invisible gremlins
these fuckers infest my house. they must do, it's the only explanation.
they don't exist, you say? then why, in the name of rosie o'donnel's giant and terrifying minge, can i not, despite being the only person in this house, FIND MY FUCKING BLUE PYJAMAS!?
is it really too much to ask that something in here stays where i leave it? i hang my pyjamas neatly on the floor, why are they not there when i want to wear them? don't get me wrong, i love my black pyjamas, but they are silk and not altogether warm. i want my blue ones, they're warm and comfy.

my complaint, in case you hadn't guessed, is that i have missing pyjamas and thieving gremlins.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 0:01, 14 replies)

I sympathise
Although my gremlins take sewing needles, fly swats, anti histamine tablets and other variuos small objects.
I'd like to see them try with something bigger than a loaf of bread
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 0:38, closed)

my pyjamas are bigger than a loaf
so are my new shoes. they've vanished too, despite being violently purple.
they steal my keys, too.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 1:32, closed)

I shall return them to you directly...
Will need a wash though.
(Vinnie Strokes Got bummed on, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 0:46, closed)

eewwwww

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 1:32, closed)

I've got a black hole.
It's got my gloves and had my prescription sunglasses for two years. =(
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 1:30, closed)

the only time my glasses go missing
is when i'm on the piss. that's the only time i don't wear them, apart from showering and sleeping.
also, don't say you've got a black hole, it will only lead to puns ;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 1:34, closed)

clicking
``in the name of rosie o'donnel's giant and terrifying minge.'' thanks. i'll have nightmares for weeks now, once i stop laughing like a mong.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 5:44, closed)

:D

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 15:35, closed)

I have a solution
don't wear either...
( ..wil, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 10:11, closed)

but i'll get cold

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 15:35, closed)

I have a solution for that one as well!

( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 16:14, closed)

extra blankets?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 5 Sep 2010, 21:28, closed)

I used to have a desk fan.
I don't any more. It disappeared in the process of moving into a new flat earlier this summer.

This is relevant as a reply because the flat I moved into was directly above the one I was moving out of. It disappeared somewhere along the epic journey, all 15 seconds and one flight of stairs. Thieving bastard gremlins.
( Dave McF wrote some words on, Sat 4 Sep 2010, 19:29, closed)

ah, you have hall gremlins
these are a nomadic subset of gremlins, roaming the hallways and stairwells of buildings, looking for things to steal, living off carpet fluff and bits of greggs pasties that have dropped onto the floor. unlike the common household gremlin, the hall gremlin can go for weeks, if not months, without taking anything. when they do, however, they will take anything they can, with the exception of the yellow pages.
they don't like that.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 5 Sep 2010, 21:32, closed)