Yeah shut up.
I watched over two and half hours of Kenneth Williams-related television last night, shove that up your Team GB. It was great, he was a right weirdo but also one of my favourite entertainers of all time. I could have done without seeing Michael Sheen's penis though. Unnecessary to say the least.

What else is unnecessary?

Alt: What really is necessary?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:15, 132 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I watched a lot of the olympics and ate a curry and made homebrew cider.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Cider eh? From a kit or from apples?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:20, Reply)

From a kit.
There's two sets of instructions: to make normal cider or strong cider. Guess which one I made?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Durrr.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:22, Reply)

un an-nonce importante?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:23, Reply)

English motherfucker! Do you speak it?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:24, Reply)

motherfucker is a dialect i am unfamiliar with?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:25, Reply)

You may know it as 'Norfolk'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:25, Reply)

very good

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:31, Reply)

I was thinking of making some cider to make apple jack
But I hear you only get half a gallon of applejack from 5 gallons of cider
( Peej, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Are you going to Freeze distil it? if so probably best to wait until the winter and do it outside.
It'll probably be around that ratio, you have to get rid of a lot of water from it to get the percentage up.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

I have a massive chest freezer and was going to freeze it in there
not good?
( Peej, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:32, Reply)

THat's fine but you should be careful with freeze distillation, if it's not properly fermented and settled
you can have a whole bunch of horrible shit still in the cider being concentrated.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:40, Reply)

The fact that the pub round the corner from me has just got in an absolutely beautiful beer when I'm not supposed to be spending money this month
Not fair at all. Ah well, I've got the next couple of weeks to look forward to, wedding and a festival.

Alt: For my headache to fuck off, it's getting quite annoying. Not even booze related, FFS.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Unlucky, lad.
I on the other hand feel tip-top and, given the hammering I've given my body over the weekend, this is a medical marvel up there with those Mexican werewolf kids.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:27, Reply)

Bastard.
Did you enjoy your massive can of cider then?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Enormously!!!
DO YOU GET THIS JOKE????????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I don't.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Lusty did a lol picture of me sat on the sofa at home
where she held a can of cider in front of the camera. It looked like I was drinking a giant can of cider. Much mirth ensued.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:43, Reply)

Oh yes I saw that.
I'm afraid I didn't "retweet" it from my Facebook "deck" on my "next generation" "phone"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Oh man it's 'trending' big-time, in the 'blogosphere'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

You'll have your own 'hashtag' then you'll be a member of the 'twitterati'
Within hours the photo will be 'shopped' with 'kittums'
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)

Please die

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Oh man that sounds wicked!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:55, Reply)

The less said about it, the better, I feel.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Does K still count as cider?
I thought it was apple flavoured head fucker.
( Peej, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)

I've never tried it, I wouldn't know

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Its the Tenants super of ciders

( Peej, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:40, Reply)

It's a tumour, soz.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:30, Reply)

LOL

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:31, Reply)

t +h
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:32, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1686941
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Can't say I can really think of anything in my life that is unnecessary.
Actually, I think Booze is necessary. I feel lousy.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I bet you'd like Kenneth Williams to entertain you personally
over a table with a tangerine in your mouth and him in your shit pipe.

Unnecessary: littering and spitting

alt: immediate and violent punishment for littering or spitting
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:32, Reply)

I can't help but retch when I see someone hock up a loogie.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:34, Reply)

Sounds like a Highland dance.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:36, Reply)

I'm very much the same

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

I'm the opposite, whenever I see someone retching I spit on them.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:41, Reply)

Really?
I join them in a Highland dance, myself.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

NBC commentators didn't know who Tim Berners-Lee was during the opening ceremony.
They suggested the audience Googled him.

