I'm extremely bad at complaining, whether in person or via missive.
For several reasons.

One: I become incoherent when angry. Or indeed on any occasion I don't have three-quarters of an hour to think through and edit my responses. Thus an initial complaint from me would be something along the lines of "What the hell? Deal with this bollocks now you stupid...what the fuck are you on about? Why can't I...you know what, cock off. I'll be...I'm going elsewhere. And give me my money back."

Unlikely to produce any sort of positive result, I think you'll agree.

Two: I swear. Loudly. And a lot. Let's amend that previous statement.
"What the shitfucking rectal discharge? Deal with this utter fucking bollocks now you cross-eyed badger-buggerer....what the festering fuckhell are you wasting your stupid, rancid breath on? Why can't... you know what, shove yourself up your own arse. I'm going anyfucking where the fuck else, you cunt of a moron of a fucking rectal boil. And give me my money back"

Any minimal results from before, subtract.

Three: I have a very short attention span for anything that involves negotiating with officialdom. In the time it takes me to think this sort of thing through, I've already stopped caring. Final edit: reduce the complaint I detailed to a single internal monologue, saying
"God cocking damn it...actually, whatever. It's only £1.27 / £94 / £1,138.50. I'm off to have a cigarette."
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 15:31, 9 replies)

I think the fact people can't be arsed
is actually used in pricing calculations.

Even when it's made easy, people can't be bothered.

Apparently there is a website where you can claim for delayed journeys on the London Underground. By all accounts it makes a normally long winded process into little more than a 2 minute form to fill in.

Even so, off the top of my head there are potentially £20 million of claims per year, and this site handles about £100k. 0.5% of people can be bothered.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 16:16, closed)

You are Bernard AICMFP.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:13, closed)

Bernard....?
I hear the fashionable thing is to be Bert these days. I'm not him either though.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:47, closed)

I prefer your cognomen as ‘Dole Tossrag’

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 18:19, closed)

Hey, £1100 a month is not to be sneezed at.
Especially since I don't pay rent. I can just spend it all on beer and fags.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 18:52, closed)

'Living the dream'
A family tradition no doubt. The biggest decision of your day must be 'white lightening' or 'buckfast'. How I envy your simplicity.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 19:00, closed)

Oh no.
On that much money I can drink pretty much whatever I feel like. I tend to treat myself to a bottle of malt whisky every couple of weeks.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 19:17, closed)

The colorful vocabulary
caused too many lols to be had.
I'm of the same mind though, when I'm mad, Fuck is used in multiples. My dad too, I swear I've heard him include it three times in one word.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 18:39, closed)

Far too much lol-age
probably something to do with lots of self-recognition in there. And swears. I'm somewhat incoherent most of the time anyway (I call it 'being from Essex'), this is why I complain in writing if I can ever be arsed.
( Dave McF wrote some words on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 0:11, closed)