Captain Bastard
This was his nickname. We would feel guilty about doing the things we did to him for any other person but he was such an utter bastard that we didn't even feel the slightest twinge.
To set the scene: Captain had £8,000 in the bank, but still bought girls he fancied Tesco Value Chocolate (he took the wrapper off) and wouldn't buy a round. He wanked furiously and didn't tidy up properly, much to his roomates annoyance. He had a steady girlfriend back home, but still pulled as many people as possible back in Freshers' week, then had the nerve to burst into tears when she broke up with him. So what did he do to cheer himself up? Got his mum to buy him a holiday to America, whereupon he reaquainted himself with an ex. Then when he got back here he got himself another two girlfriends and didn't tell them he was cheating on them with another two girls. All this time he still letched on people, especially people you were trying to talk to.
The guy was an arsefountain.
So, when I got him in Secret Santa I felt obliged to indicate everyone's feelings towards him. I got his present and did the old cunt's trick of wrapping it in as many layers as possible. Such was the density and size of the package that it looked and felt like a dvd case. In fact it was 26 different layers of paper stuck down with double sided sticky tape.
There is a video on my friend's computer of him unwrapping the present and the transition on Captain's face from excited to frustrated to confused to panic to annoyance to the penny dropping was priceless. I'll try to post it if I can get the video from someone.
I hope he enjoyed his Mojo Pills, I spent a full £2 getting them from a pub toilet. Added to that was the fact that when I gave him them I was dressed as Santa and swigging from a bottle of rum, grinning like a loon.
(thePontificator, Fri 15 Dec 2006, 11:07, Reply)