Anyone fancy an argument?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:22, archived)

I fucking don't.

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:28, archived)

cunt

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:31, archived)

If opposites attract
then I hope you meet someone who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:37, archived)

:(

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:43, archived)

don't give him the satisfaction
his game is weak
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:44, archived)

I'm all for a laugh and that m8 but this is a bit 2 close for home.

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:49, archived)

Clickin dis :;(

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:51, archived)

First you'd better stop waving it like a feather-duster.

(97800, Thu 9 Aug 2018, 0:44, archived)

no, no-one anywhere wants a fucking argument
everyone is just blissfully happy coexisting all over the world, you fucking idiot cunt
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:31, archived)

knot worth it m8

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:33, archived)

round turn and two half hitches, ma8e

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:35, archived)

Chokin for it.

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:40, archived)

Gaylord

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:31, archived)

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:37, archived)

no...yes?....Fuck you shit cunt!

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:42, archived)

This is all a bit much for me tbf, sorry guys i got carried away.

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:46, archived)

Swearing and that, its funny but is it necessary?!?

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:47, archived)

you absolute melt

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Aug 2018, 0:06, archived)

I dunno, I go away for a couple of hours and manage to miss the fucksocks sans meds thread

(97800, Thu 9 Aug 2018, 0:21, archived)

bloke just been arrested in the local iceland for shopping naked
what has made you say WTF today?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:32, archived)

I didn't know you could get plums in Iceland

( broadsword w⚓, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:36, archived)

and melons

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:41, archived)

defo richard Mcbeef
this whole holidaying in Palermo is bollocks. He's running around frozen food supermarkets with his nuts and bolt hanging out.

Fucking disgusting.
( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:39, archived)

someone told him a mankini is a bad look for him
so he took it off
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:41, archived)

windy's obsession with big booty bitches has me scratching my noggin

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:39, archived)

they take up so much space on the couch

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:42, archived)

noggin big booty
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:45, archived)

in which case
cratch napchatt
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 15:09, archived)

I bet he gave everyone a good look at his prawn ring

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:46, archived)

he was only in his 20's
2 police cars and 4 officers just to take a naked man away
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:51, archived)

How did it take two police cars?
Was he half in one of them and half in the other? Like Indiana Jones between the two mine carts?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 17:58, archived)

I don't know

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 18:35, archived)

they arrested peter andre too

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 19:13, archived)

aaAaA_{aAAAaAAaAaaaAaAaa}AAAaaaaaaaAaAAarrrRrRrrr_RrRRrrrd^v_{AAaaAaAAAaAAa}AaAaA^AaAaAAAaAAArRRrrrRrRrrrR^RrrRRk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( broadsword w⚓, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:12, archived)

Hello there.
I didn't think the greeting generator was still working. Can you give me a link to it, please?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:54, archived)

aaAaAAA_aAAaAAAAaAaaaaAAaAAAaaaAaaaRrrr_rrRrrrRrRdvAaaaAaaaaaaAAaAAAAaaAaaAaAaaaaaaaa^RrrRrrrrRrrR_k^!!!!!!!!!_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_!!!!!!
( broadsword w⚓, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:56, archived)

AaaaAAaa^aAaAaaAaAAAaaaAAaaAAAAAaaAaaaAaAArRRRRRrrRrRRrdvaaAAAaAAaaAAAAAAAaAAAaAAAAaAaAAaAaAARRrRrr^rRrrk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^{!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}
( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:17, archived)

:D

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:54, archived)

ruddy hell it's Aard and vark!!!

( vladimir, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:32, archived)

It ruddy is, too!

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:53, archived)

We never get sightings like this, must be breeding season

( mongychops, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:55, archived)

The bloke wanted by police for hiding naked in a bush and making miaowing noises.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:47, archived)

sounds normal for these parts

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 14:51, archived)

these my
r n
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 19:33, archived)

One banana cake has just gone into the oven, its future uncertain.
I can hold my own with most forms of cooking but I'm a complete novice at baking.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 19:52, archived)

I love baking
As long as I don't have to eat the cake
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:13, archived)

This is why I never bake, as a general rule.
I haven't got much of a sweet tooth and the concept of eating an entire cake by myself screams 'fat knacker'. Still, I had four bananas that had gone too soft to eat and I didn't know what else to do with them.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:23, archived)

Bin them
Bananas are evil
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:36, archived)

I can't do that.
They're too full of potassium.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:51, archived)

I hate bananas with a vengeance

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:58, archived)

What have they ever done to you?
The guy who does the "Binging with Babish" YouTube channel is deathly allergic to bananas.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:59, archived)

and you get enough already from guzzling primate spaff?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:30, archived)

mostly just terrible driving,
does nobody know how to use a box junction? i don't even drive and i still know it
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:14, archived)

I helped several of my friends with their driving tests
Despite not being able to drive
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:12, archived)

oh it's your fault is it

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:13, archived)

It usually is

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:14, archived)

er, how

(97800, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:43, archived)

Reading the highway code and trying to get them to remember it

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:59, archived)

If these 'friends' can't be bothered why should you give up your own time

(97800, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 22:05, archived)

I like to drive into them and block everyone's passage until they have no choice but to let you go.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:38, archived)

You don't enter unless your exit is clear, unless the flow of other traffic is impending you , ie you can enter if turning right and the cars going straight are impending

( mongychops, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:55, archived)

It's literally ten degrees cooler than yesterday
And it's still quite hot out
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 20:24, archived)

Chilly here

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 21:11, archived)

Don't get me started.

