I witness crimes every weekend....
....and I'm always calling the police.

Sodding mini-motorbikes.

I hate them, sorry HATEHATEHATE them.

They're illegal, they're noisy and the people who ride them look like twats.

I saw a grown man riding, what can only be described as a "Beadle-hand Vespa" with a two year old child sitting between his legs round my local park at the weekend. No helmets, but then again, why bother? Darwin Awards anyone?

He decided that being noisy and stupid was just not anti-social enough and so pushed a woman with a buggy off the path to get past.

My dog was agitated, that poor woman was really shaken and all the other people in the park were leaving.

I called the police, and they took him away. I know they probably confiscated the bike, but I really hope they forcibly shoved it up his arse and gave his kid to responsible parents.

I know this doesn't compare to murder and rape, but those things genuinely are uncommon in the scheme of things (in the UK anyway)

Mini-motorbikes turn me into a rabid daily mail type, and I think that's what pisses me off the most.

Sorry, but anyone owning a mini-motorbike is a ignorant, stupid, twattishest twat of the highest order and is the best reason hanging should be brought back.

ARRRRGGGHHH....Daily Mail!

I'm so conflicted
(Jugular, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 13:29, 9 replies)

Me too
I couldn't agree more. I really hate them too ! I don't understand why anyone in his right mind would want to make himself look like such a fucking twat perched on top of one of these stupid looking toy bikes. NB I do love real motor bikes though !
( Ramsay Tupper, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 13:46, closed)

Like you say though
There's an element of Darwinism there. If they're stupid enough to ride them without helmets and with kids, it may act like putting a little chlorine in the gene pool!

With any luck.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 14:00, closed)

Oh yes!
Last summer a very large and beer-gutted individual, definitely old enough to know better, took to zipping up and down our street on one of these - on the pavement.
It mad a sound like a demented wasp.
Oh for a giant-sized flyswatter!
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 14:10, closed)

Took my 2 year old and his Gran to the beach
Somewhere on Deeside. Had a nice toddle/run/fallover, played a bit of footie with his miniature ball. He gets all tired and needs a carry back to the car park...

As we walk across the dune separating bech from carpark, some complete throbber of the first order comes belting along the footpath at the best part of 30 on a mini-quad, with his kid in front of him. Fully airborne at times, sand spraying everywhere, and Gran & Two Year Old diving out of the way, other beach users 'tsk'ing slightly.

Now (although this is t'internet and I could be a 9 stone metrosexual called Tarquin) I am a fairly big bloke. 6'0" and 15 stone shamefully, due to Captain Morgan and Walkers, but I digress. I also sport a No 1, goatee, extremely loud shouty Sergeant-Majory type voice and an accent that defaults to purest Gorbals when I get a little tetchy. Dunno why really, as I come Frae Embra, but good enough description for you Southern Puffs, who seem to find a Jockanese accent threatening at times. Wasn't even painted blue or waving a Claymore while shouting 'Freedom' or anything.

Anyhoo, as I inhaled enough bracing seaside air to inflate an elephant in preparation for the ear-shattering "You braindead fucking twat get that bike stopped now or I'll rip your fucking head off" type comment, I realised that I was in the company of my dear ol' Mum, Junior, and of course Fuckwit's kid.

Hmmm. I settle for a quiet word in his pal's shell-like intimating that things had better be calmed down a smidge or el Ploddo would be informed. And got told to fuck off for my efforts. So, as a law abiding citizen all I can do is obviously record his registration number (top tip kids, a plod-type notebook makes people nervous) and gently remind him that Plod will confiscate and crush the noisy miniature piece of junk (if they could be arsed of course and we all know how likely that would be). And wander off with family going 'tsk tsk'. Knowing that if fucky Mc Fucknuts roll the quad, odds are he'll live, but the kid would be mince.

I think I'm mellowing in my old age. Or have been living down here too long. Or am just scared of my Mum.

Dig a deep pit, chuck the owners of the horrible things in, and top with the crushed remains of their stupid toys.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 14:14, closed)

also known as
scrotorbikes!
(Udidin is chuffed to have made the newsletter, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:15, closed)

I'd comment...
...but then Legless would kill me.
(Musuko, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:46, closed)

Nice one *clicks*
Rape uncommon in the UK though? Bullshit.
(Vorlon, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 18:30, closed)

I used to live in the inner city

and those things really get to me too. The night before me and Mrs Duck moved (to the countryside, only thing we hear at night now is owls)we were rudely awoken. It was about 3am there were 2 of them and they were jousting with long bit's of wood out of a skip the Dawin awards occurred to me too. Feking knuts
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 9:54, closed)

Just had to say
"Beadle-hand Vespa" - I've just laughed my ass off. Agreed about the mini-motos, though.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Sun 17 Feb 2008, 19:47, closed)