I mocked a shit story on QOTW
As a result I've received several hilarious gaz messages from serious QOTW'ers. I feel guilty that I should really be putting my time to better use.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:59, 120 replies)

post the gazzes
so we can all enjoy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:16, closed)

I saw all your controversy this morning
You are being christened the new Bert. I don't know if that's good or not but at least you got a reaction eh.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:26, closed)

FWIW I thought your initial analysis was spot on,
but AmorousBadger is probably the one best permitted to be that harsh that quickly - he's very good at it.

(Please please get rid of the "under construction" - there really is no point ever having those two words together on the Internet.)
( sanityclause is waiting until, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:45, closed)

meh
I've shat better flamewars than what you tried (too hard) to do.
A somewhat watery and contrived effort,lacking in flair - an obvious cry for attention. D+
(St Sepulchre's Belle tolled for thee on, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:47, closed)

Hahaha!
Flamewar reviews. I like it.
Spot on, too.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:50, closed)

haha
this reminds me of when some loser posted that he couldnt get it up so he grabbed a dildo and used that instead. He got absolutely no gazzes for that at all, not for weeks on end at all.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:53, closed)

I'd like to see a link to this.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:18, closed)

You don't have an icon
You've posted one story of your own (this one)
It's shit

I think it's safe to say that your posts, your opinion and ultimately, you, can be safely ignored without missing anything of value whatsoever.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:56, closed)

*Brown-nosing mode engaged*
Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:59, closed)

good gravy
it's attitudes like this that make me not want to donate or contribute to this site at all.
I hate to chime in, but what is about this place that turns certain people into such self-important arseholes, who actually think that their posts are worthy of any credit whatsoever?
Or are you like this offline too?
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:18, closed)

God no.
I'm just bored mate.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:22, closed)

Get a cat/have a wank
WANK-CAT
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:23, closed)

I'm in work, sat next to someone who is allergic to cats.
Fucked on both counts.

/Edit

And I was quoting Homer Simpson.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:25, closed)

Now, come along.
I'm sure you meant that ironically, but some of the younger children here might think you're being serious when you, er ... deliberately write a post ... decrying as self-importance those who, er ... think their posts are worthy of credit.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:23, closed)

What I mean is
that this is a public forum, anybody can post, and anybody can say anything that they like.
Getting all worked up and in a huff over something online, whether it's the original post or the criticism of it is just daft, and the argument 'you haven't donated so your opinion is invalid' is one that I've seen before, and which I find really, really sad.
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:26, closed)

Some people hide their donation icons.
I just happen to like stormtroopers. Point is, people can say what they like on here, but there's no reason to be a cunt.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:28, closed)

if people on B3ta weren't cunts
I probably would never have noticed this site, more than half the posts would disappear and right now you and I wouldn't be talking.
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:31, closed)

There's being a cunt, and there's being a cunt.
Some people come here just to be cunts.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:34, closed)

Whilst others come here to be closet racists and homophobes
you prick
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:40, closed)

I'm neither a racist nor a homophobe, though it's understandable how the stupid, righteous, and teenagers
in their desperation to hang such on me, could persuade themselves so.

But a prick - yes, though I prefer the term "thorn", as in "in the side".
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:43, closed)

ZOMG SELF-IMPORTANCE

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:46, closed)

In the words of Elizabeth I
"If you were half as good as me then DAMN, motherfucker you'd be tellin you too."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:48, closed)

Bahahahaha!

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:50, closed)

if you're going to use the term 'gay' in a perjorative fashion, you should probably avoid accusing others of homophobia. In fact, you should just avoid typing altogether, you fuckwitted failure.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:50, closed)

I wish you were dead

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:03, closed)

I love the way that someone with no icon and six stories, most of which are tawdry one-liners
immediately leaps to the troll's defence
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:17, closed)

He's clearly another one of my sock accounts you imbecile

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:35, closed)

and yet you're posting here
you almighty prick
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:38, closed)

yay the troll called me a prick
how long until the school holidays are over now?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:15, closed)

You should know you cunt
seeing as you spend most of your spare time hanging around them
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:58, closed)

woo, now he's called me a cunt
I'm furiously wanking at the anticipation of what the troll will come up with next - perhaps he'll break new ground with "wanker" or possibly even "fuckhead"

I also particularly like the implication of paedophilia, though the syntax is somewhat confused, and it could be read that I spend my time hanging around holidays. Even given the benefit of the doubt though, this is shockingly bad trolling and I'll give it an E- saved only from an F by its persistence.

