Worst record. Ever.
I've got three. Indulge me.

First off, that inexplicably popular piece of pomp-shite, Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. Thanks for wasting over six minutes of my life: who gives a toss whether Scaramouche ends up doing a fandango anyway? If, as F. Mercury insists on blubbering, "nothing really matters", why go to all that bloody multi-tracked faff and bother? Jeeze. Frank Sidebottom's cover version took at least 4 1/2 minutes off the original and improved it by several hundred percent. 100% FACT.

The Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler. Whose idea was it to record that mawk-fest? OWN UP! There are so many reasons why I hate this (not least because when I get angry about this record someone always knows someone else who had this record at their funeral), but I shall restrict my criticism to the rising glissando (ooh, get me!) that the Divine Miss M sings towards the end. Nails down a blackboard: need I say more?

Still no idea what a "rising glissando" is? Play the record. You'll find out. (Shudders)

Lastly: Spinning Wheel by Mel and Dave. This is a genuinely bad record (although the instrumental version is a classic).

The crimes?
Too much cowbell. Yes; it's true. You can have too much cowbell.
Mel's hilarious breathy and off-key over-emoting.
Dave's frankly odd melisma (Oooh, get me! pt II).
The frightening harmonies that, at times, chill the blood.

Oddly, this was produced by Lee "Scratch" Perry, who is a genius. There's a fine line, I suppose.

I'm done.
( sp3ccylad carries on breathing all the way up to, say, Wed 3 Dec 2003, 19:37, Reply)