mr spimf and i
were looking forward to a new life in Dubai - great job, no tax, sunshine, all that.

this has been pretty much ruined by mrs spimf reading horror stories on the BBC news site of forensic levels of drug detection at customs - some poor bloke had 0.004gm of hash stuck to his shoe

bosh! 4 years in jail

i'm not saying this didn't happen but around 3 million people a month pass through Dubai airport - last year they detained 59 British travellers

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7234786.stm

mrs spimf is now currently in tears at the thought of travelling there

dont go you say - iv'e resigned my job here and fly in two weeks

fucksocks


:(
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 12:34, 10 replies)

Pot Noodle
Admiral crunch's story reminded me of the time I was very desperately hungry in a remote country village. The only "shop" had an inventory that read: Pot Noodles, Milk, Tea. That is all.

Of the three flavours of Pot Noodle on offer the least stomach churning was Shrimp Flavour, and the label had the re-assuring words "contains real shrimp." True enough, after I had peeled back the foil there was 1 (one) shrimp in there.

Always wondered if they had a specialist shrimp-putter-in person at the factory.
(bugboybeast, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 12:23, 2 replies)

My Greatest Disappointment.
Single, greatest disappointment? Even greater than Indiana Jones not representing the reality of everyday Archaeology?

Pipkins.

Do you remember Pipkins? Apart from the comedy giant that was Hartley Hare, do you remember how every time there was going to be a story, they'd say "It's...." and there would be an animated clip of different clocks, and the presenter (Wayne Lareya) would say "...for a story!"

Except that they didn't always do that, did they?!

Sometimes it would be TIME...to say goodbye. No story. Straight into World at One with a loud "Bong!" from Big Ben, and a hideous, crushing sense of disappointment.

Pipkins gave me that first inkling that life wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and that only disappointment and misery awaited me.

I think I was about 19 at the time.

Wayne Lareya, if you ever read this, I hate you.
( Stevedix http://www.stevedix.de/blog, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 12:19, 7 replies)

Lies!
Being of the pessimist persuasion, I remember back in 1998 listening to 'the audience's third album single. It was rubbish and wrote an ironic cheque that Sophie Ellis-Bexter tried to cash, but then it bounced after telling me it had all gone through okay, leading to yet more of the same

3min 45
(Snuffy114 demands a cyber razor cut, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 12:19, Reply)

I just bought a "turkey salad" for 2 quid 50
It contained 4 (four) minute cuboid strips of turkey.

Four.


Edit: that taste shite.
( admiral crunch holds the newsreader's nose squarely, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 12:05, 21 replies)

Water Pressure
My biggest disappointment has to do with water pressure in my bathroom, specifically in my toilet.

A bit of back story, I am able to choke a blue whale with my, as a friend put it, 'epic chud-monkeys of doom'. Don't know how I am able to do this, but I've always had this super-power (and I have tried varying my diet, only to result in new properties being added to the 'trans-atlantic cable' I'm producing).

It's to the point now that I keep a bucket in the bathroom to aid in the disposal of my faecal fortresses. So there is my disappointment for you, I have yet to find the toilet that can handle my 'monster loaf'.

Length? I shudder to think what they would be like if I was gay......
(UncleChuckles "Cthulhu fhtagn", Tue 1 Jul 2008, 11:57, 12 replies)

.
my biggest disappointment?

Last weekend: Saturday 28/6/08 to be precise. Saturday @ 10.45am to be even more precise.

It was the day I met the new boyfriend of the girl I have been chasing for the better part of two years.

The girl I held while she was crying when her mate comitted suicide.

The girl that helped me through one of the worst periods of my life after the death of a loved one.

The girl who is my best friends' sister.

The girl who knows full well how I feel about her.

The girl who is the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last think I think of at night before I sleep

The girl who (while drunk- no excuse) hugged me on Saturday night, and asked me to tell her I love her while slow dancing. And stupidly, I did.

So, my biggest disappointment? Me. For being so stupid, I guess.
(drain_bamaged, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 11:34, 22 replies)

Most recent disappointment...
Getting back from a great holiday with the Significant Other to be then told we were 'just friends'

*Sigh*

Still, at least I have her friendship if nothing else - and she really is a diamond :) (I'd marry her tomorrow)
( snee held his breath since, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 10:15, 32 replies)

Typical.
I've been away for a few weeks working overseas and I'm back in the UK for a few days before going back out there (out there = Hong Kong; if I may analogise with Hong Kong as supermodel, it's "lovely-but-bonkers").