Must try harder, assuming your mom doesn't ban you from using the computer in the meantime.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:09, closed)

So you wank over a text based forum board
when not hanging around schoolgates. I can see how you fit in around QOTW
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:17, closed)

aha, you are revealed
trolling like a retarded twelve year-old and slagging off QOTW - why don't you toddle off back to /talk where you'll blend in just fine?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:28, closed)

ooooooooh! get you!
*handbags*
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:56, closed)

Is this the thread?
www.b3ta.com/questions/guiltylaughs/post805014?highlight=answers-post-806611
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:14, closed)

It is indeed.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:16, closed)

How
did you spot it? ;)
( sanityclause is waiting until, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:16, closed)

From space with a big telescope ;)

(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:45, closed)

That's the bunny.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:17, closed)

i saw the first half-ish of that whilst it was going off.
wowee, it fairly got entertaining!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:35, closed)

Of course it is
are you a fucking mong ?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:39, closed)

you're
either a piss poor troll or just completely stupid.

bets on which?
(tb2571989 dies at precisely, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:42, closed)

I'll put my money on 'both'.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:45, closed)

I think he's pretty good at trolling as it goes

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:47, closed)

Oh yeah, he's definitely getting the result he wants - attention.
but he isn't going to be able to sustain it over long periods of time. One glorious burst of attention, and then everyone's gonna ignore him thereafter. lends credence to the sockpuppet theory, as after he's blown his wad, he has to go off and create a new account so he can do it again.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 12:50, closed)

He's clearly upset you.
Must be rubbish.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:27, closed)

Spraffs attention jizz all over the internets. In your face, fuckwheats!!!!!
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:02, closed)

you seem to be mentally ill

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 13:04, closed)

Not illo el cocko just having a laugh-o. Google it in case your latin is not as fluent as mine.
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:04, closed)

fuck off you dull cunt
you and the rest of the pricks have RUINED what was my first QOTW story. I'm gutted.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:13, closed)

I'm actually starting to like you, and am seriously considering picking you up and putting you in my pocket to take to show my friends.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:17, closed)

Brightened up
my dull Thursday, anyway.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:18, closed)

^What she said^

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:26, closed)

She?
I'm a very hairy arsed blokey type thing.

Shit. Does that mean I come across girly all the time?

That's my masculinity down the drain then. :) Ah well..
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:29, closed)

Are they filthy racists and homophobes too
I might pass on that. Being next to your sweaty malodorous balls is a big turnoff as well.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:27, closed)

No YOUR mother.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:30, closed)

Get you with the internet upset
you almighty prick
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:36, closed)

Now
Me Me Me Me!!!!
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:39, closed)

Soz mate, but you seem to be ok
No insults for you
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:43, closed)

:(

sniff
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:45, closed)

this is the best bit of this whole thread

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:48, closed)

That's the spirit!
You forgot the Prick insult.

Please, ah go on.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:30, closed)

Cheers Rory
You have brightened up my day with your controversial brand of cuntishness. Whether they mean it or not, the world needs these type of people, although perhaps in the same way Britain needed Thatcher, or Roy Castle needed cancer.
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:29, closed)

It amuses me that simply calling out a shit story as being shit
has caused so much internet UPSET. I haven't really been cunty either. Piston is dull, Vagabond is a homophobe, and Falstaff is a tedious homage to spanky and legless; why the internet tears?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:41, closed)

ITS COS YOU'RE GAY AND THEY HATE YOU

(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:47, closed)

Stop being so judgemental
and fuck off as well.
You're adding a new layer of dullness to my first QOTW story, you've ruined it.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:54, closed)

Ruined?
For you 'First' QOTW story, this is a work of collaborative art.
Everyone should be very proud and should now go a shake whatever body part they wish too.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:01, closed)

Hooray I ruined a QOTW!
Are you fifteen years old by any chance?
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:08, closed)

I hope you fall under a moving car on the way home

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:21, closed)

Just for the record I'm not upset, I am enjoying this one man stand against the oppression of....prickness. The newsletter beckons for controversy alone. In a few weeks, you'll be co-writing it, and in a year's time you'll have Jonathan Ross begging you for scripts.
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:51, closed)

No no no - the first rule is NEVER TO SHOW THE MONSTER!
Only ever HINT at it.

The implications and misdirection was good, but the direct accusation is as flaccid as your mum's cock on bingo night.

Do it again and do it properly.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:52, closed)

One day I hope that someone is able to understand whatever it is that your talking about

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:02, closed)

Most people do.
It's only you and your mates who are too stupid to do so.

That's why I'm ace and you're shit.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:05, closed)

Yes, that must be it
you've certainly won the internet today. You can console yourself with that thought as you cry into your pillow later on.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:20, closed)

Oh no - you've won the internet today.
You've always won the internet.

Well done. Online, you're better than me.

That makes you a better person in real life.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:23, closed)

One day I hope that someone is able to understand whatever it is that your talking about

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:33, closed)

Congrats on winning the internet Mr Vagabond!
Unfortunately this equates to a lifetime's supply of horse porn :(
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:34, closed)

This is all Fabulous!
you lot are brilliant. I loved this.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:16, closed)

If you want some more then.......
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post512103?highlight=answers-post-512180

This dates back to 2009, so probably not Kano.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 16:14, closed)

Excellent
Cheers, I'll give it a read. I usually just stick to QOTW otherwise I'd never get any work done! :)
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 16:23, closed)

i love your username

( weaver., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 16:20, closed)