talking out of my arse - literally
It is is a little known fact that many of the additives contained in 1980s Monster Munch were liable to cause genetic mutation, expecially if drunk with Irn Bru. Since I survived on nothing but those staples in my childhood, I have developed a rare and improbable quirk:

I have a second voice box . . . in my rectum.

Now, this does not mean that I am able to speak fluently out of my anus as if it were a mouth because I don't have a tongue there or adequate control of the 'lips', but I do have remarkable control.

For example, I can hum, gargle and manage a variety of musical notes so that a form of singing is easily possible. I can also cough through my arse, but this tends to end up in gusset issues.

It's not something I tell many people about, though it was fun when I was s kid and could entertain friends with my anal japes. Sometimes, if I'm bored, I'll stick a kazoo up there and play renditions of popular music for the delight of my mother. Cheryl Cole's hits seem to be especially suitable, and anything by Justin Bieber.
(Brand name, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:14, 4 replies)

You are Le Petomane AICMFP

(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:22, closed)

I thought
it was Apeloverage when I read second voicebox
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:43, closed)

Are you called Stuart?
I used to know a guy at school (called Stuart) who could fart to order: he could somehow suck air up through his arse and then fart it out in a controlled way, as you describe. When you're a 12 year old boy this is the funniest thing in the world.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 14:50, closed)

When you're a 12 year old boy
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 15:52, closed)