(immadme, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 23:27, archived)

Check out Daft Punk's new single "Get Lucky" if you get the chance. Sound of the summer.

( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:18, archived)

thanks brian

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:20, archived)

Cheers

( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:26, archived)

I was in 'beefa when that come out
every bar & restaurant had it on repeat
interesting eh
( broadsword w⚓, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:24, archived)

well certainly did 'get lucky'
lol
( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:27, archived)

lol

( broadsword w⚓, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:28, archived)

did you kill yourself?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 12:04, archived)

I like that "choon".
There's always time for a bit of Daft Punk.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:30, archived)

French robot knobs

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:30, archived)

This is not the place to post your Christmas list.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:40, archived)

+ broomstiques

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 12:05, archived)

m.imgur.com/gallery/P4GWdds
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 12:44, archived)

there

( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:37, archived)

Big Booty Bitches

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:30, archived)

yes

( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:37, archived)

Filming again today.
Clarke Peters or Joan Armatrading fame. He was also in Notting hill. And the Wire. Great big Afro
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 8 Aug 2018, 12:21, archived)

cor!

( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 12:59, archived)

Dude, there are three eights in todays date, madness eh

( broadsword w⚓, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:35, archived)

three fat ladies!

( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:38, archived)

That's what I call my testicles

( broadsword w⚓, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:40, archived)

sfw
i.imgur.com/lB7wT8N.jpg
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:49, archived)

I call them that too :)
😉❤️🍆💦
( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 13:00, archived)

i'll take an eighth, what's the price?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 13:52, archived)

might do a faceswap for Drimble

( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 13:16, archived)

morning
Chesney Hawkes style
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 7:23, archived)

You're a morn not a boy

(97800, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 7:27, archived)

get in!

( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:06, archived)

alright, "billy ocean"

(97800, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:20, archived)

in where?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:29, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBqkBBfmcfU
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:28, archived)

dunno what to make of this

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:53, archived)

It is.
Today's recommended reading: Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:33, archived)

twink clone incest fanfic?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:53, archived)

Accept no substitute.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:57, archived)

Ah, Cheesey Whanks
morning
( broadsword w⚓, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:43, archived)

most people call them Quavers m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 8:53, archived)

can someone tell mongy that i've opened my presents now
thanks
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 10:14, archived)

About time

( mongychops, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 10:27, archived)

manolth's opened his presents now

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 10:31, archived)

thanks grrrmachne

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 10:38, archived)

i've been getting really bored of the game recently

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 10:38, archived)

same
but replace 'the game' with 'life'
( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 10:44, archived)

images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/91FnnNUmEgL._SX425_.jpg
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:02, archived)

with instant setup and easy play!
that's a lie
( $$ ✅, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:04, archived)

innit just

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 11:20, archived)

'The Manhattan Project' - good name for a cocktail bar, y/n?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:16, archived)

you could sell a Three Mile Island Iced Tea

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:20, archived)

Ooh, nice one.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 23:08, archived)

Nobody drinks Manhattan's anymore, or Harvey wallbangers

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:21, archived)

yeah nah fuck off

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 23:09, archived)

I've heard worse.
I like a good Rusty Nail, if we're talking cocktails.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:22, archived)

i miss the Glass Towers we used to get at cocktail nights in Bierex,
it was half a pint of spirits with an inch of soda on the top, i swear
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:24, archived)

Bloody hell.
David Hasselhoff apparently made quite the name for himself in London cocktail bars by ordering half-pints of neat vodka and downing them. This was before his daughter filmed him paralytically drunk on the bathroom floor at home trying to eat a burger and failing miserably.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:26, archived)

just as well his car could drive itself, really

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:27, archived)

KIT was the first functioning prototype for Uber, really.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:31, archived)

Uber but it also fights crime

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:31, archived)

Number one uber guy

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:34, archived)

I thought it was a kebab?
In my head it's a kebab, because it's funnier.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 23:09, archived)

After one or two I asked for a large vodka and orange in Spain and I got a half pint of vodka with a slice of orange, we lols

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:29, archived)

just as well you didn't ask for a large orange and vodka

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:30, archived)

I couldn't of drank tha

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:37, archived)

Ha.
A Bulgarian guy in a bar in Luxembourg told me that drinks measures in Russia started at a quadruple, but ordering that instantly marked you out as a girl.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:32, archived)

reminds me of a line in Crime and Punishment,
where it says he didn't want much to drink so he only had a wine glass full of vodka
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:34, archived)

