At university...
A flat mates 19th birthday took a few strange turns...

To set the scene, we had two weirdos in our flat, Ben (who's birthday it was) and Toby (Real names supplied on request).

So out we go, round a few pubs and then on to Rasputins, the dodgy vodka bar in Swansea. Cue large amounts of randomnly flavoured vodka being drunk.

Ben by this time is hideously drunk, yet instead of vomiting, he sits in the toilet in Rasputins for about half hour having a shit. Hmmm.

Whilst this is going on, Toby gets his knife out and starts demonstrating his "superior" reactions by doing the hand on the table / stabbing the knife between the fingers trick.

Russell decides (in a drunken state) that he can do it do, however gets his little knife out, says "fuck that, I'm hard too, watch this" and promptly stabs himself quite deeply on his forearm. Blood squirting, still grinning, I have him outside, hand on the centimetre deep hole, surrounded by blood he tells me proudly he's feeling dizzy...

So then, Ben staggers out the toilet. At this stage, we feel the need to get him and Russ home. Over to the taxi rank, where Ben promptly runs to the toilet again. Yawn...

Taxi comes, back to flat, Ben's in the toilet again having another shit (we still haven't figured out where it all came from).

Dump him on his bed, don't worry any more about it.

Morning comes. 12 o'clock, we decide to check on Ben. As we open his door, the smell hits us, as we turn on the light, a horrible sight strikes us.

3 separate piles of shit on the floor. Shit in the bin. Vomit on the floor. a hand print of shit on his pillow. He's rolling in the stuff.

He was an arrogant twat as well, this shut him up for a long time. Funniest was that he also called his mum to come help him clean his room.
( icezebra *insert large monkey*, Fri 19 Mar 2004, 13:06, Reply)