From the Celebrity Mutants challenge. See all 461 entries (closed)

(Prawnsoda posted this on, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:04, archived)

oh dear christ
and i thought hillary below was bad
(emcake putting a donk on it since, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:05, archived)

Her third breast is in a strange place...
Woo!

( Fresh Water Mole - loves his baby boy more and more each day, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:05, archived)

Pfft!
Would!
( LeightonJimbo underestimated how much hard work a PGCE is, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:05, archived)

How?

( Wobbly Bloke is wishing everyone a Merry Christmas on, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:06, archived)

Cut a fleshy love-tunnel.
Commence sexyfun.
( Spider Riviera Crankenstein: The beast is unleashed!, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:07, archived)

Plus the fact that she still has a mouth no?

( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 15 May 2008, 12:08, archived)

Aye.
If you're comfortable putting your schlong near her teeth.
( Spider Riviera Crankenstein: The beast is unleashed!, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:09, archived)

Meh!
I would have about 10 years ago....
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 15 May 2008, 12:12, archived)

You'd be safe,
she never eats anything anyway.
( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:14, archived)

and two ears
and eye sockets
( Wobbly Bloke is wishing everyone a Merry Christmas on, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:20, archived)

OK...
Would! Couldn't.
( LeightonJimbo underestimated how much hard work a PGCE is, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:08, archived)

Bagpiping
always good for orifice-lacking partners.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:09, archived)

*looks up on urbandictionary*
*shudders*
( The Zombie Pirate of Dr. Blackwolf is sucking diesel on, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:11, archived)

Apparently it's very nice.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:12, archived)

Maybe...
but can it beat a soapy tit-wank?
( The Zombie Pirate of Dr. Blackwolf is sucking diesel on, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:13, archived)

I don't think many things can.
Breasts were made to be wet and soapy.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:14, archived)

.......
*runs off for wank cold shower*
( The Zombie Pirate of Dr. Blackwolf is sucking diesel on, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:15, archived)

Except tiny ones
I would imagine that'd just stop you getting purchase, as it were.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:16, archived)

True.
But that would be classed as a soapy tit rub, though, wouldn't it?
( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 12:25, archived)

Well you're very right.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:26, archived)

Asymetry has always been my problem.
I'm considering surgery to have more left added.
( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 12:28, archived)

Asymmetry is NORMAL. It is the way of things.
Your feet aren't the same size as each other, men's bollocks aren't.... etc.

Are you a lady then?
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:32, archived)

Nope.
I just lean funny.
( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 12:33, archived)

Ah.
Well, yes, asymmetry is normal. Anybody looking for a perfectly symmetrical partner will be consigned to either the realdoll waiting list or a plastic surgeon's post-op waiting room. FFS.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:35, archived)

Oh absoloutley.
Perfect symmetry is largely a photoshop trick, these days. With models eyes being fliped from one side of their face to the other, etc.
( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 12:43, archived)

Exactly.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:44, archived)

Being a flatfish, with my mouth on the side of my head
I'm no stranger to asymmetry.
( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 12:47, archived)

No. Definately not.
Especialy if it's a stubbley armpit.
( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 12:14, archived)

Reminds me a little of
something I watched on channel 4 once

*shudders and bokes*
( The Zombie Pirate of Dr. Blackwolf is sucking diesel on, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:34, archived)

*does the same*
BUT WHY!?!!?
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 15 May 2008, 12:13, archived)

^This
But *laughs*
( LeightonJimbo underestimated how much hard work a PGCE is, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:13, archived)

^ Does that ^
*shudders and then laughs*

Joe bagpiped a french woman and had armpit hair stuck to his penis

( Wobbly Bloke is wishing everyone a Merry Christmas on, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:23, archived)

For fear of boking,
Bagpiping?
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 15 May 2008, 12:12, archived)

Shagging your partner's armpit.
Stand in front of partner, get them to put their arm by their side having lubed their armpit and slide your little nozzle in.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:12, archived)

You sound like you may have let Mr Wow perform this! ;)

( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 15 May 2008, 12:18, archived)

Not Mr Wow.
My ex was very into trying new things, though. Including 'where you can fuck ladies that isn't the usual places if they get themselves into uncomfortable positions'.