Yep, this in a country where they give beer to alcoholics because anything under 10% by volume is classified as a soft drink.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:40, archived)

You should give beer to alcoholics it's what they want

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 22:05, archived)

they changed that law recently

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 7:37, archived)

Rusty Jimmy tails
( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:37, archived)

Regionallolz
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:44, archived)

Nail Venture
tail
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 7:36, archived)

I've heard worse

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 22:20, archived)

Glans Shat On Prod Rectum, more like

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 22:40, archived)

^ tries too hard, looks a 'tard.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 22:46, archived)

Sorry Broady, I'm going with dotyeti's verdict here.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 23:11, archived)

how about "Dr Manhattan's" and your signature cocktail could be a blue lagoon served in a glass shaped like a penus.
Best of luck with your new gay bar btw
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 23:12, archived)

Heh, penus.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 23:24, archived)

Meh, bindun, very nearly.
manhattansproject.com/
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 23:24, archived)

0 days until new thread

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 19:13, archived)

Alright

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 19:17, archived)

alright

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:10, archived)

PPEN YOUR PRESENTS YPU WOOKIE

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:38, archived)

Wh'appen.
I've just applied for a job at NATO. It took only three and a half hours.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 19:22, archived)

Cor! What doing? Or is it all, you know, very hush hush

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 19:33, archived)

Translator, innit.
I expect the actual stuff I'll be translating will be extremely hush-hush but we're not there yet. It was the usual palaver of update your CV - upload it to their jobs platform - re-enter all the info properly because their engine messed up the extraction - fill out a lengthy and arcane questionnaire and answer their cryptic questions to the best of your ability - submit.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 19:38, archived)

Nice

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 19:45, archived)

Psychological assessment will be needed too, I bet
"How likely is it that this person will be open to a bribe to abuse their position?"
(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:00, archived)

It's entirely possible.
As a h'upstandin' member of the community, I have nothing to hide, Ossifer.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:33, archived)

I very much doubt it, let me know if you have to because I've bet myself a grand you won't

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:38, archived)

Surely
if you've bet yourself, you can't lose?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:48, archived)

You don't know the odds :(

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:50, archived)

Please don't use NATO as an outlet for racism, or your post will be terminated and your country banned.

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 19:34, archived)

#natoo

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 19:37, archived)

I like this NATO, makes the watch pop, I can give you a history on the g10 strap aka NATO if it will help
imgur.com/a/jvh13Ug
( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:00, archived)

Why is it called NATO?
Is there any connection?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:38, archived)

Yeah, sort of, it was a nylon strap that different divisions had their colour put on , interesting that the bond NATO was before this but still striped, flemming or someone put him in it

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:41, archived)

It's all a bit of a conspiracy really.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:49, archived)

Watch nobs like that, been going on since the first every movement sundial had there time in the.....
Blankety blank
( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:53, archived)

a 3 and a half hour job?
hope it paid well
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:11, archived)

boom boom!

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:37, archived)

willy

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:16, archived)

you can't push willy round, willy won't go

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:21, archived)

I'll show you mine if you show me yours

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:24, archived)

k, gaz sent

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:25, archived)

nice
how wide can you open your mouth?
( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:33, archived)

I can fit both fists in at once, if that helps

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:39, archived)

this is turning out to be a good day

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:42, archived)

i.ytimg.com/vi/2t3jp0xrClQ/hqdefault.jpg
(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:54, archived)

thorne?!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:22, archived)

nah, just regular willy

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:24, archived)

free willy
collect in person only
(wankywankywankwank wankywankywankwank, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:59, archived)

Can I have it delivered by drone pls

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:00, archived)

yessss can't wait, the best day of the year \o/

( vladimir, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 20:52, archived)

Athens is currently trending in Athens.
Meta.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 21:15, archived)

140 days until Christmas

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:14, archived)

I've got my stocking up already :) :) :)

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:17, archived)

i've got SOMETHING up already

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:23, archived)

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:25, archived)

+my bum

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:39, archived)

yeah, it's going to be a challenge to keep it there 'til christmas

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:10, archived)

I believe in you

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:20, archived)

Oh boy, it's a pressie from Michel Barnier!!!
I wonder what he's got us
(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:17, archived)

figgi puddi is made already

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:20, archived)

I just ordered some British Army 24hr ration packs

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:21, archived)

yuck

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:23, archived)

it's for my next trip to the in-laws'

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:25, archived)

you won't shit for three days after eating those

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:28, archived)

good
they've got one of those horrendous communist toilets with the shelf for examining the poo you just did.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:33, archived)

the only person i have ever known that had those in his home turned out to be a paedo
just saying
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:23, archived)

so you hang around in paedo's houses?
just saying
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:24, archived)

i lived with one :(
didn't know it at the time
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:49, archived)

Alright bubbles

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:16, archived)

alright buttercup

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:22, archived)

My mate had some when he did dofe.
We eat the leftovers when we were mashed.

