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» Dumb things you've done
easily distracted idiot
A while ago, while still living with my parents, I got out of the bath, toweled up and strolled to my room. While wandering around looking for Y's, socks etc and toweling myself dry I happened upon a bottle of lighter fluid I'd been meaning to look for. I'd bought a huge Zippo for a laugh (I dont even smoke) and as usual its fluid had all evaporated through being left unused for weeks. Being a guy and easily distracted by gadgets, I decided to fill it up there and then. In the buff.
Anyway, I filled that huge sucker to the brim, put it back together and sparked it up. WHOOMF! The entirety of the mega-zippo and my hand are engulfed in bright blue flames, and like a screaming girly I dropped the bloody thing like the hot potato it had become. Right in my lap. WHOOOOMF! My undercarriage and towel go up like a flare. Alternately cursing and screaming I proceed to leap around my bedroom, smacking myself about in an attempt to put out the fires with equally petrol-sodden hands and only succeed in spreading the disaster.
All that would have been bad enough, had not the screams and commotion immediately alerted my Mum and Aunt who were downstairs at the time having a fag. They rushed up to help and burst in to the room, only to be met with the picture of a young man beating his flaming undercarriage while leaping in the air cursing and screaming at the top of his lungs. Try living that down at the family party every New Year.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 19:29, More)
easily distracted idiot
A while ago, while still living with my parents, I got out of the bath, toweled up and strolled to my room. While wandering around looking for Y's, socks etc and toweling myself dry I happened upon a bottle of lighter fluid I'd been meaning to look for. I'd bought a huge Zippo for a laugh (I dont even smoke) and as usual its fluid had all evaporated through being left unused for weeks. Being a guy and easily distracted by gadgets, I decided to fill it up there and then. In the buff.
Anyway, I filled that huge sucker to the brim, put it back together and sparked it up. WHOOMF! The entirety of the mega-zippo and my hand are engulfed in bright blue flames, and like a screaming girly I dropped the bloody thing like the hot potato it had become. Right in my lap. WHOOOOMF! My undercarriage and towel go up like a flare. Alternately cursing and screaming I proceed to leap around my bedroom, smacking myself about in an attempt to put out the fires with equally petrol-sodden hands and only succeed in spreading the disaster.
All that would have been bad enough, had not the screams and commotion immediately alerted my Mum and Aunt who were downstairs at the time having a fag. They rushed up to help and burst in to the room, only to be met with the picture of a young man beating his flaming undercarriage while leaping in the air cursing and screaming at the top of his lungs. Try living that down at the family party every New Year.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 19:29, More)
» Hotel Splendido
School trip mayhem
It wasn't so much the hotel as the location. We'd gone to northern France with the school history dept to look at WWI battlefields (empty fields and graveyards, basically) and were based in a crappy town outside Paris.
The first night there were gangs of Algerian youths chasing the girls in the party and doing all sorts of nonsense to try and attract their attention at 3 in the bloody morning. We were made to swap rooms with the ladies and the next night the Algerians got bottled from the balcony and ran off.
A few minutes later, as we sat outside admiring our handywork, a fire engine drew up in the square outside and someone got out and ran away. We sat looking at it for a few minutes, sitting there quietly with it's lights swirling away, and realised it'd actually been nicked. We settled down on a park bench to see what would happen next.
An hour or so later we here sirens in the distance and assume the local plod are coming to check out the stolen appliance. Not so, for they scream round the corner in classic Black Marias and proceed to pile into the hotel next to ours and begin dragging out dozens of Prossies and men in their underwear. It was a brothel, which explained why there were Ho's on every street corner in the place, and they were raiding it in clasic Pink Panther style.
Once all the patrons from the rub-a-tug shop were safely away in the back of the vans they screamed off into the night, leaving us all cheering and laughing, while the fire engine sat there flattening its battery with its lights getting slower. Later that night a passing riotous mob of Algerians brought the police back in force, and this time they took the engine with them.
