Some useful advice for if you are sixteen and drunk
1. Don't combine beer, cheap white cask wine (AKA "goon"), cider, goon again, scotch and yet more goon.

2. When you are sitting on a couch in your friend's room and the urge to vomit strikes you so you run out the door, make sure you turn right and go straight into the front garden instead of turning left into a corridor jam-packed with revellers blocking your access to the bathroom somewhere off in the far distance.

3. When the revellers stand there looking at you turning green and ask "You OK?", don't open your mouth to reply "No you fucksticks, I'm about to chunder everywhere."

4. When said chunder starts to erupt from your throat as you open your mouth, don't clamp your hand over your mouth in a vain attempt to stop it as this will instead cause you to spray puke over the crowd like a vomit-filled claymore mine.

5. Make sure that the guy who catches the brunt of the vomblast isn't a student in the class that your dad teaches.

6. Don't believe him when he assures you that he won't say "Oh yeah? Well you know what your son did to me on Friday?" next time your dad tells him off for not paying attention in class.

7. Don't catch the bus of shame home stinking of vomit to the extent that nobody will sit in the same half of the bus as you and several of the passengers come close to puking themselves.

This advice may be based on personal experience.
(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 1:56, Reply)