He told me they had bromide in them to stop the soldiers wanking and bumming each other in u he barracks. I went home and had a wank that night just to spite the army.

28 I was, etc.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:17, archived)

this post is immaculately constructed

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:23, archived)

^ prepper

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:24, archived)

Primitive Tech on youtube linked me to a load of survivalist nerds
who do blogs where they go out into the woods with an axe and a knife and try to survive the weekend. The running theme is they end up cold, wet, and hungry but say "well, this is what I expected but I learnt a lot for next time" and then there's no next time.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:28, archived)

Stockpiling provisions is probably a better plan for surviving the collapse of civilisation.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:31, archived)

Surviving post apocalypse seems a fate worse than death.
Just keep a bucket of water on hand so you can drown yourself in it.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:15, archived)

You can't tell me that Lord Humungus wasn't having a good time.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:19, archived)

channelling your inner bert gummer?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:40, archived)

I love that film

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:55, archived)

i've got the first 4
need to get hold of bloodlines, though
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:59, archived)

there are 5 of them?
fucking hell, each one must be shitness squared of the previous.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:19, archived)

I think there was a TV series, too.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:22, archived)

that was shit

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:30, archived)

Sequels and spin-offs are nearly always terrible.
One sequel is usually more than enough.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:37, archived)

true
although jason x is funny as hell for all the wrong reasons
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:43, archived)

I like a franchise that can laugh at itself.
I have a hard time believing that Jason Takes Space was meant to be taken seriously.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:53, archived)

oh, most likely not
but i first watched it with a few joints and a bottle of poppers, so i remember odd bits being really funny when they weren't
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:00, archived)

the graboids evolve in each one, except the fourth
which is about bert's grandad, also played by michael gross
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:26, archived)

See also: Hellraiser

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:27, archived)

i love my horror films, but hellraiser does nothing for me

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:31, archived)

The book's worth a read.
I love me some Clive Barker.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:35, archived)

might give it a look
i'm currently rereading castaway by lucy irvine
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:42, archived)

Hellbound Heart is more booklet than novel, so it won't take much time to whizz through.
Never heard of Lucy Irvine, but that sounds like an interesting story, if not a terrible idea.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:48, archived)

i love survivalist stories
she tells it in a very fanciful way, but that highlights just how strange she got being stuck there with just one man for a whole year
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:50, archived)

I'm always slightly disappointed that no one ever dies on the Bear Grylls programme.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:05, archived)

i like it when he gets hurt
ed stafford is much better
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:08, archived)

Walking the Amazon seems to be an exercise in willfully ignoring the invention of the boat.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:15, archived)

he's one of those mad buggers that need to push themselves
he's gonna die up a mountain one day, but until then, i'll keep watching him
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:18, archived)

I'm disappointed bear Grylls isn't about a youth hosting a BBQ for the mandem

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:10, archived)

Sorry, I don't speak young person.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:12, archived)

If you want to see people die
go over to LiveLeak
( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:12, archived)

I don't want to see people die, you sicko.
Just a postscript message during the credits would suffice.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:18, archived)

i e
eak 42

#livinitup
#dyinitdown
#lindup
( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 17:40, archived)

Christmas?
We've not even had Eid, yet!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:23, archived)

it's always eid somewhere!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:24, archived)

Just Eid it! Eid it!
Don't you make me repeat it!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:27, archived)

is it time for second Eid yet?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:25, archived)

you missed it

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:40, archived)

Eid ul fitr, yes, but it's Eid Al Adha, this month.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:45, archived)

eid, shoulders, knees and toes

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:48, archived)

Eidon't BELIEVE it

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:49, archived)

🎁🎁🎁🎄🎁🎁🎁🔔🎅🔔👼👼👼☃️
( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:39, archived)

But where's the emoji of Our Lord on the cross, that's what I want to know

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:41, archived)

☦
( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:48, archived)

bit orthodox, m8

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:05, archived)

shit whore blow cocks, more like

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:08, archived)

you nailed it

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:32, archived)

I've been staring at this, trying to work out what the Strikey-g is.
Damn you.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:21, archived)

The strikethrough was done by someone pissed so they had to have a second attempt

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:27, archived)

I reckon Christmas is overrated.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:57, archived)

More or less than anal sex?

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:00, archived)

Oh, more than anal.
I've had more disappointing Christmasses than I've had disappointing acts of anal sex.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:25, archived)

bah bumhug

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:10, archived)

do old dears still give GPs bottles of sherry at Christmas?

