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» Personal Hygiene

Student teim
Being in my 3rd year of uni, I've lived with a fair few scummers. Oddly in some cases personal hygene was immaculate, it was just everything else that got shitted up.

Year 1: Lived in halls with 11 other people who never did a days washing up in their life. Once left a whole crate full of washing up to rot over easter. I bagged it up and hid it so we wouldn't get fined. When we came back they had a go at me for messing their mould up and carried on using it. Unwashed
I thank mighty zeus we had individual showers

Year 2: More washing up. Also any stain was left unwashed on the floor, including post pub vomit. At one point we ran out of bog roll. I witnessed one of them take a one hour dump and emerge casually later having wiped his arse on god knows what. Probably the floor

Year 3: Oh shuddering fuck Im living with bigfoot. Lets call him jon, for that is his name. He fills every available space in every room with hair from ALL parts of his anatomy. His room smells like a 4 week old sock that a 5 week old zombie has been wearing. The smell almost pushed me down the stairs once, honest to god. We measured it, it's got a 3m radius! I've even heard rumours he only showers when he goes home, and he dont go home too often.
Mice in the loft (now dead, much to the distress of everyone else. Im now worse than hitler)Kitchen floor thick with god knows what. MORE washing up (mostly sasquatches) sitting in a sink full of water waiting to disolve or something. Things have actually started decomposing in the fridge and the washing machine smells like a penis. All this from a house of 5. And ones a girl. Weep for her soul for she is forsaken

Still, could be worse

Scuse the length, the moulds built up a bit on it

edit: forgot my other housemate who threw up a bottle of port at the top of the stairs and went to bed. Our blue carpet is now purple
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 14:36, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

we have a ghost in our house
Seems someone decided to top themselves in what is now my sisters room. Was mainly mundane things like when my wee niece came round every single picture in the house would go crooked.
one day however i was walking over to the garage when all of a sudden a toilet roll shot off the top of the dryer and hit me in the back of the head. My day had been a bit poop so an outcry of "FUCK OFF YOU PISSANT" was to be expected. oddly im now the only member of my family who doesnt have these spiritual encounters
(Tue 25th Apr 2006, 1:51, More)

» Airport Stories

heres one
a few years back i was still quite into warhammer and decided, quite innocently enough, to bring all my stuff along for a nice painting session in spain. oh dear.
so off through the xray machine my briefcase of painting and modelling gear goes. and what shows up on the xray machine? several dozen suspicious looking tubs, wires, clippers and modelling putty which unfortunatly comes in 2 coloured plastique style strips. oh what fun
(Sun 5th Mar 2006, 23:30, More)

» Insults

At the Asda near my uni
I heard a young boy of about 5 cheerfully tell his mum to "go fuck a doughnut".
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 17:07, More)

» Fire!

sausages of death
bought some asda mega quality sausages once. Name should've been a giveaway to to imminent doom but I remained faithful and stuck them under the grill. A few minutes later it starts spitting fat upwards. As this hits the top of the grill it makes a luvly blue flamey effect. I watched on, in awe of this remarkable light show my quality brand sausages were putting on. A few seconds later there was a mass eruption of fat and a fireball blasted its way out into my face. Luckily i was unscathed and got a great view of 5ft flames pouring out the front of the oven.
Sausages tasted pretty good too
(Sat 5th Nov 2005, 1:18, More)
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