And now it?s time for the continuing non-eventures of DISAPPOINTMENT OSTRICH

cheers Mr. MagicDonkey
(Tue 20th Jul 2004, 19:07, More)

There's always one ingredient you can't get in the supermarket

(Sun 9th May 2004, 0:58, More)

Mr T Versus Cancer

cheers gibbon for animating it
(Fri 5th Sep 2003, 9:22, More)

isn't this competition all about subtle T this week?

my gallery ooh thank you magic donkey
(Fri 22nd Aug 2003, 9:12, More)

Young Alanis tried to hide her disapointment

(Wed 6th Aug 2003, 9:01, More)

They'd have gotten away with it if too

it wasn't for rex's imaginitive disguise
(Tue 22nd Apr 2003, 17:21, More)

poor old dave all he wanted was a slow dance with a bigtrack

(Mon 17th Feb 2003, 22:10, More)

THIS HAS ALMOST CERTAINLY BEEN DONE

(Fri 24th Jan 2003, 1:05, More)

Drink driving laws don't only apply to cars you know
inspired by a lovely scene I thought I'd ruin
(Tue 5th Nov 2002, 20:39, More)

when maggie failed her grade 8 piano, she was forced to join the evil freek circus

(Tue 29th Oct 2002, 22:43, More)

Uptown Joe's dog maggie failed her grade 8 practical
because she simply couldn't reach middle C without assistance
(Tue 29th Oct 2002, 19:20, More)

It's a ukelady bird

(Wed 23rd Oct 2002, 23:27, More)

This has probably been done before

(Mon 14th Oct 2002, 11:55, More)

When Powerpoint Failed

Geoffs imaginative use of fuzzifelt earnt him a place on the board of directors
(Thu 10th Oct 2002, 12:01, More)

BIT RUSHED WORK AND ALL

(Tue 16th Jul 2002, 10:57, More)

Lets test my new brinkster account

(Mon 17th Jun 2002, 14:48, More)

A BIT RUSHED COZ i'M AT WORK

(Wed 29th May 2002, 14:16, More)

B3TA COSTS LIVES
it was funnier in my head
(Tue 28th May 2002, 8:18, More)

HAS THIS BEEN DONE?

(Wed 8th May 2002, 1:04, More)

B"£$^%^

(Wed 1st May 2002, 9:08, More)

» Breakin' The Law

I got to utter the ultimate line
One summer solstice I was walking back from a pub to where I lived in Basingstoke. Basingstoke has rightfully gained the title "Donut City" because of it's vast array of roundabouts, some of which have been decorated by large sculptures.

My personal favourite is the Stone Henge esque WADE ROAD ROUNDABOUT which has several standing stones on it.

At the point I reached the roundabout I spotted some pals of mine sacrificing a doll on the smallest standing stone dressed as druids, they were doing a near theatrical wickerman-esque performance to passing cars.

For some bizarre reason instead of approaching the men in the druidic robes a police car pulled up besides me and enquired "Are you anything to do with this disturbance?"

Without sensible hesitation I uttered the line "Stop, move along, these are not the druids you're looking for"

Surprisingly they just ignored my comments and decided to drive off. I'm Not quite sure what they wanted from me but I'm glad they stopped me.
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 19:03, More)

» Job Interviews

Some "Crrrrazy look at me I'm crrrrazy" American asked me to tell a joke at the end of an interview
I started scanning my mind for the most harmless joke.

I keapt hearing this voice in my head saying "What do you get when you stick a knife in a baby?". Panic began to set in, I'd been making "um er noises for quite a while"

"Why did the girl fall off of the swing?" said the voice again.

"What's the best this about fucking twentyeight year olds?"

"What's worse than a barrel of dead babies?"

"JUST FUCK THE CUNT SAY THE FUCKING BABY JOKE"

eventually I settled for "I'm sorry but I think that jokes should be made on a speradic basis rather than memorised."

I think they got the wrong impression of me, but it was probably for the best

The answers to the above jokes are:
1)An erection
2)Because she didn't have any arms
3)There are twenty of them
4)The one at the bottom trying to eat his way out
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 22:21, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

The buttons.. They need to be red
"Can You come up stairs please thank you" - MD

"Yes no problem" - Me

"HAVE YOU NOT BEEN CHECKING WHAT PRODUCTS ARE GOING OUT OF PRODUCTION?" - MD

"erm no, we have over 200 products and I'm a programmer" - Me

"SO YOU DON'T THINK IT's IMPORTANT?" - MD

"well yes that's why I created this tool for R and D to update it all" - Me

"DID YOU NOT THINK TO CHECK WHAT THEY WERE DOING EVERY DAY?"- MD

"No, not really" - Me

"This reminds me of the first natives of South Africa, when they first saw a radio they opened it up to see where the little people were....HAHAHAHA" - MD

"HAHAHAha" - Me

"HAHAHAha" - R and D manager

MD walks off

"Did you understand that reference?" - Me

"No not a word of it" - R and D manager

--------------------------------------------

"people will only buy from us if our buttons and prices are red" - MD my company

--------------------------------------------

"Can we do e-commerce?" - Sales Director

"I've built a fair few e-commerce sites, what does you're e-commerce site need to do?" - Me

"Just can we or can't we? no questions" - Sales Director

It turned out he didn't actually want e-commerce at all

--------------------------------------------

"Hello, I was phoning because my PC is asking whether I want to save the copy of my clipboard every time I try and close Word." - Financial Director

"Would you like to copy the files into a different program" - Me

"What do you mean?" - FD

"When you copied some image or something to your clipboard it retained it until the program was closed and then prompted you to see if you still required the file to copy into another application. Just click no." - Me

"But I don't want that message" - FD

"erm, I can't really do much about that" - Me

"Oh for God's sake, you IT types can't sort anything out. I get these kind of message pop up every day and you always tell me you can't do anything" - FD

--------------------------------------------

"you shouldn't have to scroll down the page people don't scroll down web pages" - Marketing Manager

"but we don't know how many products you are going to put on this page" - Me

"well then just make it stretch" - Marketing Manager /laughs at me in a patronising way

--------------------------------------------

"We need to change our corporate presence it's really out of date. so we need to redesign the website" - Marketing

"I designed that content management component last month, why don't you use that" - Me

"We couldn't find anything out about the company every week, or work out what's going on" - Marketing

"What do you want there instead?" - Me

"Make something up" - Marketing

--------------------------------------------

"So I can use the serial of the product as the name of the page?" - Me

"Yes that'd be fine" - Government type

LATER

"what's this serial field doing here? we won't know what the serial numbers are until project's complete" - Government type

--------------------------------------------
(Mon 29th Dec 2003, 15:06, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

what do you get when you stick a knife in a baby
an erection
(Wed 1st Feb 2006, 22:13, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Ian Huntley and a kid are holding hands walking through the woods
The kid says "It's dark, I'm scared"
Ian says "shut up"
The kid says "It's really dark and I can hear scary noises"
Ian says "please shut up"
The kid says "I don't like it in these woods it's scary"
Ian says "You think you're scared, I've got to walk back on my own"
(Wed 1st Feb 2006, 22:22, More)