Homemade Lemonade Factory
I was always an inquisitive kid. I was always interested in how things worked. Also, I had a sweet tooth, to the extent that 50% of my diet was refined sugar - not as bad as kids these days but in the 1980s pretty significant. On one occasion, I took these two attributes and combined them to very spectacular effect.

My mum hadn't been well one day, and it was the middle of the summer holidays, so I played the role of dutiful son and fetched and carried for her (even though I must have only been about 6 - looking back she was a bit of a slave driver!). However at one point she'd managed to get up and make herself a drink.

I witnessed the whole process myself - she filled a glass with water - got something out of The Cupboard That I Was Not Allowed To Go Into - opened the packet, put two tablets in the water and hey presto - LEMONADE was formed.

I'd heard about Jesus turning water into wine but sod that, here's my mum creating fizzy, sweet goodness from the council's own H20.

Because this wonderment came from the The Cupboard That I Was Not Allowed To Go Into, and being a clever little git, I waited until my mum returned to bed so I could perform the miracle myself.

Off she trotted, I left it a good 15 minutes so she'd be settled, and put my plan into action. My little brother was put on lookout duty - I think I promised him a Wham! bar or something - and I readied myself for miracle ahead.

Go myself a cup, filled it with water, opened The Cupboard That I Was Not Allowed To Go Into and got the red packet. Neglected to notice that the packet was clearly emblazoned with the words 'Soluble Co-codamol' - dropped two into the water and watched the miracle occur.

The first batch tasted off, so I had another go. Which wasn't right either - however I was getting used to the taste so had another go, just to make sure.

It was at that point that my mum, hearing what was going on downstairs screamed 'what the bloody hell are you doing???'. To which I replied

'Making magic lemonade, mummy.'

The next time I saw the magic lemonade was as I was having my stomach being pumped in the Children's Hospital in Sheffield.

I guess it was that first experience with fizzy liquids that give you a headache and make you want to vom that led me to enjoy booze so much. And every time I'm on the great white telephone to God, the 'magic lemonade' miracle comes flooding back to me...
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 5 Dec 2009, 7:37, 2 replies)

eh?
Why are you a dutiful son at the start and a clever little girl later on?

Is this some kind of "thing"?
(theduffman, Sat 5 Dec 2009, 7:51, closed)

Unless there's been a swift ninja
the word is "git"

You may need your eyesight checking. I recommend a course of not constantly wanking like a safari park chimp ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Sat 5 Dec 2009, 9:47, closed)