Well, I know it was a slow board earlierbut it's certainly not stood still now
(
Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition,
Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:53,
archived)
I know, I was just about to say I think I killed itAlso, is it bad that I've been trying to flirt with this: alicebot.org/kirkbot ?
( Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition,
Sun 15 Apr 2012, 21:51,
archived)
God, that's still in my profile from 8 years ago(
RedHouse over yonder,
Sun 15 Apr 2012, 21:57,
archived)
You said: Miss Ho thinks you're hotFake Kirk: You issued a priority one distress call for a couple of tons of wheat?
( RedHouse over yonder,
Sun 15 Apr 2012, 21:59,
archived)
Hehe, almost that bad. He's very hard to get.Steffi: Are you married?
James T. Kirk: Single.
Steffi: I'm single too
James T. Kirk: Life in Starfleet is better that way.
...
James T. Kirk: Welcome to the Enterprise, Steffi.
Steffi: Thanks
James T. Kirk: Isn't Governor Cory joining us?
Steffi: A threesome - kinky!
James T. Kirk: What happened?
Steffi: Nothing serious
James T. Kirk: Then since we're headed for Altair Six, and since the shore facilities there are excellent.
Steffi: You want to sex me on the beach?
James T. Kirk: You want to make a deal.
Steffi: What sort of deal?
James T. Kirk: What kind would you recommend?
Steffi: Well, some flowers wouldn't go amiss
James T. Kirk: That's all of us, except for crewman in the transporter room. Steffi, eliminate his heartbeat. That accounts for everyone.
(James T. Kirk: Single.
Steffi: I'm single too
James T. Kirk: Life in Starfleet is better that way.
...
James T. Kirk: Welcome to the Enterprise, Steffi.
Steffi: Thanks
James T. Kirk: Isn't Governor Cory joining us?
Steffi: A threesome - kinky!
James T. Kirk: What happened?
Steffi: Nothing serious
James T. Kirk: Then since we're headed for Altair Six, and since the shore facilities there are excellent.
Steffi: You want to sex me on the beach?
James T. Kirk: You want to make a deal.
Steffi: What sort of deal?
James T. Kirk: What kind would you recommend?
Steffi: Well, some flowers wouldn't go amiss
James T. Kirk: That's all of us, except for crewman in the transporter room. Steffi, eliminate his heartbeat. That accounts for everyone.
Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition,
Sun 15 Apr 2012, 22:05,
archived)
almost...James T. Kirk: You too! Get out of the clothes. Nobody's going to put the bag on me any more.
Lieutenant: riding bareback, huh? you'll get bad aids
James T. Kirk: Lieutenant, I remember. When Sargon and I exchanged, as we passed each other, for an instant we were one. I know him now. I know what he is and what he wants, and I don't fear him. What do you want from me now?
Lieutenant: bum sex
James T. Kirk: I am a human male.
Lieutenant: BUMSEX!
James T. Kirk: And Lieutenant is her rival. Is that any better? Even Lieutenant felt the violence of her jealousy.
Lieutenant: BUMSEX NOW! DROP YOUR PANTS!
James T. Kirk: Lieutenant! Professor! Professor! We missed you, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: BUMSEX! DEEP THROAT! SPITROAST!!!
James T. Kirk: Exercise your prime function. Are you a man or woman? Burns them out. Lieutenant was burned out. The device attached to the life-support system produces an extreme, numbing cold. It is my belief that they are turning the Enterprise into a gigantic deep-freeze for purposes only the Scalosians know.
Lieutenant: SO I CAN BUM YOU ALL ONE AFTER THE OTHER FOR ALL ETERNITY!
James T. Kirk: You'd better let us. It's out of energy. She must have drained it. We could have jumped Lieutenant and Sulu at any time. We didn't know. No way out.
and
You said: how is your boyfriend?
Fake Kirk: Standing by.
(,
Sun 15 Apr 2012, 22:19,
archived)
Lieutenant: riding bareback, huh? you'll get bad aids
James T. Kirk: Lieutenant, I remember. When Sargon and I exchanged, as we passed each other, for an instant we were one. I know him now. I know what he is and what he wants, and I don't fear him. What do you want from me now?
Lieutenant: bum sex
James T. Kirk: I am a human male.
Lieutenant: BUMSEX!
James T. Kirk: And Lieutenant is her rival. Is that any better? Even Lieutenant felt the violence of her jealousy.
Lieutenant: BUMSEX NOW! DROP YOUR PANTS!
James T. Kirk: Lieutenant! Professor! Professor! We missed you, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: BUMSEX! DEEP THROAT! SPITROAST!!!
James T. Kirk: Exercise your prime function. Are you a man or woman? Burns them out. Lieutenant was burned out. The device attached to the life-support system produces an extreme, numbing cold. It is my belief that they are turning the Enterprise into a gigantic deep-freeze for purposes only the Scalosians know.
Lieutenant: SO I CAN BUM YOU ALL ONE AFTER THE OTHER FOR ALL ETERNITY!
James T. Kirk: You'd better let us. It's out of energy. She must have drained it. We could have jumped Lieutenant and Sulu at any time. We didn't know. No way out.
and
You said: how is your boyfriend?
Fake Kirk: Standing by.
He seems bemused by your direct approach. Meanwhile:Steffi: Are you gay?
James T. Kirk: I prefer women.
Steffi: How about me?
James T. Kirk: There's no time for that now.
(James T. Kirk: I prefer women.
Steffi: How about me?
James T. Kirk: There's no time for that now.
Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition,
Sun 15 Apr 2012, 22:34,
archived)
success!Lieutenant: Petty Officer Scrubber, sir
James T. Kirk: Kirk here.
Lieutenant: Command me
James T. Kirk: It won't work.