I digress.

I spent a joyous half-hour this morning running some code and reading the current QoTW, catching up.

My story is abundantly similar to that of Clarabelle but this causes me concern: if someone as obviously attractive and funny as Clarabelle can't get a date, perhaps I should be ringing the monastery now?

We all have standards, we all have principles, we all have "red lines" that we won't cross, no matter what, but sometimes I wonder perhaps about changing them.

Note: am not lonely. Just a bit miserable. And I'm not even an emo!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 9:51, 1 reply)

Grahh
Buying a CDI because it was the future of home entertainment :-(
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 9:27, 2 replies)

As of today my new biggest disapointment is......
The house my wife and I were buying that would have been perfect for our daughter and the other babies we plan to have which was just in a our price range appeared to be in our grasp, we got a mortgage even in the current financial climate and put in an offer that was rejected. We did some crazy saving and begging we raised enough to offer the full asking price, the house had been on the market for nearly a year and we had wanted it the whole time, it had 11 rooms and a bathroom like a palace, we wanted badly.

We bit the bullet and offered her the asking price.

She turned it down.

She then took the house off the market as we had "insulted her"

cunt
( Peej, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 9:20, 12 replies)

Trout Mask Replica
A staggering work of musical genius? My hairy quivering arse it is. Captain Beefheart has released some great stuff but I'd rather eat a John Major knob cheese sandwich than listen to this again.

The honourable exception is Ella Guru.
(I Was a Teenage Spaceship, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 9:03, 12 replies)

*deletes her shitty post with a mistake in it*
Once again apologies to gilgamesh for wrongly accusing him of something said the other day. -_-

Anyway, as I know several people with ASDs, I know that it's hard. People with those kind of problems do tend to be shunned in life, which isn't fair on them. However in my experience if you give ANYONE a chance you see a different sde of them and realise justhow awesome they can be.

Thanks for an interesting, albeit sad, response. :)
(TheHBoxster is probably playing Beatles Rock Band on, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 9:01, Reply)

My biggest disappointment this week
Was getting in to work today and finding out my boss isn't going on holiday until tomorrow.

_{Post is of course a thinly veiled attempt to start today's chat thread}
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 8:57, 238 replies)

I purchased
A Norwegan Blue about 30 years ago and the damn thing is still going strong.

Ruined a bloody good sketch the useless bastard.

Love.

John
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 8:33, 4 replies)

Only 2 hours ago
I had an interview for a job in a book shop last Wednesday, and was really confident I'd get it. I was told that I'd be called on Tuesday regarding the result of the interview and so have been a nervous wreck for almost a week. On top of this, I hate my current job because it's completely stolen my social life and pays almost fuck all (but I need to find another job before I can quit this one, bills to pay etc.) Anyways, after looking forward to being able to tell my work where to go for almost a week, I get the call this morn (after about 2 hours sleep), to tell me I've not got the job. And I'm in work tonight. I should really get my girlfriend to hide the knives and medicines.
(Visionaryofthe1980s www.myspace.com/visionariesofthe1980s, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 4:00, Reply)

It was the morning of my 8/9/10th birthday (approx).
Id been very very well behaved that year and I was looking forward to receiving my shiny new bicycle. My old one was too small and used to be pink before I painted it blue. I had been dreaming for months of a bright red BMX frame with shiny steel skyway wheels, whitewalled tyres, salle royale seat and stunt nuts of pure titanium. However I knew something was amis when I awoke that fateful day only to run downstairs and find....
Nothing. No Bike. No Birthday Present. So i asked my mum with a tear in my eye "Wheres my birthday prezzie mummy?" and to my delight she replied "Your dad has gone to get it!". Wringing my hands with glee I awaited my fathers return. For about 3 hours. When he finally came back I was presented with the most PATHETIC bike i had ever seen. It was a granny spec fold-away, fanny-barred, dirty-brown peice of shit, even my young formative mind could completely fathom what happened. I let him know just what i thought. I shouted at him at the top of my voice "THATS A PAKI BIKE!". Years later, upon being grilled on the subject, he confessed that he gambled my birthday present budget in the hope of getting enough together to get me a decent bike. Instead lost the lot and had to go to my grandfathers oldfolks home and 'borrow' a bike from there.
( P3L3 is not my real name., Tue 1 Jul 2008, 3:17, 2 replies)

How to avoid disapointment if you've got a obscene sence of humor...

