If you're going to fuck it up...
...make sure your fuck-up is so big that your superiors have to conceal it lest their careers are besmirched along with yours.

I was once recruited by a company to take on a £125k / 6 month solo project.

On paper I was well-qualified for the role and had the drive and experience to progress the project to completion. On paper...

Meanwhile back in the real world, I just more or less sat there paralysed with stage fright. So terrified of making a bad strategic decision at the outset and being lumbered with a stupid design or faulty plan for the duration of the project, that I made no decisions or plans at all. Truly, the man who makes no mistakes makes nothing!

At the end of six months I'd probably done about two actual week's work and the rest of the time, just fecked around in an aimless, guilty fashion on the interwebs. At home I was losing sleep and stressing like a loon, drinking heavily and driving my partner first nuts and finally away, out of my life.

For some unknown, inexplicable reason it was decided to pump another £25k / 1 month into my project to kind of finish it off nicely, smooth off all the rough edges... At the time it seemed like a plot to drive me to resignation and/or suicide.

And then the project ended and I was moved on to other work, work which was managed by someone other than myself. I started to perform quite well and was a lot happier.

The work I'd done for the solo project was never spoken of again, or if it was, it was talked about in the abstract, in very vague terms and a way was always found so that it was never quite applicable to any current project so, obviously, there'd be no point in digging into the files and resurrecting it for enhancement.

At work I only ever confided in one close workmate - he was as depressed, stressed and unhappy as me, but for other reasons. I told him about this puzzling psuedo-acceptance of what I'd done or rather, not done. He told me about a concept in Japanese culture - I can't remember the word or phrase for it after all this time, but it was a kind of "accepted truth". It might not bear much simliarity to reality, but to the group who shared this vision of how things were, it was the simple, literal truth and strenous efforts would be made to nurture and protect this worldview.
(apologies_for_length, Thu 3 Dec 2009, 23:06, 1 reply)

I sympathise
Been there recently for the second time. A bit smaller as the money was significantly less (ca 3k) and its mostly my own reputation at stake. First time there was no money involved, just my promise for co-editing a journal for a friend and colleague. Next time i'm hiring a manager.
(bovine intervention, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 19:31, closed)