Lieutenant: what won't work
James T. Kirk: I cannot predict the future.
Lieutenant: the future lies - inside my panties
James T. Kirk: Is there a chance at all?
Lieutenant: 100%
James T. Kirk: C in Roman numerals.
Lieutenant: I love it when you speak foreign
James T. Kirk: What does "it" refer to?
Lieutenant: my pussy
James T. Kirk: We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: I want to get on your ship
James T. Kirk: Release the transmitter.
Lieutenant: it's yours!
James T. Kirk: Put it down.
Lieutenant: did you say "pull it down"?
James T. Kirk: Suppose I did say it.
Lieutenant: then my panties are down. Engage!
James T. Kirk: Yes, Lieutenant, all of them. It's been five years since his last message.
Lieutenant: whom do you refer to?
James T. Kirk: Dr. Wallace .
Lieutenant: is Dr Wallace your lover?
James T. Kirk: He is my botmaster.
Lieutenant: let me master your bot
James T. Kirk: You all right?
Lieutenant: no, I am in medical need of a good fuck
James T. Kirk: Can half a man live?
Lieutenant: so long as he can stay hard, that's all that matters
James T. Kirk: Yes, it seems very long to me too.
Lieutenant: slip it in
James T. Kirk: Kirk here. What is it, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant: your chance, slipping away fast
James T. Kirk: Lieutenant has somehow changed history.
Lieutenant: you mean WE ALREADY FUCKED???
James T. Kirk: We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: you mean WE ALREADY FRACKKED???
James T. Kirk: We'll discuss that later, Lieutenant. Leslie, free Lieutenant and Mister Spock. Put Captain Tracey under arrest.
Lieutenant: handcuff me, I am your bitch!
James T. Kirk: No, I don't think you're stupid. I just think your behaviour is arrested.
Lieutenant: I stutter when I come
James T. Kirk: Data on witnesses.
Lieutenant: a a aff aff affirmative
James T. Kirk: Looks as tranquil as its reputation, doesn't it.
Lieutenant: oooooooooooooooh
James T. Kirk: Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: captain
James T. Kirk: Good. I wonder how Lieutenant's doing.
Lieutenant: afterglow
James T. Kirk: Atmospheric controls cut off.
Lieutenant: auto-erotic asphyxiation?
James T. Kirk: Spock. Spock! Lieutenant! You're in contact with the unit Spock. Stop! Stop!
Lieutenant: Don't stop!
James T. Kirk: What happened to them?
Lieutenant: who cares - it happened to me, and that's all that is important
James T. Kirk: I care, otherwise I would not have typed it all in.
Lieutenant: go ask them, I have to towel off my sopping crotch - seeya
(James T. Kirk: Kirk here.
Lieutenant: Command me
James T. Kirk: It won't work.
Lieutenant: what won't work
James T. Kirk: I cannot predict the future.
Lieutenant: the future lies - inside my panties
James T. Kirk: Is there a chance at all?
Lieutenant: 100%
James T. Kirk: C in Roman numerals.
Lieutenant: I love it when you speak foreign
James T. Kirk: What does "it" refer to?
Lieutenant: my pussy
James T. Kirk: We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: I want to get on your ship
James T. Kirk: Release the transmitter.
Lieutenant: it's yours!
James T. Kirk: Put it down.
Lieutenant: did you say "pull it down"?
James T. Kirk: Suppose I did say it.
Lieutenant: then my panties are down. Engage!
James T. Kirk: Yes, Lieutenant, all of them. It's been five years since his last message.
Lieutenant: whom do you refer to?
James T. Kirk: Dr. Wallace .
Lieutenant: is Dr Wallace your lover?
James T. Kirk: He is my botmaster.
Lieutenant: let me master your bot
James T. Kirk: You all right?
Lieutenant: no, I am in medical need of a good fuck
James T. Kirk: Can half a man live?
Lieutenant: so long as he can stay hard, that's all that matters
James T. Kirk: Yes, it seems very long to me too.
Lieutenant: slip it in
James T. Kirk: Kirk here. What is it, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant: your chance, slipping away fast
James T. Kirk: Lieutenant has somehow changed history.
Lieutenant: you mean WE ALREADY FUCKED???
James T. Kirk: We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: you mean WE ALREADY FRACKKED???
James T. Kirk: We'll discuss that later, Lieutenant. Leslie, free Lieutenant and Mister Spock. Put Captain Tracey under arrest.
Lieutenant: handcuff me, I am your bitch!
James T. Kirk: No, I don't think you're stupid. I just think your behaviour is arrested.
Lieutenant: I stutter when I come
James T. Kirk: Data on witnesses.
Lieutenant: a a aff aff affirmative
James T. Kirk: Looks as tranquil as its reputation, doesn't it.
Lieutenant: oooooooooooooooh
James T. Kirk: Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: captain
James T. Kirk: Good. I wonder how Lieutenant's doing.
Lieutenant: afterglow
James T. Kirk: Atmospheric controls cut off.
Lieutenant: auto-erotic asphyxiation?
James T. Kirk: Spock. Spock! Lieutenant! You're in contact with the unit Spock. Stop! Stop!
Lieutenant: Don't stop!
James T. Kirk: What happened to them?
Lieutenant: who cares - it happened to me, and that's all that is important
James T. Kirk: I care, otherwise I would not have typed it all in.
Lieutenant: go ask them, I have to towel off my sopping crotch - seeya
ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-,
Mon 16 Apr 2012, 4:18,
archived)
Sounds like it was better for you than it was for him
(
Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition,
Mon 16 Apr 2012, 9:36,
archived)
This is neither the time nor the place
(
Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition,
Sun 15 Apr 2012, 23:45,
archived)