god it's slower than a tard in treacle on here today
my younger cousin assumes he can just have my spare room for free. what lie can i tell to disabuse him of this?

alt: what time is home time? do you work to fixed hours, or are you at your desk til it's done??

altalt: what's for supper?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:45, 62 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Tell him the 'lie' that accommodation in Kensington is really fucking expensive
and that if he wants to live there he'd better have deep pockets because having someone in your flat, relative or not, is a massive imposition and isn't fucking well free.

AltAlt: Cocodamol I think, my back's fucking killing me
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:48, Reply)

this is exactly what my dad said
the problem is, i'm far far too soft.

what have you done to your back??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:49, Reply)

Then let me talk to him. I don't mind at all.
Or get your dad to.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:50, Reply)

i am hoping that the job will be pie in the sky
and i won't need to address the issue. he is just seeing pound signs. the problem is, i feel guilty, because i got my flat out of the goodness of my dad's heart. if i let him stay for free for 6 months, he'd have a deposit. i have done this for friends, but i'm just not sure i could live with him. oh feck.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:52, Reply)

dad's heart mum's cancer
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:54, Reply)

my ma didn't have cancer
you must be confusing her with your wizened anus
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:55, Reply)

Oh whatever, it's still funny.
Don't be such a killjoy.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:56, Reply)

can't help it
i have made myself think of your puckered angry arsehole, and i don't think i'll ever feel joy again :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:56, Reply)

If you don't want to share your flat it's more than fine to say so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:55, Reply)

i don't
but i am really really hopeless at saying no to anything.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:57, Reply)

*feels extremely guilty*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:59, Reply)

These jokes write themselves


THAT'S THE JOKE
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:00, Reply)

ah well
it's not just apostrophes that some people don't have a clue about how/where to use them, you know
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:02, Reply)

There isn't anything wrong with my apostrophe use in that last post?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:09, Reply)

Whilst that's true, this ^ isn't a question.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:12, Reply)

The question mark was to indicate that you should read my words with an air of puzzlement.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:13, Reply)

Oh, you're supposed to post a picture of Seinfeld when you want to convey that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:13, Reply)

Why would I post a picture of Seinfeld
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:18, Reply)

HAHAHAHAH
that was precisely the pic I meant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:19, Reply)

that was not the joke
never mind, it wasn't a good joke anyway
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:14, Reply)

Simply tell him to go fuck himself.
Alt: variable, dependent on what is required.

Altalt: a Chinese takeaway as I am too knackered to cook - yesterday was my daughter's first birthday and I spent most of the day cooking for the open house we had, so no fucking way am I cooking tonight.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:50, Reply)

Oh man once they get past one, the fun really begins.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:51, Reply)

I was quite emotional (didn't show it though) cannot believe she is already one.
In other news I have just seen a woman who looks exactly like Lusty, but is heavily pregnant. Something you've not told us Boyce?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:54, Reply)

He's a fast worker if there is something to tell
Especially given she was boozing it up on saturday.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:55, Reply)

That was a right old fucking laugh, that was.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:57, Reply)

We had a lovely walk to teh pub on Sunday, shame you had to go.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:00, Reply)

Innit.
Especially as my carnival plans were shot down in flames when I turned up to collect my kid.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:01, Reply)

I cannot cope with the carnival any more. Too old I guess.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:02, Reply)

It's great for kids on the Sunday.
My littleun's favourite music is ska so I was really hoping to get her down Gaz Mayall's sound system. I'm well gutted.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:07, Reply)

I expect I will take micro battered in a couple of years time.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:09, Reply)

Tell Lusty I love her to bits and will send her photos of my granny soon.
And that everyone was impressed by how well we filled in the calendar with Father Ted quotes. After that it is a blur.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:45, Reply)

It really was.
I was stupidly pleased with my Neil Armstrong comment. Must've been the beer.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:53, Reply)

Yes.
Lusty has put on 4 stone.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:55, Reply)

THIS IS A JOKE*



*it's six stone
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:56, Reply)

This is also a joke
It's 8 stone.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:56, Reply)

You might want to delete that before she sees it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:56, Reply)

he is very bold when she's OFFLINE

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:57, Reply)

I might just

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:59, Reply)

Tell your cousin that you rent it out
At market rate and give the money to charity.

Alt: here 'till I reach a point where I'm happy to leave things.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:51, Reply)

Tell him the room is full of sharks that are covered in bees.
I work till the workings done, or 5 if I'm on a day shift.

Altalt: don't know. Maybe pie.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:54, Reply)

man that would be a good pet
the bee-infested angry sharks, not the pie.

clearly i would eat the pie.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:56, Reply)

clearly.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:56, Reply)

it does depend what's in it though
has to be cheese and onion, or some variation thereof.

no horrible meat substances.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:58, Reply)

I made an asparagus and gruyere quiche yesterday for the vegesexuals. It was very popular.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:57, Reply)

that does sound nice
i love a bit of gruyere
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:58, Reply)

As do I.
This might be because it sounds like 'ooh yeah' though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:01, Reply)

yes
i thought you hated quiche.

because, and i quote, "it's fucking bent".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:03, Reply)

Oh I do.
I was talking specifically about liking the cheese. Quiche is uber-bent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:04, Reply)

i love a bit of a quiche, me
the deli near me does a spinach, feta and jalapeno one. mmm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:07, Reply)

not a pie though is it,
Start your own quiche thread you quichey pervert.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:08, Reply)

worst of all teh perverts

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:14, Reply)

Tell him the only men you have staying over
Are bandits, so unless he's a grade A mincing fruit there isn't a place for him.

If he is actually gay, just say you have to think about the value of the place and turn him down on that basis.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:00, Reply)

So when are you moving in?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:01, Reply)

When you and Bobby move out.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:03, Reply)

+ to Brighton because 'the scene' is so good down there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:06, Reply)

As you more than most would know.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:08, Reply)

Well, you do tell me all about your sordid life, it's true.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:11, Reply)

I just wish you wouldn't wank whilst asking me questions about it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:15, Reply)

Sorry about that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:17, Reply)

tell him you need the money cos your whoring's not going so well
do this while stroking his arm or playing with his hair
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:16, Reply)

No lie, you get nowt for free these days.
Alt: student
Altalt: dunno, thinking risotto.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:26, Reply)

alt:
this week it's all about getting home as early as possible. Normally it's stay until most of the crises are under control or my patience begins to go, whichever is first. Usually
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:33, Reply)