The tube, the cone and the vom
After a particular messy night drinking, me and a few friends jumped onto the last tube of the night. Surveying the scene before us the carriage was full to bursting with fellow drunkards. People were singing songs and stomping around, it was your usual suspects on a mission to get home and continue the drinking.

As we headed towards East London the train emptied out a little and a few of us managed to get seats. Sitting around laughing and joking I glanced at a friend and noticed they were staring at a girl sitting opposite me. I turned my head to sneak a peek at the girl and then lost all ability to be subtle and turned fully to face her - she was absolutely wankered. Swaying side to side I was transfixed, I couldn’t stop looking at her. Gradually more and more people were turning to look and we were all stifling giggles, right up until it happened. She looked up, her eyes rolled around in her head and finally came to a stop, looking directly at me. As our eyes met, her stare bore into me, her eyebrows raised quite pathetically and I knew exactly what it meant - vomit was imminent.

I panicked as I was in the immediate line of fire so turned to my friends and conveyed a look which I hope expressed what I was thinking - ‘oh fuck’. No time though as the girl was on the move, she started to point. Everyone stopped, but… what was she pointing at? She was pointing at a man sitting to her right… she was pointing specifically at his newspaper. The man, slightly confused handed over his paper and watched closely as she began to roll the pages of the paper into a rudimentary cone. Realisation of what was about to occur spread through the carriage, people started to shuffle away, some even getting out of their seats to move towards the doors. I pulled up my feet and started to shuffle with everyone else… then she started to splutter… vomit sprang forth in an arching stream straight into the cone, the smell filled the carriage and the cone began filling up.

The atmosphere was tense as we pulled into Mile End… the girl seemed to have stopped vomiting for the moment and seemed to be attempting to stand up… this was clearly her stop. Still holding the paper cone she managed to stagger up from her seat and started to make a move for the doors, I have never seen Londoners move out of someone’s way that fast before. As the doors opened people started to relax and I had to give her credit for managing to keep it all in the cone… well… until she looked down at the paper with a confused expression and then did something that to this day I will never understand. She opened the paper and dropped the vomit contents all over herself and the floor of the train… then she marched off into the night to leave everyone on the tube with her vomit mess. What a class act.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 8 Jan 2010, 17:08, Reply)