YOU WOULDNT BE ABLE TO GOOGLE IF HE HADNT INVENTED THE INTERWEBS*
*sorta
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Spastics.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

There were also a number of twitter users wondering why Keneth Branagh was playing Abe Lincoln in the show.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)

I'll admit, I didn't know who he was playing at the time (being shitfaced didn't help)
But even them, I'm not that stupid.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:41, Reply)

Well, why was he? Aren't you going to tell us?



lol
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

He was playing some Jew train spotter I think.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:55, Reply)

Normally the arrival of trains heralds bad news for that lot, no wonder they've got people watching out of them.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

was that the drama-doc based on his life? i've seen that, excellent
i have his diaries somewhere, he was a total oddball. might have been much happier if he'd been born 50 years later, when he could have been the open raving bender he so clearly was. but maybe not. he seemed to have issues with the human body.

quentin is unnecessary. so are the massive boxes of documents i have just received from the other side, clients whining about quarter end billing, calories in lemon cheesecake flavoured white chocolate slabs, the massive allergy i seem to have developed to the bastard insect that bit me on sunday and has turned my ankle into a balloon, and bacon sandwiches.

alt: lots of things. i am going to that sweaty yoga tonight for the first time, so i'll say towels and water.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

make sure you don't drink any water aftewards or you'll put on all the weight you sweated out

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:41, Reply)

my friend who goes every week tells me i am going to HATE it for the first few sessions
90 minutes and you're not allowed to leave the room or make any noise. she said she never realised she had so many sweat glands in her shins until the first class she did.

doom. it is not going to be good.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)

if it's going to be that shit, why are you bothering?

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)

because if i can get through the shit bit, it's supposed to be amazing
besides, you should try everything once.

except incest and morris dancing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)

I witnessed a Morris-off a while ago
It was simultaneously the funniest and saddest thing I've ever seen.
( Kroney, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:15, Reply)

I've been looking for a picture of a Morris minor falling off a cliff,
or some other sort of high thing. Please pretend i found one, and posted it here for comic effect. Thanks.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)

Bacon sandwiches are magnificent.
You're simply wrong.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:42, Reply)

salty chewy rancid pieces of dead pig and heart attack ruining perfectly good bread?
no thanks
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:45, Reply)

^^^this
they are what Sunday mornings were invented for.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Yup, there was a documentary followed by the film. Great stuff.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Bikram? It's v addictive I understand.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:45, Reply)

yes, so my friend says
my other friend and i are bikram virgins. we are nervous.

also, some of the positions look frankly ridiculous. there is one that should be called "the pretzel", it's impossible.

"the corpse", however, i think i can do.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Drop an E as well
LeahBettslols
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)

You get worse.
Many things are unnecessary, in fact, most of the best things are unnecessary, so shut your hole.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:55, Reply)

but sometimes unnecessary things are fun.
Sex isn't necessary unless you want to make babies, but it's fun to do it anyway.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

i'm not sure you read my post properly.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Probably.
I'm tired and grumpy and hanging out here hoping someone will say something funny. Thus far I've been disappointed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:09, Reply)

PLOPPY PLOPPY BUM POO FARTS!!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

*raises eyebrow*
Really?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)

i'm trying to find your level of humour,
if that is too childish, we'll just have to try raising the bar.

Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Leave the Internet.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:40, Reply)

I fear I've said too much already.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

I'll see you in court.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Dear battered
Keep on dreaming xxx
www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/olympics/19042645
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)

ha, I just wastched this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

is he a midget,
he looks very small. I thought midges were in the paralympics. Imma ring Seb Coe, see if he's spotted this guy.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Om, who is just 4ft 11ins (152cm)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:09, Reply)

well, that's not that small,
he looks a lot smaller than that. I wanna see him stood in one of those police line ups before I believe a word of it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Paul fucking McCartney
Wheeling him out to massacre a few songs he wrote 40-odd years ago every time we have some kind of major televised event does not speak of our great musical legacy as a nation. It suggests we haven't produced any musicians worthy of note since the 60s.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)

I liked Dizzie Rascal coming out.
I also liked it pissed of some Tory MP's.
"Why's there so much focus on rap music it's only a small part of our culture waaahhh"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Someone pointed out on Twitter that Danny Boyle had assembled a celebration of loads of things that Tories hate
and got a Tory government to pay for it. They then proved him right. Aidan Burley is a fucking idiot.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)

awww man,
but everyone loves a good singalong number, na na na nanana nanana hey dude
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)

They should have got 1 Direction and JLS to sing
that would have been brilliant!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)

At a guess it's because he was in a band called 'the Beatles', which a global audience will be able to connect with

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)

DF would have had a 9-hour celebration of 'industrial metalcore'
and a 'Weakest Link' themed laser show.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)

