On my mate's stag night around Leeds
We started out at about 11am. By 9pm, I was truly rat-arsed, especially considering all I had had to eat that day was a bowl of Frosties and some toast. We went into McDonalds, and I had 2 Big Macs. By 2am, I had gone passed being pissed up. How I was still standing was a mystery, for some reason I had to have a drink with me. If I had a drink with me I would drink it. If I finished it, I would go buy another. I then had a rational thought. If I make myself sick, my stomach would be rid of alcohol and I would begin to sober up.

I went outside, found an alley and leant over. Nothing happened, so I poked my fingers down my throat. Still nothing happened. I poked some more, and deeper. Still nothing. I could feel my uvula, that little thing at the back of the throat that triggers the gag reflex. It wasn't working. I was poking away at the back of my throat, flicking it about, poking my tonsils, trying anything. Nothing worked.

My first thought was that this would be a great talent for Mrs SLVA to develop. My second thought was that I needed something in my stomach to act as a catalyst. I ran back into the club, got a pint of cola and necked it as quick as I could. I ordered another, and did the same.
"Are you ok?" asked the barman. "You're not diabetic or something are you?"
"No, I'm trying to make myself sick in order to sober up." I saw the look that meant 'You're a fucking nutter' clambering over his face.

I felt my stomach starting to react. I burped up about 2 cubic yards of gas which took about 12 seconds, and then proceeded to refill the two pint glasses with the cola I had just drunk.
The barman grimaced, and then told me to fuck off when I asked him for a refund.
Another guy at the bar had observed the entire act and bought me another pint of cola. He wanted me to do it again as if it was a trick. I told him that I only do one performance a night and that he should check my website to see where I was next performing.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 13:20, 1 reply)

Click for giggling insanely
due to mental imagery \o/
(harrumph, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 17:29, closed)