What the fuck are puppies?
I worked in a pub in Bristol last year to fund my studies. It was part of a massive chain and eventually I left because they dropped my wages without letting me know before hand. But in my last week I took full advantage of the free alcohol that was available at the bar (trying to make up the difference in my pay that I was losing of course...). My last night was of no exception.

I caned it, to put it lightly. Long island iced teas with all the premium spirits, flaming sambucas in the staff corridoor (getting the new girl who was taking my place absolutely smashed). I must have dropped about 5 glasses, but am on charming form with the patrons- last night and all that.

At around 11.45, as we're ringing the last orders bell, i notice a slight confrontation between my new female colleague and a shortish thuggish man so i stroll over.

I'm not a small guy, but at 6'2" and only 11stone, with floral shirts glasses and wavy hair, I'm not exactly intimidating either.

"What's the problem Debbie(nothername)" I asked.
"This man is woofing at me, and asking to see my puppies" the young woman replied.
"Come with me, I'll show you the puppies" I said to the man, and he surprisingly (or maybe not) obliged.

At this point I was working off adrenaline, copious alcohol fumes, and righteous indignation. SO what did I do? I led him into the back room,

So I'm standing in the back room, in my floral shirt, smashed, with a drunk, sexually aggressive skinhead customer, and with all my courage and wit said...

"there are no puppies".

"show me the fucking puppies, he said.

It's at this point I realise I have lost sight of the situation, and have absolutely no idea what i am doing; what the fuck kind of euphemism is puppies anyway? and why did i offer to show him some and bring him to the back room with me?

- i wasn't going to fight him, i certainly wasn't going to try and educate him about proper etiquette around women in my state, and I most definitely was not going to show him puppies.

"I'm not moving until you show me puppies"

Inebriated impromptu vigilante chivalry is so fucking lame, but I seem to attempt it with quite some frequency.
(Pingoo likes cheese, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 13:40, 7 replies)

Answer
Puppies are nornally attached to females, come in many different sizes. and are generally 12-13 years younger than she is. Possibly named because when you get to handle them the normal reaction is, awhhh.
(Pill Popper Thank you Sasha Shulgin, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 14:18, closed)

I heartily endorse this explanation.

( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 14:37, closed)

Do they have
pink noses too?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 14:47, closed)

I seem to be missing the last page of this story D:
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:22, closed)

Great story...
But what happened in the end? Violence? Male buggery? What?

We NEED to know...
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 15:25, closed)

Seconded.
If there is no conclusion I'm going to be forced to go back to my normal day and do some work...which displeases me...greatly.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 16:32, closed)

we stood there awkwardly...
for about 3 minutes 34 seconds, then I asked him to leave again and he did...
(Pingoo likes cheese, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:55, closed)