FUCK THAT SHIT

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Yeah, that's sort of my point, Rory
It basically says we haven't produced any music that a global audience can connect with for 40 years.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)

There's too many niches DF, kids aint into Michael Jackson no more, it's all trancemetalcore this grimedubhop that
there aint no melody no more


na nan nana na nana na
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

What about Wings eh?
They were alright too.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)

They were the band the Beatles could have been

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:07, Reply)

BAND ON THE RUN!!
dannandanananananndndandnanan bworouuuuwwwwww dnadnaadddnananna
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

The Beatles were the Take That of the 60's. Complete and utter shite. A managed boy band.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)

who formed outside of management, wrote their own material which still seems to be doing quite well, played their own instruments, and dictated their own direction
so yes that's almost exactly right
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Take That also wrote their own material (courtesy of that fat bastard Gary Barlow) and played instruments.
Fairpoint about management though.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)

I liked it when they played smells like teen spirit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:20, Reply)

yes, take that are well known for being at the vanguard of popular music, and being viewed as a catalyst of youth culture

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:24, Reply)

SMASH THE SYSTEM

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Fairpoint Convention were just a manufactured folk band.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:23, Reply)

I deserve credit for this brilliant post. That's all I'm saying.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

here have some credit
although I really don't know what you're on about
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)

On the opposite side of that
Jimi Hendrix's band was put together for him by management (albeit with his input) so one could say that from a certain perspective the Experience were a manufactured pop band.

What I'm saying is that JLS and the JHE are basically the same as each other and both are equally good. And Sonia is basically Janis Joplin.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:22, Reply)

not forgetting elvis being controlled by the evil colonel
to make shit loads of money and bang chicks from his surfer flicks.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)

Damn him and his fried chicken empire.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)

To be fair, he is *quite* popular.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:03, Reply)

what's wrong with his face?
He appears to be melting
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:05, Reply)

I was wondering the same.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

it's called "aging"

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:09, Reply)

"and wig wearing"

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

I thought it was spelled 'Botox'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

t l
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Keep at it! Nearly there!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:15, Reply)

He opened the Ark.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

YEAH!
They should have had some more up-to-date stuff like The Arctic Monkeys, Underworld and Dizzee Rascal, the fucken SQUARES.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)

Somebody that can still sing would have done.
Would have thought after the Jubilee Concert someone would have had a word.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

See also: wheeling that poor bastard Mohammad Ali out
Like he's some sort of Victorian grotesque
( Kroney, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Especially with Shakin Stevens playing in the backround

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)

I love Shaky.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:24, Reply)

i know you do
I clearly have little knowledege of his work as to me he is a Christmas jumper wearing bellend
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:25, Reply)

he looked a bit re-animated,
I'm not sure he knew where he was, let alone who.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:20, Reply)

he don't know if he's shit himself or not
"WAVE YOUR HAND C'MON JUST WAVE IT" some bint was screaming at him and still didn't have a scooby.

Seb Coe is a monster
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)

boxing is a totally safe sport with not long term repercussions

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:22, Reply)

I tried to watch the lightweight boxing,
it just looked like a pair of chavs on a fancy dress stag do after a club kick out.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:23, Reply)

Yes... you catch parkinsons from boxing.
That's now a proven fact.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Of course, because Parkinsons is a contagious disease
no wonder the so called NHS is 3rd world
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:32, Reply)

It's genetic.

( Kroney, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)

you're genetic

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:34, Reply)

But not necessarily inherited.
There's links to mutations in a number of genes but only 15% of sufferers have close family with it as well.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Look, Rory,
i'm sort of still pretty new here on /OT and considering how unpopular you are, I'd rather you didn't reply to me.
Thanks.

Pig aged 25 and 1 week.
xx
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:23, Reply)

it's true man, I reek of unpopularity
you should b4sh more, that'll heighten your offtopic profile
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)

i'm not sure i'm ready for that sort of commitment

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:31, Reply)

it would involve you being ceremoniusly bummed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)

In fairness, that was exclusive to you.
No-one else has been subjected to the African Punishment Bumming.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:36, Reply)

He looked like he needed a seatbelt on his wheelchair
just to stop the poor cunt pitching forward out of it.
( Kroney, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:32, Reply)

And that word ideally being 'die'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)