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# I accept your challenge of a bake off.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:21, archived)
# the rules:
time machines are allowed to be used, but only for the first competitor to enact such a device.

we're talking cosmic time here, not greenwich mean.
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:22, archived)
# Are you talking reletavistic time as well?
Lets say I force you into a machine that travels approximately the speed of light, so that time dilates, and you think that you have been gone for an hour, but in my time you have been gone for about a month, hence giving me more time to perfect my brownie?
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:25, archived)
# technically i was the first to use the time machine
so the official bakery starting time would reset to whenever i consciously reached my new present


so you'd have a good amount of time to prepare, but we'd still have to start at the same time

excluding, of course, the possibility that where we're going we won't need roads.
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:28, archived)
# Hmm. How were you technically the first person to use it?
You may have been the first person to ride it, but I pressed launch and therefore used it

and TECHNICALLY it's not a time machine, it's just a device to warp the perspective of time.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:29, archived)
# a "time machine"
is any machine that has anything to do with time:

an am/fm clock radio, a coffee maker with an automatic start feature, a toaster oven with a count-down crank timer, et cetera.

since i was the first person to experience the machine's effects, according to ancient time machine lore from the future, i was the first to use it.
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:32, archived)
# Ok, so what if I make you travel AT the speed of light, therefore making time not exist for you
therefore it is not a time machine. I can then contain you in an environment with no time, while I take as much time as I need with my recipie as I need.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:34, archived)
# while i'm in this timeless environment
will my body still feel the requirements of the passage of time? will i need to use the bathroom? will i need to consume food? does this time-free zone have a full kitchen or just a microwave?

a crock-pot?

are ramen noodles able to be softened, or do i have to eat microwave burritos? do breakfast burritos count as burritos? is it the ingredients that make a burrito or is it the tortilla wrapping?
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:37, archived)
# This isn't true, time still passes at the speed of light, it's just that if you had some really extreme zoom function,
the light that reaches your eyes would be the same light as when you started travelling at the speed of light.

So if you flew backwards from the planet and could somehow keep staring at the same spot, everything would appear completely still.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:38, archived)
# what if i were on top of some very tall building,
would i be able to see my house from there, or would "the people all look like ants from way up here"?
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:40, archived)
# The question really is
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SNIPER RIFLE?
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:47, archived)
# You're wrong.
Einsteins equation = SQRT(1-V/C)

V/C at the speed of light =1, 1-1 is 0, square root of this is infinity.

1/ SQRT(1-V/C) = time dilation

1/0 is infinity, therefore time does not exist.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:42, archived)
# What the fuck is a light year then?
If time doesn't exist at the speed of light, then light wouldn't take time to travel anywhere. It would reach its destination instantly.

It takes 8 minutes for the light from the sun to reach us. WHAT IS WITH THAT, EINSTEIN?
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:47, archived)
# It's called relativity. A light year is a distance, not a time, about 9.7x10 to the 15 metres, or 1/3 of a parsec.
and it's from the perspective of the photon that time doesn't exist. In other words, relative to the photon, time doesn't exist, but to US, the photon experiences time.

As far as a photon is concerned, it is both at the place it was emitted, and in our eyes at the same time.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:49, archived)
# *skulls a beer*
You're talking shit. Light isn't timeless, it just travels really, really fast. Faster than the human eye could process.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:55, archived)
# I'm telling the truth. It is a fundemental truth which has been proved.
Just accept this ( I am a physics student ) and move on.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:57, archived)
# IT IS JUST A THEORY. I AM SMARTER THAN EINSTEIN, LISTEN TO ME.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 7:00, archived)
# It has been "proved".
Through countless bits of research
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 7:00, archived)
# i heard that scientific research
proved research to be completely unusable, and in fact, to yield results which are precisely the up-side-down versions of the actual truth.

for instance.


did you know, that research has proven that swingsets actually only swing when they are being viewed by someone who is being suspended up-side down above a mostly grassy field with some bare spots of dirt and one small irregularly shaped patch of mud, around which two hundred and fifteen third graders run, for fifteen minutes every other half hour, on monday through friday, but only when two as-yet undiscovered stars are not perfectly in line with minnesota and someone in a south-eastern country taking a hearty gulp from a sparkling red can of coca cola?
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 7:09, archived)
# I take it you haven't studied quantum mechanics?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loop_quantum_gravity
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 7:11, archived)
# I have, just remember that nothing in physics is really universally accepted.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 7:16, archived)
# I guess we're arguing the same point then.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 7:22, archived)
# i heard somebody saying
that the only reason everyone thinks light is so cool is that it pays the big kid five gold pieces a day to beat up anyone who says otherwise.
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:57, archived)
# i'll make your brownies beg for the sweet release of death when i whip out my ginger cookies.
they're good.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:28, archived)
# I only know how to make cakes.
and they are legendary.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:30, archived)
# turnip cakes would inspire legends, i would think.
LEGENDARY GAS EMISSIONS!
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:33, archived)
# i've heard the tales
faint whisperings in the dark of night, when it was thought to be safe, when no one was supposed to be hearing, but i never suspected that you were the one, whose cake-making craft was known to all creatures from sunny realms to the dark hollows of the world.
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:34, archived)
# Arf!
www.b3ta.com/board/6722932
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:40, archived)
# this gives no answers

picture this

you're flying, somehow, through the cosmos, propelled by some extra extraordinary thought or something, or some spectacularly delicious dinner, and you reach some point at which gravity precisely cancels itself out, at which light becomes darkness, at which tin cans open themselves with no sharp edges, at which the weight of the knife does the cutting and the pasta is cooked perfectly- every time. and you are greeted through some simple but universal hand signal by a being of incomprehensible wisdom and knowledge, and this cat has got THREE fuckin eyes, and he looks at you and says, "what?"

are you telling me that a freeze frame with credits rolling over it or a conveniently placed laugh-track is going to instantly, miraculously place you back where you'd always wished to be and fulfilled your wishes for some pork lo mein? or maybe chicken, on the outside chance that pigs went extinct since you got in your car?

the lo mein at some places is better than at others.

what do you do then?

what do the unlucky few do when their lo mein isn't as good as they remember the lo mein being the last time they got it, wherever that was. where was that linda? were we at your sister's house that weekend? was that the time? and all your little cousins came with us? god, those little motherfuckers with their portable gaming devices and their constantly beeping hand-held count-down timers.
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:47, archived)
# I INSIST YOU BLOG ABOUT THIS, AND OTHER IMPORTANT MATTERS.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:51, archived)
# holy shit, blog
i forgot all about that.

that's a long by-gone age, sad to say.

i keep a blog inside my head. it gets erased every one one-thousandth of a second, but i think somebody's reading that shit.
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 6:56, archived)
# It's on tv in Australia.
Channel 10, Wednesdays at 9:30pm
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 7:01, archived)
# hahaha
tune in right now and view in real-pre-recorded time my thoughts on smoking a cigarette outside in the cold.
(schnurricane, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 7:16, archived)