I would strongly recommend Derek & Clive a masterpice of filth from Peter Cook & Dudley Moore.

Another man worth a mention is Jerry Sadowitz. He opened his show in canada with the line "Hello moose fuckers!" which earned him a punch from a member of the audience.
(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 1 Jul 2008, 2:31, 2 replies)

Some kind of continental market was in town...
I love these things.
We seem to have them every month or so in Lincoln.
The food is fucking brilliant! I don't even know if there is other continental stuff on. The olives filled with cheese and stuff, the french chocolate tart thingys, weird looking spicy sausages, the waffles covered in chocolate, etc etc. Yomm.
So one such weekend I decided to try something a bit different to my usual french chocolate stuff/scary sausage fare and go for some kind of burger. Not very exciting, but this stall promised crocodile burgers, buffalo burgers, ostrich burgers, and so on. But none of this homely ostrich and slightly unusual buffalo burger for me. Oh no, I thought, get an animal in a bun of the like you may never try again, think distance, I want the animal meat that came from the most exotic and faraway of places.
I saw the kangaroo burger.
OH yes.
2 minutes and £4 or so lighter, I wandered off with my fattening purchase, in a bun with just onions, so as not to take away from the taste of the marsupial meat concealed within.
I expected to taste kangaroo in every bite, I wanted this kangaroo burger to be so authentic it could direct me to little Timmy stuck down a well, such was the kangaroo-ness.

It kind of just tasted like a crappy beefburger.
Damn.
(Ryuken-Kai, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 2:14, 10 replies)

School bogs
I was 14. I'd discovered nirvana in every sense of the word.

One of the cubicles in the bogs had heating pipes up high that went through to the girls bogs and changing rooms next door. There was the tiniest gap where the pipe went through.

It was there one wet Wednesday afternoon when I should have been in Mr E's maths class that I discovered how, if I stood on the black seat of the throne, I could just see into the girls room.

And it was there that I saw Mary N. dip her blonde head slightly so she could gently lap at the rosy pink nipple of Samantha G.
Samantha closed her eyes and stroked Mary's long straight hair and sighed.

I could take the tenting in my trousers no more so I was all set to crack one out when the fucking toilet seat decided to crack on me.

My left foot went down into the pissy water, my right kicked the cubicle wall and I fell back, cracking my head on the scratched and graffitied door, knocking myself out.

I was found a few minutes later as the girls had heard the banging and crashing, there I was lying in a pool of piss with my now flaccid cock hanging out.

The real disappointment was that the bastards put fucking polyfilla in the hole after that.
(Stiff Richard, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 1:41, 2 replies)

Grand Finals
Ive been in 11 of them (various sports)......



And lost every single one. They are all very very dissapointing.
(Slatts If you cant remember it didnt happen, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 1:26, 1 reply)

Golden Compass
As a child i read everything - from newspapers to war and peace.
Eventually grew up.. burnt Harry Potter as it bored me so.
But Northern Lights - and the whole trilogy for that matter - i couldnt put down.
And you know whats coming - and i know your all saying - lord of the rings was shit compared to the book. but no matter. the golden compass is awful! i payed £6 to go see it too!! plus petrol.. and pizza hut!!
just think of all the children who are excepting a wonderful story with a little boy and girl going to see the second film - only to watch the little boy die right at the start.. what on earth were they thinking!?

apologies for rambling.. but you expected it with such a QOTW
(Fluffylegend, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 0:39, 4 replies)

Buying a flat
Just bought a flat.
The way TV's shown it to me, you flounce about with stupid hair and a frilly coat and a few hundred quid and 8 hours later the whole place is done up and looking good AND your shares in B&Q have gone through the roof.

TV has clearly lied to me.

Well, it looks like it'll take a month or so to get it all done now. Stupid former owners and their godawful amateur DIY botch-jobs... who the fuck could cross-thread a lightbulb? More to the point, a Bayonet-cap lightbulb?!
Also, cabling bordering on the dangerous and a cupboard that seems to have been put in place to hide copious amounts of mould.

