Children do the funniest things
The Menorcan holiday had gone well and after two weeks of unseasonably warm June weather me, the missus and our 4 year-old daughter were packed and ready to board the bus back to the airport. Except...

The offspring wasn't feeling well, running a bit of a temperature and refusing all offers of food, with the exception of a drink of warm milk and a bag of cheese and onion crisps.

The airport transfer was uneventful and we arrived nice and early to check in for the flight. The bulging cases were loaded onto the baggage trolley and, to avoid having to drag a bored child around the airport, junior was positioned to sit comfortably on top of the cases. This was our first mistake.

As the queue slowly shuffled forward, the immortal words, "I feel sick" were followed immediately by a stream of projectile vomit that soaked her best floral dress before spilling tsunami-like over the luggage.

Cue frantic searching for wipes, napkins and anything else that could be used to clean the child of the foul-smelling fluid (cheese & onion crisps mixed with milk - lovely).

Of course, I was in trouble, because I'd sealed the cases, with all the clothes in, using cable ties to stop light-fingered baggage handlers rummaging through our things. Assuming that I'd not be opening the cases until we got home, and because airline security wouldn't approve of me carrying a knife, I'd also packed the only items I had that were sharp enough to cut through the ties in the cases. Oops.

Cue frantic search for airport shop and purchase of the only suitable item of clothing: an extortionately priced Looney Tunes t-shirt that was long enough to serve as a dress. In the process of purchasing this, more emesis ensued onto the lovely laminate flooring. Cue typically British no-speaka-de-lingo hand waving and talking loudly to get the shop assistant to find a cleaner. It also prompted the purchase of a second oversized and overpriced t-shirt in case the first fell victim to further spew.

By this time, check-in for our flight had nearly finished, so we dashed to the desk and handed over the reeking suitcases, only to find that because we were so late, there was no way we could all sit together. I bravely volunteered to sit alone so my wife could look after our daughter, who was instructed to look well but sleepy to ensure we didn't get bumped off the flight because they felt she was too ill to travel.

So, I was half a plane away thinking I'd got the better deal, despite being in a middle seat between a couple of Rick Waller's larger cousins. It was only when we'd landed back at Manchester and reunited that I discovered our daughter had slept through the whole flight, had not been sick, and had demonstrated the fastest recovery since Lazarus.

Six years on and the cases still smell a bit when they come out of storage.

Length? About 3 hours with a tailwind.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Fri 8 Jan 2010, 19:08, Reply)