I was told this one by Kitty O'Hara's Dad a while back.

I can't remember if it was him or one of the other lads on the ship but anyway.

Apparently when he was training on the boat, the Captain the called down to the lower deck and whoever it was answered to phone (probably a cup on a piece of string all those years ago!) in a non-courteous manner, the Captain bellowed 'Do you know who this is?' and the junior said 'no' the Captain said 'this is the Captain of this boat you will answer the phone in the correct manner' the junior replied 'do you know who this is?' Capt says 'no' and the junior just hung up.

Made me laugh anyway, he did tell it better though, sorry.
(Kip, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:27, 6 replies)

There are 100
different versions of that one.

Most of them end up with second person saying 'well fuck off then' before hanging up the phone.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:10, closed)

And each one is made so much better when it ends with one of the 100 variations of
"Made me laugh anyway, he did tell it better though, sorry."
(syz, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:24, closed)

Ace!

(Kip, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 17:39, closed)

Spike Milligan's war diaries
which were written in the 70s also claim this story from WWII.

Still a funny story though. Read the war diaries if you get the chance, they're aces.
(posthumous mince is tiptoeing through the tulips, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 18:50, closed)

The one I remember from a very long time ago goes something like this -

Back in the 80's, during the cold war, brit Army units were on constant standby for the unthinkable - a Soviet invasion.

Part of the preparations were Exercise Active Edge - Where complete divisions were called out without notice and had to deploy to secret locations throughout Germany from their Barracks.

This was a real pain in the arse, as you had to have an "Active Edge" kit packed and ready all the time, which included spare boots, spare uniforms etc. yet you caoulndn't get extra kit out of the stores for your own use while the kit was packed and ready. (I even had Kit Checks by Officers with nothing better to do after being "Crashed Out" - talk about Bullshit! I often wondered if they'd do it in the face of the Soviet Army if they had invaded!).

Well, I was in the Royal Corps of Transport and this story is from an RCT unit that was crashed out one night.

The Divisional Commander had ordered a complete radio silence from all the units in his command, and was sat in his command post, surrounded by the radio "Nets" of his units.

All was silent, apart from the odd bit of interference, but after about 4 hours, the lads on the RCT net got bored.........

"Hello, are there any friendly bears out there?" was heard from the RCT Radios. A short pause (Whilst the irritated brigadier was trying to see which one of the radios had dared disobey him)

"I'm a friendly bear, a very friendly bear" came out of the RCT radio, and just as the brigadier had spotted which radio was the offending one "I'm a friendly bear too!" was heard.

Well, the Brigadier was apparently fuming, and got hold of the handset, hands trembling with anger, and shouted that the RCT net was not authorised to break the silence. How dare they disobey his orders, and that he wanted to see all the Officers and radio instructors (Who control the communications of each unit in the field) at his command post a 0600 hours, and basically that they are all in total deep shit etc.! After venting his anger, he threw the handset down on the desk and leaned back in his seat to calm down a little.

Just as he was calming down, the RCT net piped up "Tut, tut, tut, he's not a friendly bear, is he chaps?"
(Benzyl, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 22:30, closed)

Reminds me of:
The crew of a US airliner made a wrong turn during taxi and came nose to nose with another aircraft, the furious ground controller (a female) screamed: "[Callsign] where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta'. Stop right there" Continuing her verbal lashing of the embarrassed crew, she shouted: "You've screwed everything up. It'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that?"
Naturally, the frequency went very quiet until an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Looking up that one, I found this too:

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!"
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, you have never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing... but I didn't stop."
( snee held his breath since, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 14:23, closed)