» Being told off as an adult

Supermarket Trolleys
I'll never stop jumping on the back and gliding - I don't care how old I am (36).

Fuck em and their law.
(Sun 23rd Sep 2007, 0:09, More)

» Family Holidays

Great family holidays
Ole Man was poor sometimes and quite well off at others - so we would either go somewhere inexpensive, or somewhere quite luxurious.

One year we had a tent on the Isle of Wight.

Things looking pretty bleak day one until I bump into my best mate - who lives over the road from me way back home - what a great result! Ole Man well pissed off as they are staying in a chalet and we are stuck in the tent. Oh how I laughed when my mates parents walked over to our 'tent' to say hello and my Dad squirmed like fuck.

Another cracker was when my parents took my sister and me to France to stay in a lovely cottage with some family friends with children of similar ages.

Both my sister and I were asthmatic (she still is) and I suffer from quite bad hay fever - so picking a cottage surrounded by hay fields was great planning by the ole man.

Of course much wheezing and eye watering occurred and I must admit I felt slightly under the weather and wasn't really up for much. Cue ole Man grabbing me by the scruff of the neck one day (I was 8) and smashing me into the wall and ceiling screaming that he wished I was dead and that I had ruined his holiday (all whilst crying!).

It didn't pick up much for me after that - and that particular moment has stayed with me since (sob).

Now I have kids of my own, and I can vaguely understand that having a sickly child on holiday can be a tad irritating - but my daughter is asthmatic and I would certainly do my best to avoid a fucking field full of hay!

Still - look on the bright side - he is currently dying from Emphysema and when we are to be shortly gathered round his death bed I will remind him about that particular family holiday - call him a cunt - and wish him merely on his way to hell.



Length? About 3 weeks per the latest doctors diagnosis
(Thu 2nd Aug 2007, 21:57, More)

» Terrible Parenting

obligatory fight with father story
My life isn’t purely violence related – it just seems that each QOTW seems to remind me of a violence related story…..

Firstly I’ll let you know I am a father myself: 13 yrs (step) and 5 yrs (mine – all mine)

Ok – weekend before my O-levels – I am that old. Rather than prepare the household for what was at that time the most important time in my life my father – great Dad that he was/is decided to invite some friends up to stay.

Now I was a surly teenager and talking wasn’t a great attribute of mine at that time anyway – however – my father took exception to the fact that I hadn’t said much at Sunday lunch – this being the Sunday lunch down the pub he made me stop revising for – i.e. the day before my exams. When we got home he was in the kitchen (for the first time ever) and as I was walking to the toilet – a distance of about 20 metres – our eyes locked.

I saw him move towards me at quite a rate and so I hid behind the toilet wall and when he poked his skinny fucking face out I punched him full force in the jaw. Knocked the cunt right down – happy as Larry.

Then it kicked off – massive scarp upstairs – in which my father broke two of my ribs and bruised inner organs (although just kidney’s and that so no big deal) friends left (guy was a copper as well which was quite apt).

Anyway – did the exams and passed ok.

Got my own back almost exactly to the day two years later – He started on my sister and I challenged him proper for the first time since 2 years before – I butted his nose and broke it and then knocked him spark out with one punch to the chin – fucking pussy.


Length? – I hit my 7 iron 125 yards today – in a straight line!
(Sat 18th Aug 2007, 2:43, More)

» Pet Stories

Cats etc. etc.
My neighbours have a great cat - it does wonderful tricks - its shites in my vegatable patch - its shites on my decking and it shites on my patio.

I had a couple of beers tonight and whilst making my (tuna) sandwiches for the morrow I spied the ickle cutie in the middle of my garden - opening the back door - I coo'od him in - the smell of tuna no doubt helping - whilst under the cover of my shed - I gripped the cunt by its collar and smashed its head in with one of the house bricks we keep for no apparent reason next to the back gate.

It made no sound as I stove its fucking head in and was quite dead as I threw the fucker back over the fencing.

I write this with parts of brick dust and blood visable in my fingernails.

I'd also like to say that I didn't just kill the cat so I had a story to post - the fucker had it coming anyway - this just brought it forward a tad.
(Thu 14th Jun 2007, 0:33, More)

» Barred

Banned etc
Twas Christmas time, Norwich was the place, myself and (younger) work collegues were out on a general xmas piss up. I had on a red santa hat and service at the bar was slow. I mentioned to the guy next to me that it would be quicker to serve ourselves and so he dared me to. Being fair game I reached round - put my glass on the tray and tipped the tap forward ever so slightly - a thimble full of cider dripped into my glass. Oh how me and my new friend laughed, in about 5 seconds 4 bouncers and the landlord appeared one grabbed me by the collar and picking me up on to my tippy toes half walked and half carried me to the fire exit where he opened the door with my head and threw me down the iron stairs - said I was banned for life called me a cunt and threw my santa hat into the nearby skip. I love Norwich

Oh and another - got the shite kicked out of me in a pub toilet for grabbing some birds arse - whose bloke just happend to be standing right next to her. He gave me an almightly kicking, breaking my nose and leaving me in a right mess. Trying to clean myself up by the sink the bouncer comes storming in grabs me by me collar and picking me up on to my tippy toes half walks, half carried me to the exit where he throws me onto the street and says I'm banned for life - I roll into the road.

Last one - Smashed a newcastle brown bottle over some guys head in a club in Wales - banned for a night.
(Mon 4th Sep 2006, 21:43, More)