later she went home for the holidays and I left Switzerland a week after that. And I have had minimal contact with her since, as it seems that 10 months of ignoring someone is enough for anyone to get the message. She does periodically read b3ta, so if she didn't know before she will now, I think.

Click "I like this" if you think I've had more than my fair share of stalkers.

And length? I had to hear about that, and the girth, and what he did with it, far too many times. It's a wonder I don't like girls.


* Meanwhile, I have to hear all the details of her fucked-up sex life (rape fantasies, anyone?) and how she is simply dying for a full bondage kit to play with. OH GOD THE IMAGES.
** Not to mention regularly hear about how many vibrators she had, and know exactly where she kept them and how often she used them.
( Maladicta, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 21:14, 8 replies)

Ouch
I'm going to have to post my own story at some point.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 31 Jan 2008, 23:05, closed)

Yes.
Yes you are.
( Maladicta, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 23:06, closed)

Pffftttt...
"I nearly SLIT MY WRISTS LAST NIGHT"... so that'll be "I didn't slit my wrists", then. Just like I nearly spontaneously combusted... but didn't.

I did once know someone who publicly announced that he'd had enough and was now going to go to kill himself, and stormed off with a knife. The rest of the group looked stunned for a moment - before running after him, concerned that he wouldn't know how to do it properly.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 9:26, closed)

clicky
You certainly have had a rough time with the old stalking malarky!

Have uber-clicked in sympathy.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 10:20, closed)

I clicked
Because people like this annoy me greatly.
(Pavlov'sDog is all out of pavlova, Sat 2 Feb 2008, 12:29, closed)

Bah, I should have posted this months ago.
It's always a relief to know it's not just me that thinks she's a mentalist... this particular girl is not popular among my friends simply because she is a nutcase.
( Maladicta, Sat 2 Feb 2008, 15:42, closed)

Sweet hot Jesus on a yellow Tuesday, you're as much of a nutter magnet as I am.
Seriously though, you met an actual boyfriend through QOTW? I should start answering these things more often . . .
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 2:11, closed)

Yes, yes I did.
And from him (we're still friends) I met the current Mr Maladicta, who doesn't use b3ta and is quite puzzled by the whole thing.
( Maladicta, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 17:38, closed)