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:15, archived)

i think it's a bit frowned upon in this post-shipman era

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 14:51, archived)

yes if they know what's good for them

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:45, archived)

^shipman 2: electric boogaloo

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 15:59, archived)

the late Chris Hitchens (Christopher to his mates) famously said that champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics were overrated
any more you would like to add to that list?
( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:10, archived)

Nope, that about covers it

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:15, archived)

fancy going for a picnic? I've got lobster and champagne

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:16, archived)

sweet, I've got the lube, lets go

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:18, archived)

Neil Tennantzzzz

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:50, archived)

Sounds like a bit of a sourpuss to me.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:17, archived)

shoving a ghost pepper down your jap's eye

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:29, archived)

and The Beatles

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:29, archived)

^this

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:42, archived)

^that

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:43, archived)

they were actually pretty good and are probably rated about right
it's fine for you to not like them though
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:54, archived)

don't be so fucking stupid

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:22, archived)

Gang violence

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:41, archived)

I dunno, it's pretty moreish

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:22, archived)

They cut the monkey knife fight out of the simpsons just now, channel 4 doing their bit against knife crime

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:29, archived)

poor furious george

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:31, archived)

They showed that bit when burns gets home to him

( mongychops, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:46, archived)

they always cut the bit where mr burns calls u2 wankers

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:03, archived)

That's made it past the censors a few times.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:09, archived)

i know channel 4 had to apologise for it once

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:13, archived)

Love island
And any other of those so-called reality shows
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:43, archived)

They're a weird phenomenon.
I sort of understood the early days of big brother, as no one realised the huge potential fame outcome at the start, so it was almost genuine people watching. Since the rise of the reality celeb, everyone on those shows seems to have an agenda or desire to be noticed or at least we'll received by a certain group and it becomes such a parody of actual reality.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:46, archived)

I remember watching a bit of the original big brother, to see what the fuss was about.
It was a live broadcast, and they were all asleep.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:08, archived)

That was the House of Lords m8

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:17, archived)

It's all these Youtube Famous celebs that baffle me.
They are mainly popular among young kids though, moreso Americans.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:30, archived)

My kids have been bingeing on Collins Key, Merrell Twins and Thomas Sanders.
What a load of squawking shit. Sanders is occasionally funny, I suppose, but a 30 minute Vine compilation is basically torture.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:38, archived)

my niece and nephews keep going on about some cunt called dandtm
does my fucking nut in
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:42, archived)

Is that pronounced dandtm or dandtm?

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:43, archived)

no idea
but it's usually followed by "i don't want to fucking hear about him!"
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:44, archived)

Dan Tedium innit

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:14, archived)

Oh geez, Smash.
You need an egg.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:57, archived)

why?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:03, archived)

Ask Dr Trayaurus.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:07, archived)

ah. i've never played minecraft.

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:14, archived)

Oh geez.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:19, archived)

Star Wars, the MCU, and anything else made for kids yet popular among manchildren

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:49, archived)

Alright Dozer

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:49, archived)

$$

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:50, archived)

Children don't appreciate brightly coloured space battles on as many levels as I do.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:59, archived)

Or maybe you're a bitter Zak Snyder fan?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:01, archived)

One can only dream of taking the adventure of childhood as far as one possibly can.
You sour old cunt xx
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:31, archived)

Employment
Home ownership
Marriage
Kids
(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:57, archived)

word

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:01, archived)

let's call the whole thing off!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:02, archived)

Buffet food.
Although this is really just an extension of picnics.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:00, archived)

Hitchens, Dawkins & internet atheism

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:08, archived)

The Brights Movement is well lol.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:12, archived)

Worst prog ensemble EVER

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:13, archived)

I'd be well up for them covering Focus by Hocus Pocus though

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:24, archived)

I don't care for their views on atheism
but they are highly regarded in their primary careers
( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:39, archived)

Dawkins' biology work was alright,
but his speaking out for the rights of men to sexually harass women was excellent.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:18, archived)

his work is excellent, not alright

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:23, archived)

Narada Michael Walden

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 13:12, archived)

morning ®

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 7:26, archived)

The genuine article

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 7:29, archived)

the original and the best

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 7:32, archived)

i.imgur.com/vaE8cbj.jpg
(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 7:59, archived)

thanks meme lord

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:04, archived)

Cor, look at Señor Fancy-Pants with his special characters in the title field and everything.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 7:57, archived)

I wonder if you can get Alphabetti Spaghetti in Cyrillic

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 7:59, archived)

A quick googling would suggest not.
It also turned up a story about Cyrillic alphabet pasta being banned in 2009 because prisoners were using it to send messages, which savours of horseshit.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:03, archived)

your google fu is weak, old man
3a-market.ru/product/sup-azbuka-pripravych-60g/
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:05, archived)

Fancy that.
Something something arms are sweaty.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:20, archived)

Heroes in a half shell

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:24, archived)

Heinz Hieroglyphs in Scarab Sauce

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:10, archived)

Morning
Had a great sleep, makes up for the bad night I had Sunday night
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:26, archived)

Looking forward to this heatwave passing so I can sleep at night.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:47, archived)

I'll be glad to put the fan away for another year

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:55, archived)

One year I'll remember to buy a fan before it's too late.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:57, archived)

I got mine when I first moved in
Got almost £4k "inconvenience" money for being made to move. Went a bit nuts with the shopping and got very overheated, so I bought the fan.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:06, archived)

