Anne Frank uncensored
Everyone knows that Anne Frank's father censored those pages which dealt with her young awakenings, but did you know that he also cut out the more frivolous sections? I bought them at auction a few years ago and they make unusual reading:

Monday 14th June: I was looking out of the window and saw a pair of German soldiers walking beneath. Quick as a flash, I dredged up a glutinous hoogie and spat it down. It splashed against one of their helmets. "Was ist Dat?" they yelled. I laughed so much that I pissed my pants and mama slapped me.

Thursday 18th August: I'm so bored! All I do is sit in this wardrobe and try to be quiet. So this morning I ate a whole jar of capers and three boiled eggs. At lunchtime I had such a terrible fart brewing. Just as Papa was going to eat his first mouthful of soup, I yelled "Watch this!", hoiked up my dress and held a candle to my bottom. A jet of blue flame emerged and the wardrobe was uninhabitable for days! Mama spanked me until I couldn't sit down.

Friday 1st September: Bad news. Mrs Meerschaum was beaten to death last night and her corpse is still in the street. Everyone is terribly sad. Everyone except me, that is. I hated the old trout. She spat when she talked and her breath smelled of herring. As soon as I heard, I asked Mama, "Can I have her lace hat? She won't be needing it now she's croaked." Mama thrashed me half senseless. I hate her!

Wednesday 2nd November: I did such a huge turd this morning! It was so big that I couldn't flush it away and I had to cut it up with Papa's razor. He was livid when I told him and he slapped my bottom until it glowed purple. So I spat on his pillow when he wasn't looking.

Thursday 24th December: It is almost Christmas ... only we're goddamed Jewish so we can't have the tree and Santa Claus. I begged Mama but she said we can't change religion just to have a tree. Why not! I told her I want to become a Baptist and she hit me so hard that I spun round three times before I fell over. I did a little wee in her tea and she didn't notice. That'll teach her!
(frankspencer, Fri 2 Feb 2007, 11:53, Reply)