Bah.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:19, archived)

Freak!

( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 15 May 2008, 12:20, archived)

ear sex?

( Smash the halls with boughs of Monkey i'm the only christmas cracker you need, baby, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:20, archived)

Never done, people can get the FUCK AWAY FROM MY EARS.
I'm deaf enough already.

Knee sex though.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:21, archived)

i love ears
especially big ears. i'd like nothing better than to nibble on martin clunes' lugs.
( Smash the halls with boughs of Monkey i'm the only christmas cracker you need, baby, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:23, archived)

He looks like my dad, but only when my dad is drunk.
So no, no clunes for me. Or Morrisey, the twat (yeah, both of them).

Caroline Aherne'd get it though.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:24, archived)

my dad looks like
the bastard offspring of david jason and jack nicholson, with added eyebags.
( Smash the halls with boughs of Monkey i'm the only christmas cracker you need, baby, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:31, archived)

Your dad sounds quite lush.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:32, archived)

he is a fucking ugmo.
what my mother ever saw in him, i don't know.
( Smash the halls with boughs of Monkey i'm the only christmas cracker you need, baby, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:35, archived)

You said the Jack word.
Now all I see is Jack.



Mmmmm.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:37, archived)

jack?
jackjackjack
jackjackjack
jackjackjack
( Smash the halls with boughs of Monkey i'm the only christmas cracker you need, baby, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:43, archived)

Fucking hell.
Even when he's 90 I will still be totally fine with jumping his bones.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:45, archived)

when he's 90
that's all he'll have left!
( Smash the halls with boughs of Monkey i'm the only christmas cracker you need, baby, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:56, archived)

I had that last time I went to Newcastle.

( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:23, archived)

Right
now having said my post OUT LOUD AT WORK in a Geordie accent I'm still RISsing.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:24, archived)

hahahaha
Nee as in no. I'll get my coat.
( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:27, archived)

Scotish you silly man ;)

( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 15 May 2008, 12:32, archived)

I was wondering.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:32, archived)

My ex used to like it in her ear
Every time I pushed Mr Winky towards her mouth, she turn her head to the side so it went in her ear...

www.instantrimshot.com/
(Vinegar strokes Why don't cows wear bras?, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:57, archived)

Hahaha

( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 13:01, archived)

^ Oh, a woo to this.
I used to like bus stops. While the busses were still running. Mind you, you had to not check the timetable ftw.
( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 12:30, archived)

Hahaha
I haven't heard anyone use that term for years.
( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 12:13, archived)

*hums Mull of Kintyre knowingly*

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:14, archived)

A point actually
Do you also have to made strange wailing sounds to the tune of Auld Lang Syne?
(emcake putting a donk on it since, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:18, archived)

OCH WAILYWAILYWAILY
Sorry. Wee Free Captain, there.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:20, archived)

jings!
nac mac feegle wahey!
( Smash the halls with boughs of Monkey i'm the only christmas cracker you need, baby, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:22, archived)

I'd make an awesome Kelda.
I'm PERFECT for it. Except for the lack of Scottish. I'll just have to hold onto one.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:23, archived)

i wouldn't!
i can boss men about until the cows come home, but i couldn't handle having hundreds of kids!
*shudders*
( Smash the halls with boughs of Monkey i'm the only christmas cracker you need, baby, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:34, archived)

I've been to Edinburgh once.
Wanna hold mine? ;)
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Ph.D., Thu 15 May 2008, 12:35, archived)

Niiiiiiice try.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:38, archived)

I shall from this day forth be unable to think about Mull of Kintyre...
Without thinking of armpit sexytime.
( Halibut Ornithology. Just an excuse to Google "Great Tits", Thu 15 May 2008, 12:19, archived)

Pfft, I never could.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:20, archived)

she's a fucking mutant
without any photoshopping
(asciifaceofbob meh, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:06, archived)

^six tons of this

( Smash the halls with boughs of Monkey i'm the only christmas cracker you need, baby, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:06, archived)

This scares me

( Random Image Yes, yes, I'll speak to you on Monday, Thu 15 May 2008, 12:10, archived)