Sounds like a sensible investment.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:29, archived)

Got a free desk fan with it
So I gave that to my parents
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:50, archived)

with company, IYKWIMAITTYD?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:04, archived)

The company was on Saturday night

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:07, archived)

disgusting

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:38, archived)

Hello.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:30, archived)

hello emem
how's sunny luton?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:05, archived)

Sticky.
My kids are away at a council run activity week on a farm, so the missus can work on her dissertation in peace. Soon, she'll have some more letters after her name, to further emphasis my intellectual inferiority.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:20, archived)

Happy birthday Charlize Theron

( $$ ✅, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:45, archived)

I'm sure she lurks here.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:59, archived)

my favourite african american

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:05, archived)

morning 🕘

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 8:45, archived)

our survey said
EH-URRRRGGGHH
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:06, archived)

Cheers™

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:09, archived)

^Theresa ^May?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:14, archived)

Hard Brexit now

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:21, archived)

n in the sh
+ers
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:24, archived)

always

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:26, archived)

There was talk of "Thexit" on the radio, this morning,
which seems to have pushed that "suffix everything with exit" trend past breaking point.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:27, archived)

It's going to go the way of 'Watergate', or "let's suffix everything with '-gate'".

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:37, archived)

^ addicted to chocahol

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:38, archived)

Alright, The Onion.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:42, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7969835
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:51, archived)

Nutty Fucking Tart.

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 10:44, archived)

Watergexit.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:48, archived)

I've just read that you now need to show ID in order to buy Red Bull in the UK.
Can anyone confirm this insanity?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:49, archived)

n

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 9:52, archived)

lol, you'll be telling me that people over the age of 14 drink Monster Energy, next!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 10:06, archived)

Is that what you call your spunk?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 12:31, archived)

^fishing for underage b'threetens

(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 10:41, archived)

Shurely there's no such thing.
As if there were any actual new members around here.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 10:48, archived)

A newbie popped up on /faceswap the other day, but nobody welcomes them any more so I don't expect it will stick around
Broken beter
(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 10:52, archived)

If only Rob hadn't scrubbed the /talk link from the menu bar,
new people might actually find their way to where it's all happening around here.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:16, archived)

Perhaps a script could be written so we automatically produce marketable content.
Each thread could appear as a £30 teatowel design on CafePress, for instance.
(97800, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 11:28, archived)

Morning
Did everyone have a good wank?
(wankywankywankwank wankywankywankwank, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 7:11, archived)

Random encounters.
The other day I had to go into town to book tickets for something, and there was a guy sitting on the railings in the car park just opposite the tourist office. He didn't overtly look like a tramp or a wino, but he didn't seem to have anything better to do than to sit perched on those railings all day. As I walked past him, he waited until I was right next to him before standing up, raising a declamatory hand and saying "Long live prostitutes!".

Made a change from "Spare any change, please?".
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 17:38, archived)

Have you considered not dressing like a prostitute?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 18:05, archived)

Where's the fun in that?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 18:20, archived)

he said viva les prostates, you cloth-eared bum-prodder

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 18:13, archived)

You've basically spent all day today reliving your glory days as a trainee journo for 'FHM' circa 1999, haven't you?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 18:29, archived)

my NUJ membership expired in 2003
so close enough
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 21:22, archived)

wink wink NUJ NUJ

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 7 Aug 2018, 0:26, archived)

Prostitutes are popular targets for serial killers
Maybe he was trying to establish an alibi
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 18:22, archived)

Do you think he was trying to gauge my interest in coming along as a partner in killing?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 18:30, archived)

Quite possibly
Do you carry a hammer?
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 18:56, archived)

It is the brother-in-arms of my sickle, comrade!

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 18:58, archived)

A sickle, eh?
You could be the whore reaper
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 19:06, archived)

Even better, The Quim Reaper

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 19:18, archived)

I like this.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 19:45, archived)

I'm now thinking about writing a book about a would- be serial killer
And calling him The Quim Reaper
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 20:19, archived)

Or a 60 year old BBC rap DJ who won't stop crying

(97800, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 20:27, archived)

I refuse to have anything to do with rap

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 20:32, archived)

Or the time that Peter Shilton got replaced with a can of scouring powder

(97800, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 20:31, archived)

Or a defender who eats sparingly

(97800, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 20:46, archived)

That opens you up to accusations of causing body dysphoria

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 20:59, archived)

I can't say I actually get any of these references,
but they are curiously entertaining nonetheless.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 21:19, archived)

Another pint and I'll find anything entertaining

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 21:28, archived)

ooooh. O.o
I'll have to check this statement for truth.

Brace yourself.
(97800, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 21:41, archived)

That's what he said

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 21:52, archived)

There are a number of people on Wikipedia who seem convinced that Les Dennis died two days ago and that his page should be updated to reflect this.

(97800, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 21:55, archived)

Alright, Pyotr Sutcliffe

(97800, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 19:25, archived)

He'

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 19:46, archived)

I've just been to the dentist
and it was all attractive young Polish women wearing uniforms and they rubbed my mouth with their fingers a lot and now I can't feel my lips.

