Wine, whine, wine, whine
I've been reading through the entries on this week's qotw and one about mixing red and white wine reminded me of just one of my dumbest moments.


A few years back I went with the ex-Mr Chickenlady to visit his brother and wife. The brother is in the army and was based in Germany at the time. While we were staying there was a wine tasting evening in the Officers' Mess so we all decided to go...Bad idea.

We arrived a little late and everyone had already started on the white wines. So in order to catch up we had to down three glasses rather quickly.

'Wine tasting' was probably a bit of a misnomer on this occasion - no posh spit bucket or any cleansing of the palette, no, just neck it...this is the British Army for god's sake, how on earth do you think we won (and lost) an empire?!

Now I have a very, very low tolerance to wine (three glasses and I'm anyone's, and it has been said that four glasses and I'm everyone's....) and after those three to catch up I was passed caring about how the wine tasted.

Three more glasses of white later, out came the red.

I don't drink red wine.

I did that night. Another six glasses.

Then we all went through to the dining room and sat around the long posh table - it was just like the grand dinner parties you see on TV.

Now despite being from a very ordinary background I knew how to behave (ex-convent girl, they taught us all we needed to know about how to net a posh husband). So there I was being a sparkling dinner companion to a major on one side and a captain on the other.

Unfortunately I was being so sparkling that I was holding everyone up because the entire table (around forty) had finished their first course and I was still talking and not eating.

The same happened during the main course...I carried on talking. Loudly.

I was absolutely on form. I was the Belle of the Ball. Rapier-sharp wit, interesting observations, all round amusing company.

The major was enthralled. The captain had become engrossed in conversation with someone else during the main course, but no matter, the major was utterly entranced by me.

We ate a delightful pudding and then the announcement was made that coffee would be taken back in the bar. People got up and began to walk back with their dining companions, each continuing their conversations.

I was halfway through telling the major some hilarious anecdote of mine when he got up and ran into the bar. I can only assume that he had a prior engagement.

I rose in order to follow him but for some strange reason my legs and my stomach decided they would plot against me.

I made it to the ladies just in time.

The dinner was wasted on me.

About an hour later my sister-in-law came to find me.

I couldn't move away from the toilet bowl despite no longer having any lining in my stomach, let alone wine or food.

She supported me out to the car where the ex-Mr Chickenlady and his brother waited. We drove home very slowly, pausing every hundred yards or so for me to vomit out the window.

It was the red wine. Evil stuff.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 23:18, 4 replies)

Reminds me of something
when i caught up with some of my mates who were in the army a few years back.

They introduced me to a drink called a 'depth charge' which is essentially a shot of tequila dropped into a pint of stella and the necked...

after two of these i was frigged.

I was hugging the toilet for the next two and a half hours.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 23:29, closed)

HeHe!
Some of my finest blackouts have been caused by mixing red and white wine in a jug and drinking that.
( girlinthehole, Fri 21 Dec 2007, 8:06, closed)

Chickenlady
nice turn of phrase. Have a click.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 21 Dec 2007, 12:40, closed)

Where I'm from...
...a "Depth Charge" is a shot glass full of Creme de Menthe sunk in a pint of lager. It stays in the glass quite well and as you tip the pint back, the shotglass skids up the side and gives a minty blast at the end.
(Guizmeaux, Fri 21 Dec 2007, 19:47, closed)