I've been told I'm not allowed to have a fridge in my office
Apparently this is something to do with the law governing electricity supplies in buildings. I reckon it's because they don't want me to have a fridge using up all that electricity.

What have you been told you can't do recently?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:10, 121 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I do what I want, when I want
unless my wife tells me otherwise
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)

Or unless your daughter is crying?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)

Join the army
Don't ask - don't tell policy my arse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)

Threadjack
I'm looking for a new broadband deal to go with my new flat. Anyone know of a pareticlularly good provider, that is cheap?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)

I hope you're paying tax on your rental income NA otherwise we're losing out here to your criminal enterprise

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Everything is above board, thank you for your concern

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)

I hope you're not lying to me here

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)

*Charles and Eddie*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)

This seems like a reasonable defence to the HMRC Inspectorate

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)

It annoys me that when they changed the VAT loophole that allows people in Jersey to sell CDs without paying VAT
they said that the treasury has been losing 130 million pounds a year.

They haven't been losing anything, if it's a legal way of not having to pay a tax then it's just the treasury's fault for having such a complicated tax system with so many easily exploited loopholes.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)

They are changing a law that was created in 1984
When no one was buying CDs from the internet.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)

It doesn't apply just to CDs it is anything that was worth less than £15 or something like that.
Given that buying CDs is not a new idea letting it go on for this many years is just incompetence on their part.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:26, Reply)

From what I gleaned from half listening to the radio in the car this morning
It was initially created to enable Channel Island companies to sell items such as cut flowers on the mainland where the end user was likely to incur costs in collecting them. Removing the VAT balanced out this extra cost and allowed them to remain competetive.
Yes it was incompetent for previous governments to allow this to continue past it's relevance and allow companies to exploit the loophole by setting up subsidiaries in the Channel Islands. But New Labour at the time were a) experimenting with the Tory tactic of getting into bed with big business to try to remain in power; and b) too busy starting wars all over the place to bother about tax loopholes.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Who even buys cD's?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)

I bought three this month.
I give my friend a couple of CDs every month because despite owning a ludicrously expensive stereo, he only owns about 50 CDs. And one of them is a disco remix of the star wars soundtrack.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)

WE NEED ROOT AND BRANCH REFORM !!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)

My neighbours tree is mostly dying
apart from the bit that I want to die as it's growing through our fence. I know I could chop it down, but I actually quite like the tree, just not the bit which is damaging my fence.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Diesel the roots, that'll learn the fucker

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)

stick a copper nail into it
it will mysteriously die. well, mysteriously provided that you remove the nail after the event. like trees that are the subject of TPO's all over the country.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)

Plus net,

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)

But theri adverts are so annoying...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)

It's all relative Apey
If you think those adverts are annoying, I have two words for you.

*dons tailtsuit and dodgy moustache*

GO COMPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Alsdo i live 1/2 a mile from the exchange server, but can only get 11mg apparently
how shit is that
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:24, Reply)

If it's a shit exchange it'll eventually be upgraded.
But if you want speed you don't get that with a cheap provider.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)

11 Meg is pretty good for the UK.
Unless you have cable or BT have run fibre optic along your road, then 11Meg is very good.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)

ok, it's just that everyone advertises 20mb and i feel left out

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)

They all lie like fuck

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)

I'm cahtt8ing to one of their sales people, I told her she was falsy advertining

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)

I hope you spelt it like that so she understood you.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)

My cursor keeps flipping to the chat window mucking up my typing even more than usual

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)

You are Stanley Unwin AICMFP

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)

what cheese can you see in a mirror?
haloumi
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)

I don't get it

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:45, Reply)

"hello me"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:48, Reply)

Oh I see.
Swipe, I know you and I have had our differences, but I'd like to thank you for only getting annoyed with me over something genuinely offensive, not just me forgetting to say thanks for something.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:52, Reply)

i've missed the "thank you" meme
what did i miss?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1576901
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:02, Reply)

oh, online drama
best of ALL teh dramaz
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:07, Reply)

*up to 20Mb
(if you live in America)
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Stay offline

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)

I use Orange and I'm pretty happy with it.
Only thing I wish I could have gotten was a static IP but only a few people need that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)

Smoke
Apparently it is "bad for you"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)

it's alos bad for me you selfish bastard

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:26, Reply)

I fail to see how me getting stoned in my back garden can have any impact on your life whatsoever.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)

You will get cancer and give it to his kids.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)

only if they agree to sleep with him

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Are you saying that cancer is an STD?
One which is only transmitted during consensual sex?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Luckily little ape didn't consent

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)

bloody muslims

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)

butterfly effect innit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)

I can't get a new kitchen this year 'cus I need a new boiler, so my budget has been diverted to that.
My bills should come down to about half though, something to do with pilot lights not being the done thing anymore, and it'll go on my wall where all my pots'n'pans are (they need to be high up or something, and connected to the outside wall), so my pots'n'pans now have to go on another wall, which needs to be re-inforced to be able to hold all my pots'n'pans.

I'll get a new oven now though, 'cus my one is shit, and a little bit dangerous as it turns itself on randomly in the middle of the night like out of that film Paranoid Activity 2. But I only have 55" so I can't get a super awesome oven, just a normal awesome one.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:26, Reply)

I feel for you Gonz.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)

The 60 inchers are so much prettier, but I've got like 59.999999 inches space =((((((
The advantage though is that now the boiler is on the wall, there is room for a dishwasher, and my hallway cupboard is going to be HUGE, I could turn it into a shower-room, it's more than big enough. I'm gonna turn it into a laundry room though, as I'm currently using my office for that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Get a little radiator installed in it and you've got an excellent airing cupboard right there.
I wish we had room for a specific airing cupboard, but we don't, so the airer lives on the landing.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)

I'm not 100% sure, it's a good idea, but I'm also going to double it up as storidge for food items, such as cans and stuff.
I bought about 40 cans of fizzy pop for £7 on sunday, used my granny bag to carry it, god damn I live Enfield Town.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)

whoa.
What the fuck pans do you have if you need to reinforce a wall, Gonz?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)

It's one of those thin plaster board wall things, and I've got hanging on it*
about 5 frying pans, 4 saucepans, another shelf that has a few lightweight items (chopping boards, colindar, scales) and 2 thin shelves of herbs'n'stuff.