What are your teeth like?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 15:10, archived)

Stronger than a shield of steel.
I've got great teeth, me.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 15:23, archived)

They fell out years ago, got them replaced with little ceramic tombstones

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 15:25, archived)

They're like used for eating and stuff.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 15:26, archived)

like yours, but not fucked

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 15:27, archived)

dunno m8, never given them much thought.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 15:31, archived)

Can someone else start a new thread please, this one is shit and rubbish.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 16:12, archived)

4 teeth removed due to lack of space, 2 wisdoms out,
mostly straight thanks to having braces, but my bottom front teeth went a bit wonky after I destroyed my retainer in my sleep.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 16:19, archived)

that mcbeef/morning thread mashup turned out dogshit
What mashups would be fewer shit?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:24, archived)

might make the strikey-g party a real thing
basically our policies would be whatever the other parties' policies are, but struck through to be stuff about wees and poos.

i mean, that buckethead guy made the news. and bez's party never got off the ground because he forgot to register it, so i can surely do better than those cunts.
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:33, archived)

al murrary barely got any votes when he went up against Farage in Thanet tho

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:37, archived)

I don't think you're supposed to vote for these candidates.
They're just there to mock the serious ones.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:41, archived)

monster mun... *vomits*
monster munch is r...AAAARGH *blood trickles out of ears*

monster munch is *on floor now, visibly dying* r... r... ri... right
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:35, archived)

Sorry, everyone.
IOU one manolith.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:05, archived)

you couldn't afford even half a manolith

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 14:16, archived)

I got a genuine munolith from the pound shop.
No one will notice the difference.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 14:26, archived)

^Kryten

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:05, archived)

hahahahahahahahaha :D

( vladimir, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 22:20, archived)

"we must respect the wee of the people"

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:43, archived)

mashup and sausageup

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:34, archived)

mateys bath gel should come in a potato, pea and onion fragrance
Bubblebath and squeak
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:39, archived)

Reddit & Mumsnet
TIL DH & DMIL held an AMA, and then went to Centerparcs
( broadsword w⚓, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:34, archived)

AIBU calling you a libtard cuck?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:38, archived)

YANBU

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:42, archived)

not sure

( $$ ✅, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:38, archived)

Les Dennis confirmed

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:39, archived)

chips/gravy

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:40, archived)

I like mustard on my chips

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:44, archived)

Freak.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 11:52, archived)

Filth

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:03, archived)

Garlic mayo or gtfo.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:42, archived)

anyone who uses garlic when cooking deserves to have their feet cut off and boiled into soup.
/ac
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:04, archived)

^ sparkles in the sunshine

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:07, archived)

All those years of unseasoned potato dumplings have clearly turned you senile.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:39, archived)

Rhubarb crumble and ice cream

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:04, archived)

that's not a mashup, you simpleton
unless you're mashing it up because you've got no teeth, you horrendous crack whore
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:06, archived)

My teeth are perfect and straight
You could mash it up to stick into sausage casings and make rhubarb crumble and ice cream sausages. Hipsters would fucking love them
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:29, archived)

my wife's region does sausage skins stuffed with mashed potato
but then it also does sausage meat wrapped in a mashed potato ball and then boiled. It's a potato-dense diet up there.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:34, archived)

That whole area is very big on potatoes

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:04, archived)

the Poland/Belarus/Lithuania corner in particular

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:06, archived)

does your wife's region get a lot of visitors?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 14:11, archived)

sounds like a lot of sausages get stuffed there

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 14:11, archived)

you get the gist, your wife is a whore

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 14:14, archived)

Thanks for posting that. I was going to make a comment about stuffing sausages into his wife's region but decided I wasn't enough of a prick.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 14:36, archived)

but you were too slow, you mean
your prickery is off the charts and you know it
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 14:39, archived)

^ prick with a fork
Haha, because sausages, hahahaha!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 14:58, archived)

bodger/badger

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:13, archived)

^loves mashed potatoes

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:30, archived)

isn't he dead ?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:30, archived)

Sadly, yes.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:55, archived)

tuberculosis culling gone too far :(

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:06, archived)

penus/helmit

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:22, archived)

^docker

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:35, archived)

RIP Joël Robuchon.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 12:51, archived)

Debby Does 101 Dalmations

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:33, archived)

good on her

( $$ ✅, Mon 6 Aug 2018, 13:38, archived)

evening

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 20:54, archived)

pre-morning

(97800, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 21:03, archived)

Evening mano

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 21:06, archived)

alright

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 21:14, archived)

herpsofnc.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/14309915785_56bdc9e9b3_b.jpg
( mongychops, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 21:18, archived)

Very sad about Barry Chuckle RIP. He meant a lot to me. To you. To me.