And we found hamster droppings in the sink, too.

And my shares in B&Q keep falling.

Gah.

So there you have it, folks- my biggest disappointment and it's only 2 days mine!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 0:23, Reply)

Omelette
While at work, someone will have mentioned something, and it will have me me want, say, an omelette. So I will spend the rest of the day wanting an omelette. Finally, hometime comes, and I get home as quickly as I can.

And find no eggs.
Somebody else decided that, while I was at work, they were going to use the eggs. All of them.

So I go without my omelette.
( Thinker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 23:53, 2 replies)

one of my biggest disappoiments...
Well apart from the lack of ability to spell correctly and intersperced with occasional use of bad grammer, I miss Legless.
His stories have always cheered me up endlessly, I don't care what others have said. His stories are the one of reasons* that I have returned week after to week (for the last few years) to QOTW. They simply make me smile. I am disappointed that he has virtually disappeared. Please Please come back...

The same should be applied to FrankSpencer...

* Though I would like to add that RSwipe,Chickenlady,PJM and Davros' but to name a few should all be included in the list of awesomeness.
( hedge_diver, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 23:41, 7 replies)

Things are getting quite serious around here...
Engages *flippancy* chip...

I always felt I was special. The dreams I had were vivid: I felt as if I were flying. I would wake up, all of a sweat, shaking. What if it were true? What if I were indeed imbued with the power of flight? The things I could do with it; the helpless souls I could save; fuck, the money I would save on air fare...

Increasingly convinced that I wasn't just some comic book reading nerd with delusions of being above ordinary, I found myself standing atop a bridge one evening. Convinced of my ability, I closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and launched myself into the void, awaiting the breathless feeling of weightlessness that I knew would come; the feeling in the pit of my stomach that was reminiscent of when my mum's bloke would go over a sharp bump in the road too fast in the family Vauxhall Chevette...





Six months in traction is an absolute cunt, I tells ya.

I apologise for the complete inappropriateness of this post, but I feel like I've bared my soul enough this week.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 22:43, 10 replies)

Me
I'm my only biggest disappointment. I don't blame anybody, anything or any event for why I'm not happier than I am.

I'm turning 30 in less than 4 weeks, I'm single, although I've lost weight I'm still carry a little extra, got a crap job, live in a room in a basement and skint.

I don't ask myself why I'm here, I know why I'm here. I didn't work hard enough at school, I ate too much, I don't take risks and try and do more with my life.

I know all this yet I don't do anything to get out of this situation as I get scared and nervous.

I'd love to move to somewhere else, new surroundings, new people, new job, new atmosphere, yet I tell myself that no matter where I go, I'll face the same problems, so I settle with what I've got.

I'm trying to lose weight to feel more confident and attractive, yet I have a worry that I'll never feel confident or attractive with myself.

My job is rubbish and is going nowhere, yet due to not studying hard enough I don't have any qualifications nor previous skills to get me a better job. I can't even write a CV for gods sake!

Now, despite all this, I'm not an unhappy person, far from it. I just wish that I was able to make small changes to myself to make myself happier.

I worry that I'll never do what I know I need to do, that due to my disappointment with myself that I'll retain eternally single, which is something I seem to eternally fuck up when trying to change.

Please don't consider this a "oh woe is me" story, more a "could do better" story.
(Laxly, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 22:11, 14 replies)

I signed up to a well-known website hoping to find humour, satire and poor taste
but instead it turned out to be full of back-slapping whingers, nonces and hopeless nerds desperately trying to have sex with anything in a dress :(
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 22:07, 14 replies)

Beer/ Real Ale
Not as exciting as it might be. But for me, there are six things that always disappoint when having a pint of real ale.

if it is ...
Sour
Soapy
Heathery
Old
Eggy
or Nutty

then the longed for pint will be a disappointment. Part of the attraction of real ale lies in getting a really nice one. The delicious pints of Bateman's Middle Wicket on Saturday night were perfect. But it always means that - through no one's fault in particular - there can be a disappointment lurking round the corner. Trying a new pint in a pub can be like a particularly low stakes version of Russian Roulette.

Nutty beer. A particular disappointment. But I think that's the difference between disappointment and disaster, a bad pint of beer is a disappointment - losing 25m people's bank account details on a CD is a disaster.
(cheesehead, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 22:06, 3 replies)