"Oi! MaryAnn"
He shouted at me across the bar.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "My name's not MaryAnn." I reminded him for the umpteenth time that afternoon.
"Sorry babe." He slurred. "Do me a favour and come over here." I shuddered as he grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye. His squished, pug like face was glistening with sweat, his drunk, beady eyes crossed slightly as he licked guinness from his greying mustache.
"You, MaryAnn, have a fucking cracking arse!" I pulled my hand back and started to walk away.
"Oi! MaryAnn!" He shouted again. "Do me a favour and sit on my face!"

That was it, I'd had enough! All day this vile, lecherous excuse for a man had been pestering me, asking me if I had any Irish in me and if not, did I want some? Telling me he wouldn't kick me out of bed for farting and generally being drunk and unpleasant.

"You Sir!" I yelled, "Are a fucking pervert! I would rather slit open my own eyeballs and feast on the goo within than go anywhere near your face or any other part of you! Now do me a favour and fuck off before I rip open your chest and piss on your lungs!"

Well, not really. What I actually did was go upstairs to the staff toilets of the pub and have a little cry. I may have sicked up a bit as well.
( wanderlust, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:03, 4 replies)

aww
huggles?
:)
(Freddles, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:09, closed)

Ergh.
Hope I'm not letched over by Irishmen next week :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 13:39, closed)

Dear girl, you must know the antidote!!
First you smile sweetly, coquettishly put a finger to your lips, then open your mouth and do the fake gag on your finger.
If they don't get the message then get them thrown out for being insensible. Use the magic words 'sexual harassment' if you're not taken seriously. If all else fails, just delight in using them as a verbal punching-bag for the rest of their visit.
And remember...you are better than they are, guaranteed!
(spida, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 10:01, closed)

Ick
IT's always a shame when the pipes haven't been flushed thoroghly and someone gets a thumbleful of detergent in their guinness...

Also Yay for boobie jiggling.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:18, closed)