(Planearm, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 21:52, archived)

oh dear oh dear oh dear

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 21:53, archived)

He means nothing to me

(97800, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 22:02, archived)

A man who rocked the porno stache 30 years after it was cool should be revered

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 22:10, archived)

totally pushing that prick down the board

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 13:47, archived)

Bad point: the bus and some cycling event made me miss Indiana Jones and the temple of doom at the cinema.
Good point: I went to a pub and saw that Orbital and Plaid are playing in George Square Friday, and bought a ticket for that.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 14:45, archived)

why don't any of the local shops sell any fucking soap

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:11, archived)

When in Greece, do as the grecians do

( mongychops, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:26, archived)

i'm not in Greece

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:31, archived)

Tell me more

(97800, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:34, archived)

i set my Twitter trends to Athens so that i wouldn't be able to read them.
It has only partially worked.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:35, archived)

Ok , seek help you nob

( mongychops, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:41, archived)

yeah might take a course in Greek

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:44, archived)

what's a grecian urn?

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:46, archived)

it's kind of like a vase with handles on it

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:48, archived)

so it's like a jug?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 17:00, archived)

sort of but without a spout,
so not much use for pouring out of with any degree of accuracy
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 17:01, archived)

Ceramic trophy, covered in pictures of naked bearded sportsmen no doubt

(97800, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 17:03, archived)

yeah they used to like that sort of thing

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 17:05, archived)

the original wwe

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 18:12, archived)

do you think it was completely staged back then, as well

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 18:17, archived)

I reckon that bull-headed man in his maze and the snake-haired lady were probably costumes, audiences weren't so sophisticated back then
Nowadays being more critical you'd see right through it
(97800, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 20:05, archived)

probably

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 20:53, archived)

2 bob a week

( mongychops, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 17:24, archived)

x

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 18:12, archived)

Just got home after dropping the kids off
Fun day at the beach and cinema, hotel transylvania 3 was surprisingly good.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 17:39, archived)

Fuck me.
Barry Chuckle's dead.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 5 Aug 2018, 9:05, archived)

I hope the pallbearers do a "to me, to you " tribute with his coffin

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 9:12, archived)

:(

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 9:28, archived)

I saw the news
I came straight here. I need to be surrounded by you sick cunts to feel how is the best way to react.

Also: Morning!
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 9:56, archived)

Apparently they accidentally
saved someone from being molested by the hairy cornflake.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 5 Aug 2018, 10:39, archived)

I heard of that
Good chaps
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 10:45, archived)

yeah i saw, it's trending in Athens

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 13:01, archived)

The funny one always dies first.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 13:41, archived)

anyone else here remember when there were four Chuckle brothers?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 14:00, archived)

You're thinking of the Gibbs

(97800, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 14:34, archived)

no i'm not
www.capitalfm.com/news/four-chuckle-brothers/
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:04, archived)

I am now :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 16:45, archived)

There was a gibb family at my school.
They were one of those ones with lots of kids that all looked a bit too alike and only really differed in size, like ginger speccy Russian dolls.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 5 Aug 2018, 14:43, archived)

Alright nerds.

Late Saturday evening thread. What sounds you got going on? I'm currently spinning North Manchester's Kong - Snake Magnet. You can really tell it's from North Manchester. You can just tell.
(Enron Hubbard had a big meaty piss on, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 23:08, archived)

I went to the library
Do librarians still do the "Shhhhhh!"?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 15:33, archived)

They usually say "that hasn't come back yet"

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 15:50, archived)

Yet again, Pato goes away dejected

(97800, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 20:14, archived)

Probably just tell the tramps not to look at grumble on the computers.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 16:53, archived)

Yes, just before they let their hair down and swoosh it about and then taking off their glasses and saying do me now, behind the non-fiction

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 17:08, archived)

I'm done

( mongychops, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 17:50, archived)

Really good example of this in The Big Sleep, although I think it's technically a book store.
Anyway she does that, produces a half bottle of scotch and it fades to black in what's heyes code for 'bogie spent the night knocking the back out of her'.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 18:25, archived)

don't get that with a kindle, do you

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 19:24, archived)

64k intro compo coming up,
i take it you're all watching the Assembly live stream that's why it's so slow today..
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 17:57, archived)

I'm probably going to pop over in a couple of weeks.
Ain't decided who I'm going to see apart from Eleanor Tiernan.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 18:26, archived)

you're going to Finland?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 18:29, archived)

he's going to finger glans, more like

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 18:42, archived)

lololololol
seriously though what's it all got to do with 64k compos
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 18:54, archived)

i dunno what either of you are on about

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 19:23, archived)

fuckin Assembly
www.assembly.org/summer18/
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 19:27, archived)

nice link, mgt

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 19:32, archived)

altho there's Datastorm on on the same weekend
which seems like a bit of bad planning
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 19:50, archived)

only if you're having sex with Narada Michael Walden

( $$ ✅, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 21:18, archived)

What is this even supposed to be?
A joke? A reference to something or other? What?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 22:30, archived)

a pigeon

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 4 Aug 2018, 22:43, archived)