Next morning our teachers told us to pack our stuff, we were moving from our 2-star hovel to a 4-star Parisian hotel because we were "double booked". Yeah, right. It was definitely an improvement, and definitely the most educational trip I ever went on.
(Thu 17th Jan 2008, 23:31, More)
School trip mayhem
It wasn't so much the hotel as the location. We'd gone to northern France with the school history dept to look at WWI battlefields (empty fields and graveyards, basically) and were based in a crappy town outside Paris.
The first night there were gangs of Algerian youths chasing the girls in the party and doing all sorts of nonsense to try and attract their attention at 3 in the bloody morning. We were made to swap rooms with the ladies and the next night the Algerians got bottled from the balcony and ran off.
A few minutes later, as we sat outside admiring our handywork, a fire engine drew up in the square outside and someone got out and ran away. We sat looking at it for a few minutes, sitting there quietly with it's lights swirling away, and realised it'd actually been nicked. We settled down on a park bench to see what would happen next.
An hour or so later we here sirens in the distance and assume the local plod are coming to check out the stolen appliance. Not so, for they scream round the corner in classic Black Marias and proceed to pile into the hotel next to ours and begin dragging out dozens of Prossies and men in their underwear. It was a brothel, which explained why there were Ho's on every street corner in the place, and they were raiding it in clasic Pink Panther style.
Once all the patrons from the rub-a-tug shop were safely away in the back of the vans they screamed off into the night, leaving us all cheering and laughing, while the fire engine sat there flattening its battery with its lights getting slower. Later that night a passing riotous mob of Algerians brought the police back in force, and this time they took the engine with them.
Next morning our teachers told us to pack our stuff, we were moving from our 2-star hovel to a 4-star Parisian hotel because we were "double booked". Yeah, right. It was definitely an improvement, and definitely the most educational trip I ever went on.
(Thu 17th Jan 2008, 23:31, More)
» Dumb things you've done
Thomas the Twonk Engine
Aged 10 I was given a train-set by an elderly neighbour as a gift. More used to the speeds seen in Scalextric, I was a bit disappointed by the much more sedate Hornby layout. Figuring that 240v must be much better than 12v, I decided the way to spice things up was to directly wire the rails to the mains.
While putting my plan into practice I realised that my hyper-train would probably fly off the rails with its great speed, so I assembled the track into as straight a line as I could for the initial speed test. My one, very real, fear was that the train might make a hole in the far wall with it's enormous speed.
The track was duly set up, wired directly to the mains and a cushion placed at the far end of the track. All was ready! I flipped the power on at the mains plug and watched in amazement as my train went absolutely nowhere at high speed. Not a millimetre!
As I studied the train closely to see what was wrong I realised there was a rather odd burning smell, and before my eyes the train proceeded to melt, before making a helluva bang that put me on my arse. Not knowing the difference between AC and DC I'd managed to weld a rather rare Hornby train and track together forever, and got a right smack up the head from my dad for it. On the bright side, I didn't touch the rails and am still here to tell the tale.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 19:42, More)
Thomas the Twonk Engine
Aged 10 I was given a train-set by an elderly neighbour as a gift. More used to the speeds seen in Scalextric, I was a bit disappointed by the much more sedate Hornby layout. Figuring that 240v must be much better than 12v, I decided the way to spice things up was to directly wire the rails to the mains.
While putting my plan into practice I realised that my hyper-train would probably fly off the rails with its great speed, so I assembled the track into as straight a line as I could for the initial speed test. My one, very real, fear was that the train might make a hole in the far wall with it's enormous speed.
The track was duly set up, wired directly to the mains and a cushion placed at the far end of the track. All was ready! I flipped the power on at the mains plug and watched in amazement as my train went absolutely nowhere at high speed. Not a millimetre!
As I studied the train closely to see what was wrong I realised there was a rather odd burning smell, and before my eyes the train proceeded to melt, before making a helluva bang that put me on my arse. Not knowing the difference between AC and DC I'd managed to weld a rather rare Hornby train and track together forever, and got a right smack up the head from my dad for it. On the bright side, I didn't touch the rails and am still here to tell the tale.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 19:42, More)