* as in, what would be transfered to be hanging on it, it's currently on a proper wall.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)

as long as you mount the hanging racks properly
there's no need to re-inforce for that. I've hung several whole cupboards on less*

*disclaimer - I've not seen this wall so taking my advice may end badly.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:44, Reply)

I'm imagining that it's actually just a piece of plasterboard leant against a wall.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:45, Reply)

the internal walls in my last house were basically cardboard
They still held cupboards full of stuff just fine.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:48, Reply)

montylolz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)

I donno, we got a handy man who knows his shit, been with the family since I was in dypers, whatever he says, I'll go with.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:23, Reply)

we're not allowed plants in our offices
something to do with the plants that are already in place and their complex watering system. ridiculous.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)

hydroponics can be fragile, you are Monty AICM Dole

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Aeroponics are more efficient.
Trickier, but higher yield.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Complex warering system?
As in pouring water on them a few times a week?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)

yeah, but you have to bill the watering in 6 minute sections, remember.
And adding baby bio is a separate charging section.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)

*has a daily Mail/Richard Littlejohn rant*

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)

Plus disbs

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)

nuffin.
I don't bow to "the man" on such trivialities.

Although I was told it would be wasteful to have a bone-in rib joint for just the two of us yesterday. Beef denied.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)

How could that have been wasteful?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)

Well bone-in rib obviously only comes in multiples of ribs
and one rib is usually about 1.8 kg. That's rather a lot of beef for 2 people.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)

Are you some sort of bitch?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)

yes.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)

WHAT DOES BADGER LOOK LIKE?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Yeah, but the bone must account for about 400g at least
so that's entirely a reasonable amount of beef. Also, you could have had half yesterday and the other half today. If you were a girl.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)

*high fives*
*bumps bellies*
*falls over*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)

Hey, I'm not disputing this
I'm just pointing out the scenario that I was given.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)

you should have pointed out the economy of scale by roatsing a large joint and usiung the meat throughout the week
then cunt punched her
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)

I'm not going to eat beef for 5 days in a row, it'll get dull.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)

Well you are obviously not as good a chef as you make out

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)

because I don't want to eat the same meat every day for a week?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)

because you don't have the mad skillz to make it interesting

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)

I'd rather make some different interesting.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)

like chickpeas

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:45, Reply)

I do actually cook a fair bit with chickpeas
try not to be too shocked.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:46, Reply)

darling
nothing you could do would ever shock me.

not after THOSE pics.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:49, Reply)

of course

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Congratulations.
You're the first person to make me laugh today.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)

i do what i want
Bitch
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)

oh
Actually, since I'm staying at my parents house, I've been told I'm not allowed to become pregnant
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)

*cancels flight*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Really? Are you having to bulk buy coathangers then?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)

cos that would be stupid you get coat hangers free when the dry cleaner irons your shirts

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)

oh gawd

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)

Or you could just throw yourself down the stairs.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:44, Reply)

and into a hot bath of gin

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:45, Reply)

Prohibition isn't a foolproof method of contraception.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)

*stepped*

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)

ITS MY VAGINA MOTHER AND I'LL INVITE WHOEVER I WANT INSIDE AND YOU CANT STOP ME.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:45, Reply)

hahaha. Genuine LOL.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:46, Reply)

its not her who cares
She'd be thrilled
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:52, Reply)

I can imagine your dad bursting into your room and smacking the cocks out of your foof just as they start spurt ing.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:53, Reply)

It would be like a very messy "waka-mole"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:54, Reply)

"DAD! I was doing anal FFS! Get out of here!"

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:56, Reply)

please stop imagining that
I've actually never had sex inside my house
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:57, Reply)

"Kristine! Stop doing that on the back porch, you're rocking the TV aerial"

(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:00, Reply)

"mama's trying to watch her stories!"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:03, Reply)

Mr. Ape
accepts with pleasure
the kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. Kristines parents
to the vagina of their daughter
Kristine
on Saturday, the twenty-third of April
at three o'clock in the afternoon
128 Jersey Shore
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:53, Reply)

Did you have to RSVP in your own jizz?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 13:57, Reply)

yeah, you read it with a black light

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:01, Reply)

Oh man, Radio 4 are doing a story about me, personally.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:27, Reply)

Almost took my fucking fingers off!

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:27, Reply)

Eh Up.

(Glucose-Maximus All over the world., Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:35, Reply)

ah...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:36, Reply)

Freefair has broken offtopic

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:45, Reply)

no one in the college is allowed
a microwave, purely because someone in my office (not me, for once, before my time) set off the fire alarms with a baked potato
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:37, Reply)

did they wrap it in tin foil first?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:37, Reply)

that would have explained it
but apparently not. Just left it on for way too long, I think
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:38, Reply)

people are retarded
see panic fuel buying and subsquent immolation and blaming of the government
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:41, Reply)

It wasn't panic buying though
it was quite logical. The government told them that they should fill up, so they did. The blame lies entirely with the government. Not for the woman blowing herself up, but that was a direct consequence.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:49, Reply)